What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

[freddieD]

To cut a long story short, my wife recently got a Non-Molestation order against me (she is having an affair). I went to a hearing in court and the judge lifted the item that prevented me from communicating with her but left the items relating to damaging her property, threatening her and violence against her in place. Now, my question is, what things I can say to her that she will not use as an excuse to report me for threatening her. If I say things in a gentle voice, and more like requests on some of them, could I say things like the following, which I am desperate to say:

- You are not going to take my children away from me, even less hand them over to your boyfriend when you go to him. I am going to fight in court to the end. You are taking my kids away over my dead body.

- You are wasting your time, trying to condition the girls so that you can take them away in a few months time.

- Please pack your things and get your boyfriend to come and collect you, then you can live happily ever after.

- Be prepared to face the legal consequences in the forthcoming hearing with your lying.

Also, under the order, I presume I can go after the boyfriend (verbally) as he is not covered by it?

Thanks

[Eloise01]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Are you for real? You genuinely want to know if you can "go after" someone because there isn't an order saying you shouldn't. The point of the order is that you appear not to realise that you shouldn't be "going after" anyone without a court reminding you of something that you should know anyway! I would suggest that if you cannot have a civilised conversation then you should remain silent and communicate through official channels. You also cannot throw your wife out of the family home no matter how "gentle" your voice is or how much you couch it as a "request".

[Celestine]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I'm sure you feel justifiably angry but there are children involved in this and they are ALREADY going through hell. Don't make it any worse, try and be the better person.

Feel free to rant here if that helps.

[Inca]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Please don't do any of your suggestions.think of your children..be the bigger person and do any communicating through a neutral 3rd party or a solicitor.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I am amazed that people do not recognise the total lack of morals of two people who are cheating, not only on the betrayed spouse, but also on his children. Furthermore, that I am to remain silent and watch it all happen. Have you heard of such a thing as wedding vows? I have every right to defend my family, myself and, especially, protect my children (2 girls!) from my wife's bad example. I came here for information on what I can do within the limits of the law, not how to take the blows while lying down. Really, in this country husbands are regarded as dirt by the law and self-righteous people.

Sure, I will go to the solicitors so that every time I want to say to my wife to stop provoking me and hurting my feelings, I get the added insult to get charged £150 for a letter with 2 sentences. Christ!

So I cannot throw my wife out of the house for exposing my girls and I to her immoral lifestyle, but she can get legal aid to try and throw me out of the house for interfering with her affair. Riiiight.

That is why those men, who just sat and watched it all happen, end up in Fathers For Justice. Their wives saw from the beginning that they could walk all over them so they go on doing it for as long as they please after the divorce and after the wimps did nothing to fight for the children to stay with the better parent (which can be the father in half of the cases).

[Inca]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I'm anything but self righteous and yes,I've been married and guess what? he cheated on me!! Your girls really need you blowing a gasket at their mother don't they? You want to calm down sir,because if you go off at the suggestions made on here,,how are you going to react in reality? And one things a dead cert...do anything detrimental and your wife will get everything,lock stock and barrell because you will end up getting arrested. See a solicitor is the best advice.

[MissFM]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Freddie - your anger at your wife's infidelity is totally understood but you are (IMHO only, perhaps being manipulated into?) going beyond the pale and you would appear to be colluding with that - which, as has been rightly said above, will leave you with nothing except maybe a prison sentence or worse.

Was the non-molestation order justified? ie Did you act in a threatening or intimidating way towards your wife?

As Celestine says - why don't you vent here and maybe amongst the many people here who have been through dreadful breakups there will be one that can help and support you in a constructive way? Everyone wants to do that.

[bluebottle]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Non-Molestation Orders are strange creatures and are very easily breached, due to the scope for the party granted the order to manipulate the courts and the police. Eloise and Celestine have both advised you against saying any of the things in your initial post. I am a retired policeman and, believe me, some people can be very manipulative. As Celestine advises, be the better person and don't rise to any bait.

Saying any of the things you want to say can and will harm any case you may have and could result in an appearance in front of a court. Someone I know who felt an NMO didn't apply to him got fined £2,000 for breaching the NMO to which he is subject. He is now on his final warning for breaching it a second time. Breaching an NMO can result in a custodial sentence. Don't go down that road.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

It is precisely that I do not want to end up as a suicidal member of Fathers For Justice that I am going to fight (in a figured sense) for my wife, my children and my family as a whole. I am not going to sit back and watch it all happen helplessly. When my wife realises that I am asserting myself, she may come out of her Affair Fog, respect me for not being a wimp and may even want to return to me or think carefully before trying to take my children from me - she does not really want them interfering in her fairytale, she is just feeling guilty and that is not good enough to take your children to an environment that is worse than with their daddy.
And it is also precisely because I do not want to end up like the guy the former policeman described as being fined £2000 for breach of the NMO that I am asking for advice instead of going and acting recklessly. However, I did not come here to ask for advice as to how to sit back and adopt a passive role. I already did that in January and things got worse because they saw me doing nothing, then my wife escalated her actions, form "I am leaving, you keep the children" to "I am leaving and taking the children with me" while talking to me with contempt. Then she got the NMO and occupancy order as a result of my taking positive action. She failed to get me out of the house and now she goes around the house with her tail between her legs. See where I am coming from?

No, the NMO was not justified, it came as a result of my wife staging a scene. If I was the kind of person that needs a NMO I would not even bother to come here asking for advice.

[enquirer]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

If you wish to say anything, commit it to writing. Then reflect on the fact that it will be used against you. Adjust it accordingly.

[CleverClogs]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Now, my question is, what things I can say to her that she will not use as an excuse to report me for threatening her. If I say things in a gentle voice,

Do not say anything, as you know she will only try to twist your words against you.

Instead, put your remarks in writing. Invoke the power of the Married Man's Property Act 1882 (link) and tell her that, if she does not leave and forswear her toy boy at once and get her arse back to your house where it belongs, you will sue her for your out of pocket expenses when seeking a replacement. Furthermore, you will reserve the right to sue her fancy man for "unlawful carnal conversations".

You may need to make a sworn declaration before a Commissioner for Oaths (cost about £10) that you will not starve her, keep her naked or beat her with a stick thicker than your thumb, but that seems a modest outlay in return for securing the return of your wife.

I do hope this helps.

[Eloise01]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

You may need to make a sworn declaration before a Commissioner for Oaths (cost about £10) that you will not starve her, keep her naked or beat her with a stick thicker than your thumb, but that seems a modest outlay in return for securing the return of your wife.

I do hope this helps.

I think actually this only applies to certain parts of Ireland, and then only during months with a "z" in them.

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

I think actually this only applies to certain parts of Ireland, and then only during months with a "z" in them.

Oh!.......

[CleverClogs]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Oh!.......

I believe that refers to the bit about not beating your wife.

When, actually, did you stop beating her?

[freddieD]

Re: What can I do under a Non-Molestation order?

Do not say anything, as you know she will only try to twist your words against you.

Instead, put your remarks in writing. Invoke the power of the Married Man's Property Act 1882 (link) and tell her that, if she does not leave and forswear her toy boy at once and get her arse back to your house where it belongs, you will sue her for your out of pocket expenses when seeking a replacement. Furthermore, you will reserve the right to sue her fancy man for "unlawful carnal conversations".

You may need to make a sworn declaration before a Commissioner for Oaths (cost about £10) that you will not starve her, keep her naked or beat her with a stick thicker than your thumb, but that seems a modest outlay in return for securing the return of your wife.

I do hope this helps.

Well, I know this may be tongue in cheek but, seriously, what protection or rights do I have as a betrayed husband, while I am still married to her? It seems to me that the only one who has protection is her to be able to continue with her blatant affair under the NMO.