Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

[martinbrawn]

Hi all, I have posted on here a few times about my partners ex husband and his abusive and threatening behaviour to her.

After another horrendous pick up of the two children on Friday, where my partner approached his car outside her house to get flight and accommodation details for where he was taking them ( the contact order says he must supply this 2 weeks in advance but he never does) he went into a rage and ended up banging on the front door of the house demanding the children whilst the children were inside crying and asking to go with him (they are both scared of him and see pleasing him as a way of keeping the peace).

I have decided to take a different tact as I am not prepared to see my partner bullied by this man, he exhibits psycopathic traits.

When the children are home I am going to talk to them both about how I am going to email their father about the recent pick up and state that I am not prepared to see my partner verbally abused by him or anyone, the reason I will talk to them is that he has previously twisted many facts to suit himself and upset the children, he has shown them recently the sum of money in a bank account that he puts the maintenance he should be paying to my partner, but wont because she wont agree to his unreasonable demands, so instead he taunts them with the money. He has also told the pair of the girls that he wont be at their weddings if the mother is there. Sickening.

Anyway I will email him and state that I am not prepared to allow him to verbally abuse and bully my partner, and that if she receives from him 1 more abusive, derogatory or bullying communication, I will instigate proceedings to prosecute him under the section 1 of the Malicious Communications Act 1998.

Any thoughts?

We have 3 years of emails and texts filling a folder 3 inches thick of the abuse he has sent.

Martin

[leclerc]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

My personal opinion especially when it is not your kids is to keep out of the situation apart from asking advice and providing it to your partner.

If he pays no maintenance then that has to go through the courts. If SHE feels threatened and abused then SHE must take action and not YOU and if you instigate things then you have no legal right to do so.

Your partner does but not you. If the texts are abusive then your partner needs to take action and not you but it will increase tension between the children and her ex partner.

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

I totally agree with leclerc,,as much as you want/need to protect and defend your partner and the girls,,SHE has to do everything or it just won't hold any water.
Have you acted on any of the advice from your previous thread?
I know you're angry and frustrated,it's totally understandable ,but your hands are tied as such.
The poor kids must be feeling dreadful.

[ruthie59]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

This must be very upsetting for you all, especially as you want to protect your partner and her children, but I agree with the comments already posted. I think that you would inflame an already delicate situation by prosecuting him.

How old are the children?

[Gorang]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

If he is using threatening or abusive manners, then I personally would call the police and have them deal with it

That will also show that the police had to get involved due to his behaviour, which will only add weight to your 3 inch thick list of complaints

But like others had already said, it will hold MORE water if it comes from your partner, and not you, as you could be "made to look as" or "could be seen as" the "jealous partner"

[bluebottle]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

I'm afraid only your partner has a right in law to make a criminal complaint against her former spouse to the police. Likewise, only she can go back to court and ask the court to vary the Contact Order.

The Malicious Communications Act 1988 is part of English Criminal Law and only the police and CPS can take action against a person reasonably suspected of having committed an offence under the Act. The person who is the target is the one who has to make the complaint. There is also the Communications Act 2003, which covers misuse of a public electronic telecommunications system, but, again, it is the target who has to make the complaint.

There is a civil remedy provision under Section 3, Protection from Harassment Act 1997 which can be used to deal with those engaged in harassment. However, it is a measure of last resort and only the person who is being subjected to the harassment can apply to the court for remedy.

Whilst you may feel you have to do something, I would advise you to exercise restraint as any intervention could make an already tense situation a lot worse.

[CleverClogs]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Whilst you may feel you have to do something, I would advise you to exercise restraint as any intervention could make an already tense situation a lot worse.

Or he could wear a Mrs Thatcher mask when he superglues the ruffian's legs together. :grin:

[teaboy2]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Bluebottle - Just something i noticed. But isn't emotional abuse of children classed as child abuse - I.e. the boasting to the children of what is in the bank account that is meant to be child maintenance and suppose to be paid to the mother, and telling them that he will not attend their weddings when they get older if the mother is there. Also knowing the children are present and witnessing his behavior, does that not also amount to emotional abuse of the children. Basically any act (within reason) by a person that has a negative psychological impact on the children could be deemed child abuse.

And last time i checked, anyone who suspects some is abusing children is able to report such matters to the police etc. Whether its sexual (which i hope is not the case, though it maybe and that the children are to afraid to mention it if it is happening - it certainly should not be ruled out), emotional abuse or neglect.

[martinbrawn]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Hi thanks for all your replies, in answer to some of the questions;

the girls are 12 and 14, they are both petrified of him however obviously he is there father and they love him.

When I said I would seek to prosecute, what I meant was I would instigate the proceedings in my partners name. She has very limited funds as works as an LSA in a school.
We are very frustrated as we have done all we can to keep the children out of any stress or worry, yet he does all he can to put them through anxiety stress and worry, and because we dont have £1000s to take him through the courts, he gets away scot free all the time, and he knows it.

He is a psychopath going by his behaviours, so talking rationally with him is impossible, he is right and you are wrong.

I have kept out of anything to do with the kids, unless the kids have asked me to be involved, which the eldest does when things get messy, however when i get involved he twists things and alienates the relationship i have with the kids.

There seems no way to stop this man.

[leclerc]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Hi thanks for all your replies, in answer to some of the questions;

the girls are 12 and 14, they are both petrified of him however obviously he is there father and they love him.

When I said I would seek to prosecute, what I meant was I would instigate the proceedings in my partners name. She has very limited funds as works as an LSA in a school.
We are very frustrated as we have done all we can to keep the children out of any stress or worry, yet he does all he can to put them through anxiety stress and worry, and because we dont have £1000s to take him through the courts, he gets away scot free all the time, and he knows it.

He is a psychopath going by his behaviours, so talking rationally with him is impossible, he is right and you are wrong.

I have kept out of anything to do with the kids, unless the kids have asked me to be involved, which the eldest does when things get messy, however when i get involved he twists things and alienates the relationship i have with the kids.

There seems no way to stop this man.

As they are of an age where their views are counted then that would be taken into consideration by the courts. If he is not complying with court orders then you may find you need to go back to court perhaps on that basis.
My viewpoint remains that you should not instigate anything and that your partner should consider very carefully what she is doing. If he is not paying maintenance and has shown the children that he has the maintenance to pay then action does need to be taken on that matter.

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/showthread.php?44838-Contact-

Order&p=389634&highlight=#post389634http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/...ht=#post338626http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/showthread.php?38405-Some-

Advice-on-an-Spouse-that-is-avoiding-paying-agreed-court-orders&p=307899&highlight=#post307899

http://www.legalbeagles.info/forums/showthread.php?38404-Good-Evening&p=307571&highlight=#post307571


The above are the links to OP's previous threads on or mentioning stuff on this thread. I have popped them all on here for clarity and to prevent us all trawling over old ground/advice given.

[enquirer]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

... approached his car outside her house to get flight and accommodation details for where he was taking them [....] I am not prepared to see my partner bullied by this man,

You refer to your 'partner' and 'her house'. What exactly is your domestic setup? You are presumably not married, so she is not your spouse. Are you resident on the premises? If not, there is very little you can do directly.

As other posters have pointed out, it is your partner who needs to take action. Write the email by all means, but make sure that it is her who signs it. It often happens that the new and the ex partners end up fighting, whilst the object of it all sits back. This is a situation to be avoided.

[Inca]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

One thing I would do and do quickly is get the Mother to take the children to a Dr and try to get them some therapy before this escalates any furthur
And get this back in court as quickly too.
You are 'surplus' to requirements OP,,you are actually nothing to do with any of this (I;ve been where you are,,it's crap but noone in authority will give a monkeys what you think/feel)
Your partner needs to pull her boot straps up and get this sorted,,,you can advise her and be there for her when she crumbles...but you can't do anything else.
All the time SHE is letting this happen HE is winning,,and be sure,,he knows it too.
Strip back everything to basics,,and write a proper,workable access plan,,and she can present it to the powers that be.
You sitting on a chair compiling angry emails to him in your name will only add fuel to his flame.

[bluebottle]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Bluebottle - Just something i noticed. But isn't emotional abuse of children classed as child abuse - I.e. the boasting to the children of what is in the bank account that is meant to be child maintenance and suppose to be paid to the mother, and telling them that he will not attend their weddings when they get older if the mother is there. Also knowing the children are present and witnessing his behavior, does that not also amount to emotional abuse of the children. Basically any act (within reason) by a person that has a negative psychological impact on the children could be deemed child abuse.

And last time i checked, anyone who suspects some is abusing children is able to report such matters to the police etc. Whether its sexual (which i hope is not the case, though it maybe and that the children are to afraid to mention it if it is happening - it certainly should not be ruled out), emotional abuse or neglect.

Whilst you are correct in your analysis, TB, due to the situation as it stands, the best course of action has to be for the OP's partner to go back to court and seek to have the Access Order varied. The amount of evidence the OP and their partner has sounds like it should be sufficient to have further access denied or, at the very least, subject to supervision during access visits.

[Gorang]

Re: Email verbal abuse and threatening behaviour

Whilst you are correct in your analysis, TB, due to the situation as it stands, the best course of action has to be for the OP's partner to go back to court and seek to have the Access Order varied. The amount of evidence the OP and their partner has sounds like it should be sufficient to have further access denied or, at the very least, subject to supervision during access visits.

I am looking at this, and I have no knowledge about this sort of thing, (I wish I did) so others will hopefully be able to correct me if I am wrong with my thinking here

But I do suspect that if the OP's partner got the police involved (even if it just gets an incident number) when he becomes verbally abusive, or abusive in any way at all, then I wonder if that could also add weight (and just strengthen her case) for the OP's partner going back to the court to have the Access Order Varied

With a bit of luck, the police will manage to sort him out though

My heart felt sympathies go out to the 4 of you, and all I can offer to you in way of advise is, for the 4 of you to stay strong and don't let him win or grind you down, but I know that is easy for me to say and not easy for you all to do at times

I just wish there was something else that I could do to help