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Getting Divorced Need Help with Occupation Order, Stopping Forced Sale?

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  • Getting Divorced Need Help with Occupation Order, Stopping Forced Sale?

    Hi my wife (26yrs+) and I are divorcing, she has subjected the family to abusive and often violent behaviour (much of which provable with pics/video) over the marriage and our marriage effectively ended some years ago, we would have divorced sooner but she left for 2 years which gave us a break, now she's come back and has started all over again, calling the police on myself and my daughter under false pretenses and I in the last few months accusing us of abuse and threatening sale of the house and court. My life is spent avoiding her and recording audio when I'm around her to protect myself but the accusations and abuse just evolve into non-verbal threats and the above police reports.

    I've been expecting a much threatened divorce letter to come through and am glad it has but her solicitor has also issued a list of almost 20 ridiculous undertakings for me to sign within 7 days a 5 year commitment to amongst other things neither of us (my daughter and I) using the shower off her room(my old room), no-one in the house after 10:30pm and without 48 hrs notice and similar etc. etc. witht eh threat if I didn't sign she has apparently 'met the bar for Non Molestation and Occupation Order' and would at immediately apply for the non-mol. I agreed to the divorce and exchange of financial information Form E but refuted the accusations and refused to sign the undertakings, that was a week ago.

    I fully expect she's applied for the non-mol, she is very vindictive and out for herself, lies like water and has no shame of the damage she continues to cause, she has systematically isolated us from family and is determined to get her pay day. I've tried the peaceful divorce/clean break approach but she's not interested, escalating abuse and recent false allegations to the police about myself and my daughter of violence and theft so applying for a Non Molestation / Occupation Order myself seems the only option.

    But until that is resolved life is surviving at the moment, getting through the day without any more upset is enough nowadays, we could get through our divorce without all this but she is obsessively hateful, so we don't communicate, I record whilst around her and my daughter and I isolate in our rooms when she is back from her teaching job, all in all a very toxic situation. She is hell bent on conflict and court and has the money to waste on a solicitor whereas I am looking for work.

    My worry is that if she has already applied for her nonmol against me/us, I will then be on the back foot to defend against, even with contrary evidence a Judge might automatically take the sobbing wife on face value. The only thing giving me any confidence is the weight of historical evidence journals, photos, videos etc. recording and detailing her abuse, the damage to myself and my property, the incidents with the children etc.etc. I have been told I should have enough for even the Occupation Order but I'm very worried that, despite it absolutely being warranted, I might not get it, or even worse she would a Non-Mol on her terms against my daughter and I, either way she would be even more emboldened.

    I tidied up the finances and overdue bills whilst she was gone for 2 years and ensured everything was in credit including our mortgage. Apart from a car loan I have paid down the rest of my non-mortgage debt. However no regular income still means no regular income so a remortgage of sufficient size to pay her off (depending on the valuation) is out of reach unless I get a job immediately paying the same as I was earning a few years ago, unlikely in the short term. I could possibly remortgage to cover the mortgage myself but we have too much equity to afford her 50% on top.

    Selling the house would be the easy option but I am far more attached to it than my wife having invested so much in years and money remodelling/redecorating/fixing it up and my daughter would be distraught. My older two children live away but one is getting married soon and I want to hold on to the house with my finger nails for them and grand children if I can. I know it's likely a pipe dream and I should remove emotion, and I will if I have to but I'll have to exhaust all avenues before a concede defeat.

    So I need time. I could weather even this situation for 6 months which should give enough time but my wife is making that impossible, so I'm hoping a 6 month non-mol / occupation order will hopefully give me that if awarded, at least peace whilst I sort my income problem and get a few payslips under my belt for a remortgage.

    But I know even if she isn't here she can still try to force the sale of the house, potentially apply for an Order for Sale which I understand is expensive and lengthy but doable. It's a worry.

    I understand her Domestic Violence is often a factor the courts consider when looking at forcing sales but I don't know enough to feel I can rely on that. The next thing I'm expecting is a Letter of Severance and am concerned it's the first step in her forcing a sale. So I'm starting to think my 6 months is looking unlikely.

    My apologies for the life story above but I though it best to lay it out so people can see my thinking and I hope give me some assurances I'm on the right track or point me in the right direction if faulty/foolhardy.

    Burning questions:
    • Is it more important to get the non-mol application in quickly or perfecftly i.e. get every scrap of evidence I can find beforehand?
    • If I get the Occupation Order would it stop or delay a Forced Sale and give me the 6 months I need?
    • Does the court hold Order to Sale court processes due to such a situation involving domestic violence?
    • In any case is the house seen as disputed and in limbo during the Financial Settlement/Divorce/Occupation Order?
    • Is the Severance/change to Tenancy in Common the first step in a well known route to force a sale? Should I be worried or just sign it as I still get my share?
    • How much time can I reasonably rely on having before she can get the court to force a sale given all the above?
    • What can I do to stretch out/get more time from the court processes involved so that I can get work/remortgage?

    Thanks in advance everyone, as you can see in summary, I need to get her out to protect myself and my daughter and I need time to get a remortgage so I can keep our family home, I'll do anything to make that happen.

    I know it's a lot but can you help at all? a very stressful few hours at my desk ahead.

    Thanks
    Hopeful24
    Last edited by Hopeful24; 9th February 2024, 22:44:PM. Reason: Same - worried her solicitor will read it
    Tags: None

  • #2
    Hi Hopeful24

    Welcome to LB

    No doubt members can advise.

    Celestine islandgirl Can you please advise.

    Just one question, should she be teaching? (maybe she's a great teacher, I don't know).

    Taking what you've said about her, not a great 'role model'.

    Comment


    • #3
      Very sorry to read all this but sadly not really my area apart from occasionally granting restraining orders for which we do need evidence in the mags court. Your older children may be willing to back up your assertions in court?

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by islandgirl View Post
        Very sorry to read all this but sadly not really my area apart from occasionally granting restraining orders for which we do need evidence in the mags court. Your older children may be willing to back up your assertions in court?
        Thanks, I'm hoping an occupation order will have the same effect as restraining order but as you can tell not my area either.
        My children told me long ago that they would do that if necessary and have reiterated when things have habitually re-escalated but I really don't want to impact their lives any more than has already happened. If I have to call upon them I will but not if I can avoid it.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by echat11 View Post
          Hi Hopeful24

          Welcome to LB

          No doubt members can advise.

          Celestine islandgirl Can you please advise.

          Just one question, should she be teaching? (maybe she's a great teacher, I don't know).

          Taking what you've said about her, not a great 'role model'.

          It's always shocked me that someone with her aggressive/violent/unpredictable personality can hold that kind of position and no-one is the wiser but having said that she is enormously invested in being perfect/beyond repproach to the outside world so as she keeps telling everyone, she is by all accounts an outstanding teacher.
          Her pupils/kids appear to love her but her own kids don't even think she loves them or can love anyone other than herself. It's always appalled/made me feel sick how screwed up it is and how her pupils get the best of her and her own get the worst. Anyone who can make her look good gets the good side.

          Comment


          • #6
            Is there any way to prompt some advice urgently please, I've today almost hit me with her car and accuse me of sleeping with a neighbour I had a short conversation with outside our house, first conversation btw.
            She subsequently contacted her solicitor with the accusation of adultery and both are using the lie somehow as a basis for filing at least a Non-Molestation Order and possibly an Occupation Order on Monday, so I've got until then to do something about it.

            Please can anyone escalate my post and give me some advice urgently?
            Thanks.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Hopeful24 View Post


              It's always shocked me that someone with her aggressive/violent/unpredictable personality can hold that kind of position and no-one is the wiser but having said that she is enormously invested in being perfect/beyond repproach to the outside world so as she keeps telling everyone, she is by all accounts an outstanding teacher.
              Her pupils/kids appear to love her but her own kids don't even think she loves them or can love anyone other than herself. It's always appalled/made me feel sick how screwed up it is and how her pupils get the best of her and her own get the worst. Anyone who can make her look good gets the good side.
              I fully understand, it's difficult 'when you can't do right for doing wrong', so you are treading on eggshells to keep a lid on things to maintain the status quo. Hang in there.

              Hopefully Celestine can advise

              Comment


              • #8
                I'm not sure when Celestine will be able to advise.

                It might be an idea to post on Mumsnet, no doubt there will be someone on there that has gone through a similar experience.

                Comment


                • #9
                  The OP really needs good legal advice.
                  Lawyer (solicitor) - retired from practice, now in academia. I do not advise by private message.

                  Litigants in Person should download and read this: https://www.judiciary.uk/wp-content/..._in_Person.pdf

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by atticus View Post
                    The OP really needs good legal advice.
                    I think he's up against it 'funding' wise, maybe able to get some pro bono advice.
                    Mumsnet will definitely have people who have experienced a 'similar' situation.
                    They will able to answer the questions posed.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Dear Hopeful
                      Thankyou for posting and apologies for delay, half term is upon me.
                      Firstly, how old is your daughter?

                      Secondly, could you PM me your contact details so that I can give you a call. If you suspect her of viewing this page then we should not discuss publicly.

                      Her chances of getting a non mol are low. Adultery, real or not, is not a ground that can be used.

                      "Although scalar fields are Lorentz scalars, they may transform nontrivially under other symmetries, such as flavour or isospin. For example, the pion is invariant under the restricted Lorentz group, but is an isospin triplet (meaning it transforms like a three component vector under the SU(2) isospin symmetry). Furthermore, it picks up a negative phase under parity inversion, so it transforms nontrivially under the full Lorentz group; such particles are called pseudoscalar rather than scalar. Most mesons are pseudoscalar particles." (finally explained to a captivated Celestine by Professor Brian Cox on Wednesday 27th June 2012 )

                      I am proud to have co-founded LegalBeagles in 2007

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                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hopeful - please update us. Given your worries I am happy to have a pro-bono chat offline and have confidence that you can gain control of this horrible situation. Please send me a message or reply here so I can reach out.
                        "Although scalar fields are Lorentz scalars, they may transform nontrivially under other symmetries, such as flavour or isospin. For example, the pion is invariant under the restricted Lorentz group, but is an isospin triplet (meaning it transforms like a three component vector under the SU(2) isospin symmetry). Furthermore, it picks up a negative phase under parity inversion, so it transforms nontrivially under the full Lorentz group; such particles are called pseudoscalar rather than scalar. Most mesons are pseudoscalar particles." (finally explained to a captivated Celestine by Professor Brian Cox on Wednesday 27th June 2012 )

                        I am proud to have co-founded LegalBeagles in 2007

                        If we have helped you we'd appreciate it if you can leave a review on our Trust Pilot page

                        If you wish to book an appointment with me to discuss your credit agreement, please email kate@legalbeaglesgroup. com

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Celestine thanks for responding, hopefully he'll update once he's got perspective, easy to get 'Tunnel Vision' when you fear the worst.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Celestine View Post
                            Dear Hopeful
                            Thankyou for posting and apologies for delay, half term is upon me.
                            Firstly, how old is your daughter?

                            Secondly, could you PM me your contact details so that I can give you a call. If you suspect her of viewing this page then we should not discuss publicly.

                            Her chances of getting a non mol are low. Adultery, real or not, is not a ground that can be used.
                            Apologies for the delay in response, a lot going on this week and I've not checked the forum until now, not sure if my notifications are set up correctly because I had no idea new replies had been posted.

                            My daughter is 21 so she can't be included in my application.

                            I'll figure out how to PM you my details so we can have an uncensored conversation, so far it's been difficult to get advice when I feel I have to be very careful in what I say, I think I've already given away too much but how else to give everyone a true picture.
                            Hopefully you can help give me some guidance.

                            Thanks everyone for your replies and support, I will be on the forum every day now for advice with all the legal letters/court proceedings.

                            Hopeful24

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Hopeful24 View Post

                              Apologies for the delay in response, a lot going on this week and I've not checked the forum until now, not sure if my notifications are set up correctly because I had no idea new replies had been posted.

                              My daughter is 21 so she can't be included in my application.

                              I'll figure out how to PM you my details so we can have an uncensored conversation, so far it's been difficult to get advice when I feel I have to be very careful in what I say, I think I've already given away too much but how else to give everyone a true picture.
                              Hopefully you can help give me some guidance.

                              Thanks everyone for your replies and support, I will be on the forum every day now for advice with all the legal letters/court proceedings.

                              Hopeful24
                              Click 'envelope', then scroll down to send New Message', then 'Celestine', then 'Subject' then your 'message', then send.

                              Comment

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