Separated and house...

**Sapphire** · 16th January 2013, 12:48:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Oh ouch, google family lawyers in your area and get an appointment, most do a consultation for free then you can decide how to proceed, it sounds to me like she's hoping to get on the council and benefits and sit back for a few years on what she thinks will be easy street, you need to get access to the child and maintenance agreed as soon as possible.

**Southwesterner** · 16th January 2013, 12:53:PM

Re: Separated and house...

But do I have a leg to stand on regarding my share of the money and credit record?
or would a judge gives favour to her so they have somewhere to live?
I will be looking for a family solicitor this week

**Sapphire** · 16th January 2013, 13:01:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Well hun, if anything is in her name only then don't pay it, any debts of hers, remain hers. What she seems to be doing is hoping that the house will sell and make her homeless, that way she can get housing benefit and every other benefit. A judge would probably find in the mothers favour, my advice to you is to write down every penny you have paid over to her, support for the child and so on, and I mean everything, keep records of everything you have done every since you split up.
Well done on looking for the solicitor.

**The Debt Star** · 16th January 2013, 13:15:PM

Re: Separated and house...

she will probably also become eligible for legal aid, which isn't going to help your situation.

**Inca** · 16th January 2013, 13:28:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Oh God,,these women don't make the rest of womankind look good do they? She's obviously had friends telling her the way to Easy Street..I concur with the others,,get yourself a good solicitor,,and make sure YOU play by the rules.Keep all receipts,records etc.

**Southwesterner** · 16th January 2013, 13:50:PM

Re: Separated and house...

The house is in both or names as is the loan and credit card in mine.

So all this means if she moves back and refuses to pay the mortgage then either I pay it to save my name and credit history and won't be able to afford to live anywhere else or it defaults and she gets a council house. And I get nothing.

**Inca** · 16th January 2013, 13:56:PM

Re: Separated and house...

It all seems pretty bleak at the moment hun,,but get as much advice as you can,,CAB is a good start too.Things will not be as cut and dried as she thinks it will be. By the way,,and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to,has anything changed in your life recently (new girlfriend)? Cos nothing winds an ex up more than seeing the other party 'move on'

**Southwesterner** · 16th January 2013, 14:02:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Nope, nothing. We all went out as a family on Monday for my birthday and had a very good day. Sheehan said that too.
then Tuesday afternoon everything changed...

**The Debt Star** · 16th January 2013, 14:02:PM

Re: Separated and house...

I think the best course of action is to continue paying the mortgage for the time being. Get some legal advice and review it from there. Financial settlements take a while to achieve but they come eventually. Don't panic. See this as a process and treat each day as it comes. You will get through it.

**Southwesterner** · 16th January 2013, 14:02:PM

Re: Separated and house...

*she then said that too

**Sapphire** · 16th January 2013, 14:25:PM

Re: Separated and house...

At the moment its all pretty raw, you can't think of anything else and how on earth you will move forward, take each step as it comes, get to the solicitor and get as much advice as you can, but be prepared because no matter how much you and the ex want it to be amicable, the majority of divorces can and do turn nasty, its the nature of the animal I'm afraid, just make sure that you know exactly what you need to pay, what you need to do to see the child and get everything in order.
Once all that is in place you will feel so much better and can move on.

**The Debt Star** · 16th January 2013, 14:50:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Originally posted by Sapphire View Post

At the moment its all pretty raw, you can't think of anything else and how on earth you will move forward, take each step as it comes, get to the solicitor and get as much advice as you can, but be prepared because no matter how much you and the ex want it to be amicable, the majority of divorces can and do turn nasty, its the nature of the animal I'm afraid, just make sure that you know exactly what you need to pay, what you need to do to see the child and get everything in order.
Once all that is in place you will feel so much better and can move on.

Best advice you can get, summed up there.

Anyone that's been through it understands, that's fer sure. Your financial settlement is a process and that seems to have commenced.

**MissFM** · 16th January 2013, 18:31:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Have not been divorced myself so am commenting through side-line experience inc. supporting one of my dearest friends through an extremely harrowing divorce which left her financially destitute (ex still extremely well-off, legal reps in clover). The thing I want to add to the good advice given above is please do be very careful that the solicitors (both sides) are actually representing your and your soon to be ex's interests rather than cranking things up (remember that they will be paid whatever and the more legal action the more they will be paid). I know this sounds cynical and you do need to trust your solicitor. Do you think your ex would consider mediation? I would imagine she is in turmoil as well and maybe not thinking straight.

"Amicable divorce" does sound like oxymoron but I do know a few people (inc. my husband) who have acheived it and in every case it has been because they have worked out fair terms between them, without solicitors, THEN instructed solicitors as to what they had decided so that court was just a rubber stamp on decisions with which both sides were, if not happy, in agreement that arrangements were fair.

**Picardlaw** · 10th June 2013, 16:53:PM

Re: Separated and house...

Separating and Settling the Issues Between You
You are separated when you are not living together and it is not
likely that you will live together again. When you separate, there are
many decisions that have to be made.
7 You will need to arrange which one of you will stay in your
home, who will take care of your children, who will pay family debts,
how much support will be paid, and how you will divide your property.
You can resolve things in different ways.
1. You can have an informal arrangement, which can be
verbal or in writing.
2. You can agree on things and write down your decisions in a
separation agreement. A separation agreement must be
signed by both of you in front of a witness for it to be legal.
The witness must sign the agreement too.
3. You can use a lawyer to help you negotiate a separation
agreement.
4. You can use a mediator or an arbitrator.
5. You can use collaborative family law. (If you are interested
in pursuing this option, you should contact a lawyer who
has been trained in collaborative family law.)
6. You can go to court and ask the court to decide.
Unless the circumstances of your separation make it unsafe to
negotiate, because your spouse is violent or threatening, it is better if
the two of you can agree on how to settle the issues between you
through negotiation, mediation or collaborative family law. Court
proceedings can be very expensive and take a long time. If you and
your spouse cannot come to an agreement using one approach you
may want to try another. For example your lawyer may suggest that
you work with a mediator or arbitrator.
Signing a separation agreement is a very important step. Your
decisions now can affect you and your children for the rest of your
lives. If in the future, one of you decides you don’t like the agreement,
you can try to negotiate a new agreement. If you cannot agree you
have to go to court and ask a judge to change it. A separation
agreement is a contract that you must honour. You should speak to a
lawyer to make sure you know all of the legal consequences of your
decisions.
You have a right to complete and honest information about
your spouse’s financial affairs before you make any decisions. Do not
sign anything until you are sure you have all the information you need.
Make sure that you understand what is written down and that you
agree to it.

Separated and house...

Separated and house...

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