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This is a bit of a long one I'm afraid. I will try and condense as much as possible.
Married my ex-husband in 2005 just after we moved an hour away from where we used to live. He had a child from a previous relationship, born in 2000 who he stopped seeing because we moved an hour away and he couldn't be bothered.
Son born in 2008 - both names on birth certificate as we were married.
In late 2009 we moved out of our mortgaged home into a larger, rented property because we needed more room and our house was in negative equity so renting it out was easier than selling.
Late 2009/early 2010 he started acting strangely - found out since he was having multiple affairs, some internet, some real. Eventually I moved out of the big house into a smaller rented property as our mortgaged house was occupied. When vacant, he moved back into the mortgaged house then in November 2010 decided he was moving to Devon to live with some girl he met on the internet.
In November 2011 I moved back into the mortgaged house with my partner. However, my ex-husband had not kept up payments on the mortgaged property when he had been living there, despite me paying it since he left and paying it on my own. I must note here he was self-employed. We had a business together which he ran away from and set up again in Devon.
He sent me an email when he left for Devon saying he never wanted to see our son, then 2 again. That I could "tell him anything" apart from that he had died. He said he didn't want anything to do with the house or our child and that was the last we saw of him. We heard on the grapevine that he had split up with the latest girl in Devon and had moved back in with his parents in his hometown.
After a while he contacted me again to say that this girl was pregnant and due in July 2011 so he had decided to make a go of things with her.
In the meantime myself and my partner had to go to court over the mortgage because he had let it get into £3000 of arrears and they took it to a suspended possession order.
He then took me to court over contact of our son. Until this point he hadn't paid a penny in child support. We hadn't heard from him at all.
It took months to go through the courts - because he had a history of mental illness and violence, he was at first granted supervised contact at a contact centre. This then moved to supervised contact in a public place and more recently unsupervised contact in my local area.
My questions are:
1. My son has, for the last two contact sessions, refused to go with my ex-husband. He has only seen him for a few hours in total since he was 2, so has no idea who he is or why he has to see him every two weeks. He absolutely HATES going with him. He cries for hours beforehand, is extremely upset about having to go with him and comes home upset and miserable. Where do I stand with regards to the contact order? Can they force him to go? I'm making him available for contact at the time agreed, but short of putting him in his car and strapping him in myself, when he is in such a state, there is nothing I can do. No amount of talking him into it works. He told me the last two times he has been on contact with him, the first time he took him to an elderly man's house he has been trying to sell an adjustable bed to since we were together. He said he was bored and sad, there was dog poo all over the floor and he had to sit in a chair and not move. The second time he took him to his mate's house where again he was bored and sad. He is using his contact sessions with his son to see his own friends/potential customers when the courts said because he hasn't seen him for over two years the time should be used as bonding time for the two of them. My son has never seen any of his family since he was 4 weeks old. I'm dreading him wanting to take him away.
2. He makes a CSA payment of £96 a month. He has lied about his income and when we were running the business earned approximately £3000 a week, give or take. I recently said to him that seeing he is back in his son's life, he can start showing support and asked him to buy a school jumper for him. He has never bought him anything apart from a small Christmas present in 2012. No cards, presents for birthdays, Easter eggs, nothing. He refused to buy the jumper because he cannot afford it. How can I prove his income to the CSA?
3. He refuses to make any contribution to the mortgage which he is half liable for, despite me being disabled and a student, and needing to keep a roof over his child's head. The mortgage company are not interested. Is there any way of enforcing this?
4. He has finally signed my divorce papers after nearly three years of waiting. When the divorce goes through, what will happen to the house? It is our home and I absolutely cannot afford to buy him out. The house is in arrears again as I have missed the last two mortgage payments. It is in very negative equity. Can they kick us out when we get divorced or force sale? I really do not want to leave, but I'm not wasting thousands catching up with the arrears if the house is going to be taken from me anyway.
He has left me in massive amounts of debt, abandoned two children and is now on his third, has messed me around with court, the divorce and keeps sending bailiffs to my house for HIS debts. I'm utterly fed up of him and I cannot wait for the day when I am finally free of his crap.
He's aggressive, violent, a tax-dodger and a money-grabber. He owns an adjustable bed company and preys on the elderly and vulnerable.
Please help!
Thanks
Married my ex-husband in 2005 just after we moved an hour away from where we used to live. He had a child from a previous relationship, born in 2000 who he stopped seeing because we moved an hour away and he couldn't be bothered.
Son born in 2008 - both names on birth certificate as we were married.
In late 2009 we moved out of our mortgaged home into a larger, rented property because we needed more room and our house was in negative equity so renting it out was easier than selling.
Late 2009/early 2010 he started acting strangely - found out since he was having multiple affairs, some internet, some real. Eventually I moved out of the big house into a smaller rented property as our mortgaged house was occupied. When vacant, he moved back into the mortgaged house then in November 2010 decided he was moving to Devon to live with some girl he met on the internet.
In November 2011 I moved back into the mortgaged house with my partner. However, my ex-husband had not kept up payments on the mortgaged property when he had been living there, despite me paying it since he left and paying it on my own. I must note here he was self-employed. We had a business together which he ran away from and set up again in Devon.
He sent me an email when he left for Devon saying he never wanted to see our son, then 2 again. That I could "tell him anything" apart from that he had died. He said he didn't want anything to do with the house or our child and that was the last we saw of him. We heard on the grapevine that he had split up with the latest girl in Devon and had moved back in with his parents in his hometown.
After a while he contacted me again to say that this girl was pregnant and due in July 2011 so he had decided to make a go of things with her.
In the meantime myself and my partner had to go to court over the mortgage because he had let it get into £3000 of arrears and they took it to a suspended possession order.
He then took me to court over contact of our son. Until this point he hadn't paid a penny in child support. We hadn't heard from him at all.
It took months to go through the courts - because he had a history of mental illness and violence, he was at first granted supervised contact at a contact centre. This then moved to supervised contact in a public place and more recently unsupervised contact in my local area.
My questions are:
1. My son has, for the last two contact sessions, refused to go with my ex-husband. He has only seen him for a few hours in total since he was 2, so has no idea who he is or why he has to see him every two weeks. He absolutely HATES going with him. He cries for hours beforehand, is extremely upset about having to go with him and comes home upset and miserable. Where do I stand with regards to the contact order? Can they force him to go? I'm making him available for contact at the time agreed, but short of putting him in his car and strapping him in myself, when he is in such a state, there is nothing I can do. No amount of talking him into it works. He told me the last two times he has been on contact with him, the first time he took him to an elderly man's house he has been trying to sell an adjustable bed to since we were together. He said he was bored and sad, there was dog poo all over the floor and he had to sit in a chair and not move. The second time he took him to his mate's house where again he was bored and sad. He is using his contact sessions with his son to see his own friends/potential customers when the courts said because he hasn't seen him for over two years the time should be used as bonding time for the two of them. My son has never seen any of his family since he was 4 weeks old. I'm dreading him wanting to take him away.
2. He makes a CSA payment of £96 a month. He has lied about his income and when we were running the business earned approximately £3000 a week, give or take. I recently said to him that seeing he is back in his son's life, he can start showing support and asked him to buy a school jumper for him. He has never bought him anything apart from a small Christmas present in 2012. No cards, presents for birthdays, Easter eggs, nothing. He refused to buy the jumper because he cannot afford it. How can I prove his income to the CSA?
3. He refuses to make any contribution to the mortgage which he is half liable for, despite me being disabled and a student, and needing to keep a roof over his child's head. The mortgage company are not interested. Is there any way of enforcing this?
4. He has finally signed my divorce papers after nearly three years of waiting. When the divorce goes through, what will happen to the house? It is our home and I absolutely cannot afford to buy him out. The house is in arrears again as I have missed the last two mortgage payments. It is in very negative equity. Can they kick us out when we get divorced or force sale? I really do not want to leave, but I'm not wasting thousands catching up with the arrears if the house is going to be taken from me anyway.
He has left me in massive amounts of debt, abandoned two children and is now on his third, has messed me around with court, the divorce and keeps sending bailiffs to my house for HIS debts. I'm utterly fed up of him and I cannot wait for the day when I am finally free of his crap.
He's aggressive, violent, a tax-dodger and a money-grabber. He owns an adjustable bed company and preys on the elderly and vulnerable.
Please help!
Thanks
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