Is there any other way I can protect my finances and future finances/estate

[Wylderose]

My divorce papers were served on my ex beginning of October. Unfortunately I married a narcissist and I was advised that even though I had waited for 2 years, I would be best filing for Unreasonable behaviour as he could possibly just not acknowledge service.

True to type he has done just that. He has not acknowledged service. After I was informed that the papers had been served, I emailed him to ask whether he had acknowledged service and sent him the Financial questions for the Clean break. I have several "Read Receipts" that indicate when and how many times he has read the emails - I put an email tracker on my emails to him. I also have an email from him saying that he does not know what to do with the papers so he has not sent them back and a request asking to come over for help to complete them. No surprise - a no show there too.

It is now nearly a month since the papers were issued. I think I have enough evidence of service through the emails to be able to file for Deemed Service, but as he has not/will not provide his financial details I am somewhat stuck with the Clean break.

We came to an amicable agreement over he division of assets a year ago, so I don't know why he is now so reluctant to provide financial details. I can only assume that this is more of his mind games. I realise that no matter what we agreed, it is not legally binding until officially signed off by the judge.

I cannot afford the prolonged legal wrangle of dragging him before the courts and having the judge order him to produce his finances. That will bankrupt me, so what I am asking is, is there any other way to protect myself from future claims against me or my estate?

Thank you

[echat11]

MIKE770 des8 Can you take a look and advise, many thanks.

[des8]

Sorry, but I can't help in this situation.
Perhaps Celestine can, or knows who might have ideas.

[MIKE770]

Celestine better area?

[Celestine]

Grrrr narcissists are so frustrating to deal with. He is only doing this to still 'mess' with you and make himself still have some petty control over your life.

Do you still have contact with him? Could you meet for a coffee to sort this out? That's what he wants, a little attention and ego massaging to 'allow' you to go free.

As for the importance of the 'clean break' - do you have children? Are you wealthy? Likely to inherit money?

You can make applications to court yourself if you feel confident, you would only have to pay the court fees. I'm pretty certain a court would be sympathetic towards a divorcee like you who has behaved rationally and attempted to resolve the matter amicably.

[Wylderose]

Thank you for your response. I wish it was as easy as meeting for coffee. He has ghosted me since he left over 2 years ago. Refused my calls and only responds reluctantly to emails.

We have no children and wealthy - I wish.... There is no-one for me to inherit anything from. All I have is a meagre LGPS pension (I have not worked for the council long enough to have accrued much in benefits) and the house that I pay the mortgage on.

He asked if he could meet up last week to complete the forms to send back - did not show up. Re-arranged for Sunday - did not show up. Now he is telling me that he never received the Acknowledgement - just the petition.

My solicitor is now saying that the courts do not approve Deemed Service on the basis of email confirmation that he has received the petition because "they could have originated from someone using his account". I even have emails stating that he does not want a share of my pension, my house or my future income, but this apparently is not enough for the courts. Sounds to me like a sales tactic for "pay some more money for a Process Server"

Sorry to vent. Just get a bit fed up because I don't have a money tree in the back garden

[Wylderose]

Grrrr narcissists are so frustrating to deal with. He is only doing this to still 'mess' with you and make himself still have some petty control over your life.

Do you still have contact with him? Could you meet for a coffee to sort this out? That's what he wants, a little attention and ego massaging to 'allow' you to go free.

Thank you Celestine. What you said made some sort of sense out of his behaviour.

I made contact with him, spent an hour and a half listening to him complaining about how everyone was treating him badly, biting my tongue when he started to include me in that sob story. It did not do my ego or my head much good as it has taken me two years to start to put myself back together again.

I met with him yesterday - another 3 hours of him whining and I eventually got the Acknowledgement completed and signed and I hope he will be true to his word and post it today. I also managed to get the financial questionnaire completed and back to my solicitor for drafting.

To say I feel totally drained - my head is now cabbaged and I surely hope that nothing else goes wrong

Thank you again for your help

[Celestine]

Well done! X

Narcissists always have to balance their neediness alongside ‘being the good guy’. Hopefully allowing him to whine for a few hours was a sharp reminder of why freedom is so good. Your drained feeling will subside as you realize you’re free for good and outplayed him.

[Wylderose]

I hope so to. At least it enabled me to see him for the sad, needy, lying little ....... that he is and no longer as the loving and attentive man who swept me off my feet so many years ago. That did not last long either

[Celestine]

I hope so to. At least it enabled me to see him for the sad, needy, lying little ....... that he is and no longer as the loving and attentive man who swept me off my feet so many years ago. That did not last long either

That's called Love Bombing.
Narcissists use it to lure you in like a Venus Flytrap. They mirror your behaviours, beliefs and passions to be the 'prefect' partner. You fall in love with that person............. and then for him, the sheer effort of keeping up the mask wears off and it starts to slip.
(Just spent the last 12m supporting a friend through a break from a narcissist, so am wearily familiar with the tactics)
Please let us know when that acknowledgment is posted in.

[Wylderose]

Success..........

My financial order has just come through. Clean break - no financial settlement from my property or pension. He does not profit from our marriage - contributed nothing anyway apart from grief. Divorce will be final in a couple of weeks time and I am seriously considering a deed poll to get rid of the last tie to him - his name. Now there is no need to see or speak to the little cretin ever again and it feels so empowering

[Celestine]

Fantastic......go and enjoy your freedom!