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Hi all, I am after some advice for my gf, she is very pessimistic about advice on forums however I often seek advice or help on all sorts of forums, hence me being.
Here is a brief ( i will try to be) note of the situation followed by some questions;
My gf and ex husband have been to court over financials and contact after not being able to agree on anything, she is not a strong person and he displays constant bully behaviour, his way or no way.
Financial agreement, and he agreed to this in court, she would get the savings of £160K, £1300 per month child maintenance, and £500 per month spousal, that is alot of money however he does earn over £100k plus bonuses per annum.
Contact agreement, she has residency in the uk, he sees the two girls every other weekend and has them for half of all school holidays, she takes them to his last residence in Guildford by 5.30 on the Friday, he drops them back to Fareham by 6pm on the Sunday ( approx 45 miles each way).
He has never paid the spousal maintenance and the debt is currently £14k, He refused to pay the child maintenance and the CSA got an attachment of earnings so he had no choice. Caps have been after him to recover the spousal however he has recently in December 2012 moved to Switzerland, therefore outside the EU so the CSA have no way of collecting the maintenance.
He has repeatedly ignored most of the agreements in both court orders for maintenance or contact, and only abides by the courts orders when it suits him but expects her to abide by all of it all of the time. For example he was told not to communicate anything to do with contact arrangements through the children yet continues to through the eldest 13 year old girl, causing anxiety and upset to her. He was also supposed to give 2 months notice, as she is, of any change of address, he has moved twice in the last year and only told her once the move is complete.
He shouted in court that he wanted to see the children and demanded the time etc, yet drops them off early or doesnt have them depending on his plans.
Due to having no fixed address in the uk for the last 6 months, the children spend their weekends with their father in hotels in and around Guildford, meaning no homework gets done etc and the often have to share a sofa bed.
He shows all the traits of a narcissist, if any of you have had dealings with this type of person, I have in my ex, then you know their irrational and uncompromising behaviour.
My gf, whilst i love her with all my heart , has behaved as best as she could as she is emotionally involved, I have offered support and advice as best I can.
My jobs involve studying behaviours and personality types, so i have tried to remain un biased in any advice.
Current situation
He has moved to Switzerland, CSA have closed the file so no money coming in to support the children.
She has still been delivering the children to Guildford where he books a hotel, he has demanded in his text, detailed on next line, that she will take them to an airport and they can fly to him in Switzerland, the children are girls of 11 and 13.
He sent a text in early December detailing he would pay £2k per month , however there was a list of demands that were not livable, for example that my gf delivered the children to where ever he was in the uk, when he wanted, for a stay of as long as he wanted. If she did anything he didnt like he would deduct £500 for each thing he didnt like, plus about another 15 demands, and she was given 24hours to accept and was told it was non negotiable.
Questions and advice please?
Does a UK court order for contact still apply and be legal if he is now living in Switzerland? He is a uk citizen but has no UK residential address.
Is a REMO worth while and an effective method of securing the maintenance, if so how long does it take, if not what are the other options ( bear in mind that he will only do something if he sees its in his interest to do so)
If she communicated the ultimatum of no maintenance no contact, what are the implications, my gf wants the children to see their father as agreed.
Any suggestions advice that may be useful.
My advice has been to stand up to the bully and put boundaries in place that are not to be broken, for example there are both to give each other all details of flights, hotels etc if they are taking the children abroad, 3 weeks in advance of any travel so the other parent knows where the children are, he has never done this and always texts through the eldest child on the day of departure or texts my gf once he has taken them, ( he has already brought them back into the country late from a holiday and they both missed two days of school), my advice was no details no travel.
any thoughts are welcome
Regards
Martin
Here is a brief ( i will try to be) note of the situation followed by some questions;
My gf and ex husband have been to court over financials and contact after not being able to agree on anything, she is not a strong person and he displays constant bully behaviour, his way or no way.
Financial agreement, and he agreed to this in court, she would get the savings of £160K, £1300 per month child maintenance, and £500 per month spousal, that is alot of money however he does earn over £100k plus bonuses per annum.
Contact agreement, she has residency in the uk, he sees the two girls every other weekend and has them for half of all school holidays, she takes them to his last residence in Guildford by 5.30 on the Friday, he drops them back to Fareham by 6pm on the Sunday ( approx 45 miles each way).
He has never paid the spousal maintenance and the debt is currently £14k, He refused to pay the child maintenance and the CSA got an attachment of earnings so he had no choice. Caps have been after him to recover the spousal however he has recently in December 2012 moved to Switzerland, therefore outside the EU so the CSA have no way of collecting the maintenance.
He has repeatedly ignored most of the agreements in both court orders for maintenance or contact, and only abides by the courts orders when it suits him but expects her to abide by all of it all of the time. For example he was told not to communicate anything to do with contact arrangements through the children yet continues to through the eldest 13 year old girl, causing anxiety and upset to her. He was also supposed to give 2 months notice, as she is, of any change of address, he has moved twice in the last year and only told her once the move is complete.
He shouted in court that he wanted to see the children and demanded the time etc, yet drops them off early or doesnt have them depending on his plans.
Due to having no fixed address in the uk for the last 6 months, the children spend their weekends with their father in hotels in and around Guildford, meaning no homework gets done etc and the often have to share a sofa bed.
He shows all the traits of a narcissist, if any of you have had dealings with this type of person, I have in my ex, then you know their irrational and uncompromising behaviour.
My gf, whilst i love her with all my heart , has behaved as best as she could as she is emotionally involved, I have offered support and advice as best I can.
My jobs involve studying behaviours and personality types, so i have tried to remain un biased in any advice.
Current situation
He has moved to Switzerland, CSA have closed the file so no money coming in to support the children.
She has still been delivering the children to Guildford where he books a hotel, he has demanded in his text, detailed on next line, that she will take them to an airport and they can fly to him in Switzerland, the children are girls of 11 and 13.
He sent a text in early December detailing he would pay £2k per month , however there was a list of demands that were not livable, for example that my gf delivered the children to where ever he was in the uk, when he wanted, for a stay of as long as he wanted. If she did anything he didnt like he would deduct £500 for each thing he didnt like, plus about another 15 demands, and she was given 24hours to accept and was told it was non negotiable.
Questions and advice please?
Does a UK court order for contact still apply and be legal if he is now living in Switzerland? He is a uk citizen but has no UK residential address.
Is a REMO worth while and an effective method of securing the maintenance, if so how long does it take, if not what are the other options ( bear in mind that he will only do something if he sees its in his interest to do so)
If she communicated the ultimatum of no maintenance no contact, what are the implications, my gf wants the children to see their father as agreed.
Any suggestions advice that may be useful.
My advice has been to stand up to the bully and put boundaries in place that are not to be broken, for example there are both to give each other all details of flights, hotels etc if they are taking the children abroad, 3 weeks in advance of any travel so the other parent knows where the children are, he has never done this and always texts through the eldest child on the day of departure or texts my gf once he has taken them, ( he has already brought them back into the country late from a holiday and they both missed two days of school), my advice was no details no travel.
any thoughts are welcome
Regards
Martin
to LegalBeagles .
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