Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Thanks Inca. I am off down there on Thursday so i will give him some support. I think because everything is so nasty it wears him down. I do understand where hes coming from and because she keeps demanding that the kids stay with her and that he brings all their stuff over to her bedsit then 4 hours later she tells him to pick them up?? So confusing !

[charitynjw]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Hi akania - not confusing - it's classic manipulation via emotional blackmail.

Using the children as pawns in the game is atrocious!

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Hi akania - not confusing - it's classic manipulation via emotional blackmail.

Using the children as pawns in the game is atrocious!

My sentiments exactly Nobby....but more often than not they are used as such with no thought of the mental damage they are suffering.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok guys so I'm going down there tomorrow to have a chat with him about what is really happening and try and get some control out of all this chaos. The kids are really playing up at the min and he's feeling very down so he defiantly needs support. Ill get back to you after the bank holiday to let you now how I'm getting on.

thanks so much for all of your help, and have a fab bank holiday x

[MissFM]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Good luck Akania x Very good advice above (all of it) - keep him focused on the children's best interests.

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Enjoy the break (of sorts) lol
Important question.........ask him if he REALLY wants the kids 24/7...cos they are going to play up from now till adulthood all the time the parents are at war...they are pesky little blighters kids are...they find a loophole and make it a canyon.
He has to ask himself is the war worth it? He should be the bigger person and go to her and ask for a full and frank discussion,,,not a row,,just talking,,after all,they must have been happy once,the kids didn't appear from under a gooseberry bush.
If all that fails..................fight cleanly and fairly.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok it's seems this is the situation . The mother has got a 3 bedroom house and has said she is taking the kids in 2 weeks. The daughter wants to give it a go , she's 10 but the son who's 7 is horrified that he is going to have to leave his father. Apparently the agenda is so she can get a bigger house benefits and give up work . I don't know her so I'm working on heresay but my friend is saying he's going to let we have them even though he will be devastated. He thinks that once she realises that she cannot cope and what hard work they are especially at the min that she will let him have them back and all the aggro will be done with. My heads spinning with it all and I have to admit after spending the weekend here he does need some kind of break because he's very fragile. What a mess these relationships and marriages can become. Talk about putting me off for life !

[wales01man]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

with 2 kids she will only be entitled to a 3 bed house if its social housing regards the kids I would say the situation may not be ideal but the couple have to reach an agreement for the sake of the children they are really all that matter.

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

And whilst they're both playing 'I'm the better parent' those poor kids won't know if they are on foot or horseback!
He can't hand them over for 'a trial period',,that's wicked and bloody stupid quite honestly.
The woman needs to be aware of all the changes in housing and benefits (as wales01 has alluded to)...so should seriously check her facts,,perhaps your friend could drop huge hints to her cos the days of big houses and big bucks are over .I can't see any Judge or even Social Worker thinking giving up a full time job to go on state benefits is a good idea,,not when your friend can look after them while she works.
There is a big bit of this missing though...what money does your friend live on? Is he getting the childrens benefits?
And ,whilst I empathise with your friends situation he has seriously got to 'man up'....being fragile isn't going to help his children,,they need him to be strong and to make their world a lovely place to live in,,not be passed from pillar to post by parents who are more interested in scoring points and/or giving up at the first hurdle.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok he thinks cause there is no custody order in either side that she can take the kids when ever she wants. His sister has said she can't and he just has to say no in the meantime if she demands them and tell her to take him to court re custody. If he takes them to visit and she won't give them back then he's to call the police as he's been with them so long and that's in his favour. He lives his kids but yeah he does need to man up and that's what I'm trying to help with. As far as benefits are concerned he's in incapacity as he had a heart attack a while ago and gets housing benefit.

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Ok,,,so he needs to get a solicitor pronto to get the residence order set up.
Tuesday he needs to do that..and contact the Social Worker and put all the wheels in motion,,no more arguing with the ex..if he seriously wants his kids he has to make it happen.
One hiccup might be the daughters willingness to give it a go with her Mum,,he has to be flexible on that,however much it hurts him,he has to make sure she knows she can come back to him any time,,BUT he has to be firm on not being mucked about by them and the Mum.
He should be getting the Child Benefit and Tax Credits..they are for the kids,,not the adults.
So..Tuesday...get hold of solicitor........speak to social services...and tell the Mum it's either done nicely between them...or he'll see her in court and does she really want to put the kids through all that?? and tell her that unless and until he is told by a court to hand them over HE will be looking after them and they will be staying where they are.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Thanks very much I've passed all this on and told him that I will be up his arse about it. I've established the fact that he does want to keep the kids so that's a start. Can I just ask one thing that's really confusing me ? Basically he applied for a residency order and the paperwork was sent to her which she ignored. His solicitor then said that because she didn't respond to the residency order then there is no case to answer ? I would have thought that he would then get the residency order by default but he said no ? I asked him to ask his solicitor if it was ok if I emailed her to ask these questions as I can't seem to get an appointment with him to go and see her when I come down. Does anyone know how these residency orders work ?

[Inca]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Basically,,,that's the biggest load of pony I've ever heard tbh...and if the solicitor sticks to that then it's time to bin the berk.
Some solicitors (LB members totally excluded)...need a rocket up their backsides.
I'm not au fait with the laws myself,I've been through divorce etc so thats where my limited knowledge comes from..I'll have a look around and see what I can find out,,and I'm sure others on here know a damn sight more than me and will pop in too

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

thanks inca this is what im confused about as well.

[akania]

Re: Need some advice re divorce, the house and the kids

Hi there

Back after a weekend down with my friend. Whilst i was down there he received a petiton from the court from his ex which is strange because he served one on her via his solicitor in which he citied adulty and she did not contest. However it looks like she may have filled out these forms herself if thats possible.

A couple of things i wanted to ask, shes citing unreasonable behaviour and a break down of the marriage. She has also mentioned that because he is Greek that Greeks basically expect thier wives to act in a certain manner and he isolated her from her family and friends. Also he would not allow her to go to work. Because he is Greek lol. I can assure you that he would have loved it if she would have gone to work instead of staying in bed stoned all day lol! It made me laugh but hes pretty offended lol.

Also she put on the forms that she is unemployed however she is currently working.

He has given these forms to his solicitor (for all the good she is) and has an appointment tomorrow at 10.30.

Can she basically state because hes greek he is a control freak? also is it an offence to lie on these forms, i.e regarding working and also all the other fabrications on the forms?

Also will this greatly confuse things with the court if hes divorcing her for adultry and shes divorcing him for unreasonable behaviour (and cause hes Greek sorry it just tickles me )))

Hope you are all well x