Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

[WorriedFather]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Thanks for the support so far... Once I sit down with her and ask her openly and honestly, I really hope that we can come to an amicable agreement. As I said before, unfortunatly, there is not going to be any reconciliation and I can't go back to that as I wouldn't be able to live with myself. The main priority is that the impact on the children is minimised... I may suggest that she moves out and leaves the children with me but I don't think that will fly but it's an option.

Let's see... just need to keep calm and logical now by taking small steps...

[WorriedFather]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Latest update... Had a discussion with her, her parents and my parents regarding the situation. We went through all of the points and also discussed her affair. She was obviously shocked but took it all in. I had discussed it in a calm manner and stated the the most important factor is the children's well being.

After the meeting, I was given the 'blessing' to move back into the family home the next day but... The following day, I received a letter from her solicitor saying that I have been causing her emotional and physical abuse and if I try and stay at the property, they will issue a court injunction or something under the Family Law Act.

During the discussion, I had made a point about any abuse to one another and we both agreed that was not any. I also made a point to say that we are both good parents and she also agreed.

I did go back to stay at the property and she was in a foul mood and said that if I do not leave, she will call the police and make something up.

My solicitor says without any evidence, she can't keep you out of the family home and will be responding accordingly.

Going from from bad to worse...

[MissFM]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Latest update... Had a discussion with her, her parents and my parents regarding the situation. We went through all of the points and also discussed her affair. She was obviously shocked but took it all in. I had discussed it in a calm manner and stated the the most important factor is the children's well being.

After the meeting, I was given the 'blessing' to move back into the family home the next day but... The following day, I received a letter from her solicitor saying that I have been causing her emotional and physical abuse and if I try and stay at the property, they will issue a court injunction or something under the Family Law Act.

During the discussion, I had made a point about any abuse to one another and we both agreed that was not any. I also made a point to say that we are both good parents and she also agreed.

I did go back to stay at the property and she was in a foul mood and said that if I do not leave, she will call the police and make something up.

My solicitor says without any evidence, she can't keep you out of the family home and will be responding accordingly.

Going from from bad to worse...

I am so sorry to hear this, WF. Is her solicitor "Resolution" accredited? If so, this is their code of practice http://www.resolution.org.uk/editorial.asp?page_id=26 with which the solicitor does not seem to be complying.

The Law Society takes a dim view of solicitors practising Family Law who do not subscribe to this code of practice, particularly those who further inflame confrontational situations. In your situation, I would consider reporting the solicitor, particularly for the threat of an injunction when one is clearly not justified if what you have described above is true.

It very much sounds as if your wife has a rather selfish agenda and I bet that money is at the root of it (sorry to be so cynical). You need to get mediation at the earliest opportunity IMVHO. And get your solicitor to report hers.

[WorriedFather]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

This is great insight... Her solicitor is Resolution accredited so I will raise this with my solicitor.

You are amazing MissFM!!!!!!

[MissFM]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

You are too kind, WF, thank you!

Any news?

I have just posted this on another thread (everyone seems to be breaking up for the New Year) - maybe you would find it helpful?

http://www.resolution.org.uk/separatingtogether/

It really is well worth a good trawl through their (Resolution's) website. x

[enquirer]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...


WorriedFather:

Given her duplicity, and her evident willingness to make false allegations, you would be wise to instruct your solicitor to hit her as hard and fast as possible. Dithering is liable to lose you everything.

A tape recording of her threatening to make a false allegation to the police would be useful.

[jon1965]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

For what its worth I would suggest being your own man. It may be hard to admit but is it all her fault or has something happened of has she perceived sometmthing to have happened that has made her unhappy.
Sorry to say but pride is not for nothing one of the seven deadly sins, you say no chance of reconcilliation because you couldnt live with yourself. Where I come from that is called cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Dont get me wrong I am not making moral judgements or even suggesting you try.

On apractical level although you can do cheap diy divorces you may want a clean break divorce then neither of you would have a claim if the other inherited money or won the lottery.

All i can say is good luck.

[WorriedFather]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Thanks all. My solicitor has responded yesterday and I should be moving back in amicably this week. She had made false allegations about physical and emotional abuse against me. My solicitor quickly responded back stating that there is no evidence and that I will be moving back in amicably. My solicitor has kept everything factual and amicable in line with the Resolution Code of Conduct.

Hopefully she will realise that enough is enough and that the more she makes allegations, the harder it gets and the more money we waste which ultimately comes out of the pot and the children suffer the most.

I'll keep you updated...

[Amethyst]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

I'm not sure I'd have sat round a table with my parents and inlaws to discuss the merits or not of my relationship with my ex husband and if I had, I suspect I would have felt exceedingly angry and trapped, and embarrassed (or mortified ) and probably would have just wanted him out of the house to save having to go through it again. Just a view from the other side. To be fair her solicitor is bloody good if he got a letter to you the day after that discussion, how was it delivered ? You mentioned she's been planning for about 6 months... have you spoken to her about it since the weekend ? Is living together while going through this a good idea ? Amicably kinda means both of you agree. Start thinking about the future and what is good for the children, rather than who gets the house.

Do you own the home jointly? (both names on mortgage and/or on land registry)


You may be best placed to join up on http://www.fnf.org.uk/ forum - there is a lot of support there for fathers.

[WorriedFather]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Maybe I delivered the message to her may have been wrong, but I felt I needed to do it that way. For me, moving forward, I just want to move back into the home and be around the children to do the little things like get them ready in the morning and put them to bed and read a story.

The letter I received by her solicitors seemed to be badly written, rushed and full of grammitical errors and was delivered via email.

Hopefully now, she will realise that I want to handle matters amicably and start the divorce process and split the assets 50/50.

I'm not sure if I should fight for custody as I would like the children 100% but is it worth fighting?

[Amethyst]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

If you take the affair and her behaviour over it out of the equation, do you consider she is a good mother?

[wales01man]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

I have never gone through a divorce and never will from everything I know from reading cases and from friends who have divorced it can be easy or hard.

One thing that I would suggest is that the couple reach a compromise the OP wants the kids 100% probably wont happen both sides making allegations just lines the Solicitors pockets with the constant stream of letters ,unless they want this to drag on they must both take a deep breathe and decide that the children are the most important part of all this when its over they will judge who was looking for their interests both parents may get new partners but they will always be their parents.

Time as I say to stop the petty accusations and agree with the help of others to divorce get the best for the kids and move on maybe by talking they might take all the pain away from this

[Inca]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Having an affair doesn't make her a bad Mum or a bad person,,it happens and there is always collateral damage no matter how 'amicable' folks want to be.It's as easy to 'fall out' of love as it is to 'fall in'

Who is the main caregiver in your family?
I assume (correct me if I'm wrong) you have a fulltime job?
And as for the family pow wow.....I would have run a mile if I got 'ambushed' like that. This has to be between you and your wife at this point,not the whole extended family.

[Johnysam]

Re: Need to understand my options on divorce as partner is in an affair...

Before visiting a solicitor, try to solve this amongst yourselves. It is important for you to talk to your husband once. If you still think that you are unable to solve between yourselves then consult a solicitor.