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Hi my wife (26yrs+) and I are divorcing, she has subjected the family to abusive and often violent behaviour (much of which provable with pics/video) over the marriage and our marriage effectively ended some years ago, we would have divorced sooner but she left for 2 years which gave us a break, now she's come back and has started all over again, calling the police on myself and my daughter under false pretenses and I in the last few months accusing us of abuse and threatening sale of the house and court. My life is spent avoiding her and recording audio when I'm around her to protect myself but the accusations and abuse just evolve into non-verbal threats and the above police reports.
I've been expecting a much threatened divorce letter to come through and am glad it has but her solicitor has also issued a list of almost 20 ridiculous undertakings for me to sign within 7 days a 5 year commitment to amongst other things neither of us (my daughter and I) using the shower off her room(my old room), no-one in the house after 10:30pm and without 48 hrs notice and similar etc. etc. witht eh threat if I didn't sign she has apparently 'met the bar for Non Molestation and Occupation Order' and would at immediately apply for the non-mol. I agreed to the divorce and exchange of financial information Form E but refuted the accusations and refused to sign the undertakings, that was a week ago.
I fully expect she's applied for the non-mol, she is very vindictive and out for herself, lies like water and has no shame of the damage she continues to cause, she has systematically isolated us from family and is determined to get her pay day. I've tried the peaceful divorce/clean break approach but she's not interested, escalating abuse and recent false allegations to the police about myself and my daughter of violence and theft so applying for a Non Molestation / Occupation Order myself seems the only option.
But until that is resolved life is surviving at the moment, getting through the day without any more upset is enough nowadays, we could get through our divorce without all this but she is obsessively hateful, so we don't communicate, I record whilst around her and my daughter and I isolate in our rooms when she is back from her teaching job, all in all a very toxic situation. She is hell bent on conflict and court and has the money to waste on a solicitor whereas I am looking for work.
My worry is that if she has already applied for her nonmol against me/us, I will then be on the back foot to defend against, even with contrary evidence a Judge might automatically take the sobbing wife on face value. The only thing giving me any confidence is the weight of historical evidence journals, photos, videos etc. recording and detailing her abuse, the damage to myself and my property, the incidents with the children etc.etc. I have been told I should have enough for even the Occupation Order but I'm very worried that, despite it absolutely being warranted, I might not get it, or even worse she would a Non-Mol on her terms against my daughter and I, either way she would be even more emboldened.
I tidied up the finances and overdue bills whilst she was gone for 2 years and ensured everything was in credit including our mortgage. Apart from a car loan I have paid down the rest of my non-mortgage debt. However no regular income still means no regular income so a remortgage of sufficient size to pay her off (depending on the valuation) is out of reach unless I get a job immediately paying the same as I was earning a few years ago, unlikely in the short term. I could possibly remortgage to cover the mortgage myself but we have too much equity to afford her 50% on top.
Selling the house would be the easy option but I am far more attached to it than my wife having invested so much in years and money remodelling/redecorating/fixing it up and my daughter would be distraught. My older two children live away but one is getting married soon and I want to hold on to the house with my finger nails for them and grand children if I can. I know it's likely a pipe dream and I should remove emotion, and I will if I have to but I'll have to exhaust all avenues before a concede defeat.
So I need time. I could weather even this situation for 6 months which should give enough time but my wife is making that impossible, so I'm hoping a 6 month non-mol / occupation order will hopefully give me that if awarded, at least peace whilst I sort my income problem and get a few payslips under my belt for a remortgage.
But I know even if she isn't here she can still try to force the sale of the house, potentially apply for an Order for Sale which I understand is expensive and lengthy but doable. It's a worry.
I understand her Domestic Violence is often a factor the courts consider when looking at forcing sales but I don't know enough to feel I can rely on that. The next thing I'm expecting is a Letter of Severance and am concerned it's the first step in her forcing a sale. So I'm starting to think my 6 months is looking unlikely.
My apologies for the life story above but I though it best to lay it out so people can see my thinking and I hope give me some assurances I'm on the right track or point me in the right direction if faulty/foolhardy.
Burning questions:
Thanks in advance everyone, as you can see in summary, I need to get her out to protect myself and my daughter and I need time to get a remortgage so I can keep our family home, I'll do anything to make that happen.
I know it's a lot but can you help at all? a very stressful few hours at my desk ahead.
Thanks
Hopeful24
I've been expecting a much threatened divorce letter to come through and am glad it has but her solicitor has also issued a list of almost 20 ridiculous undertakings for me to sign within 7 days a 5 year commitment to amongst other things neither of us (my daughter and I) using the shower off her room(my old room), no-one in the house after 10:30pm and without 48 hrs notice and similar etc. etc. witht eh threat if I didn't sign she has apparently 'met the bar for Non Molestation and Occupation Order' and would at immediately apply for the non-mol. I agreed to the divorce and exchange of financial information Form E but refuted the accusations and refused to sign the undertakings, that was a week ago.
I fully expect she's applied for the non-mol, she is very vindictive and out for herself, lies like water and has no shame of the damage she continues to cause, she has systematically isolated us from family and is determined to get her pay day. I've tried the peaceful divorce/clean break approach but she's not interested, escalating abuse and recent false allegations to the police about myself and my daughter of violence and theft so applying for a Non Molestation / Occupation Order myself seems the only option.
But until that is resolved life is surviving at the moment, getting through the day without any more upset is enough nowadays, we could get through our divorce without all this but she is obsessively hateful, so we don't communicate, I record whilst around her and my daughter and I isolate in our rooms when she is back from her teaching job, all in all a very toxic situation. She is hell bent on conflict and court and has the money to waste on a solicitor whereas I am looking for work.
My worry is that if she has already applied for her nonmol against me/us, I will then be on the back foot to defend against, even with contrary evidence a Judge might automatically take the sobbing wife on face value. The only thing giving me any confidence is the weight of historical evidence journals, photos, videos etc. recording and detailing her abuse, the damage to myself and my property, the incidents with the children etc.etc. I have been told I should have enough for even the Occupation Order but I'm very worried that, despite it absolutely being warranted, I might not get it, or even worse she would a Non-Mol on her terms against my daughter and I, either way she would be even more emboldened.
I tidied up the finances and overdue bills whilst she was gone for 2 years and ensured everything was in credit including our mortgage. Apart from a car loan I have paid down the rest of my non-mortgage debt. However no regular income still means no regular income so a remortgage of sufficient size to pay her off (depending on the valuation) is out of reach unless I get a job immediately paying the same as I was earning a few years ago, unlikely in the short term. I could possibly remortgage to cover the mortgage myself but we have too much equity to afford her 50% on top.
Selling the house would be the easy option but I am far more attached to it than my wife having invested so much in years and money remodelling/redecorating/fixing it up and my daughter would be distraught. My older two children live away but one is getting married soon and I want to hold on to the house with my finger nails for them and grand children if I can. I know it's likely a pipe dream and I should remove emotion, and I will if I have to but I'll have to exhaust all avenues before a concede defeat.
So I need time. I could weather even this situation for 6 months which should give enough time but my wife is making that impossible, so I'm hoping a 6 month non-mol / occupation order will hopefully give me that if awarded, at least peace whilst I sort my income problem and get a few payslips under my belt for a remortgage.
But I know even if she isn't here she can still try to force the sale of the house, potentially apply for an Order for Sale which I understand is expensive and lengthy but doable. It's a worry.
I understand her Domestic Violence is often a factor the courts consider when looking at forcing sales but I don't know enough to feel I can rely on that. The next thing I'm expecting is a Letter of Severance and am concerned it's the first step in her forcing a sale. So I'm starting to think my 6 months is looking unlikely.
My apologies for the life story above but I though it best to lay it out so people can see my thinking and I hope give me some assurances I'm on the right track or point me in the right direction if faulty/foolhardy.
Burning questions:
- Is it more important to get the non-mol application in quickly or perfecftly i.e. get every scrap of evidence I can find beforehand?
- If I get the Occupation Order would it stop or delay a Forced Sale and give me the 6 months I need?
- Does the court hold Order to Sale court processes due to such a situation involving domestic violence?
- In any case is the house seen as disputed and in limbo during the Financial Settlement/Divorce/Occupation Order?
- Is the Severance/change to Tenancy in Common the first step in a well known route to force a sale? Should I be worried or just sign it as I still get my share?
- How much time can I reasonably rely on having before she can get the court to force a sale given all the above?
- What can I do to stretch out/get more time from the court processes involved so that I can get work/remortgage?
Thanks in advance everyone, as you can see in summary, I need to get her out to protect myself and my daughter and I need time to get a remortgage so I can keep our family home, I'll do anything to make that happen.
I know it's a lot but can you help at all? a very stressful few hours at my desk ahead.
Thanks
Hopeful24
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