Ex Husband controlling arrangements via 'Agreement of Understanding'

[Louisa191]

Hi,
Please can someone advise me on the below document? I can't attach it so I've copied and pasted the contents with names redacted.
Ex Husband is a first year open university student and has sent me this, written by himself, following me raising concerns about our child. To clarify, I've committed none of the behaviours he's listed in the document however he's manufacturing a case of harassment simply because he doesn't like me raising said concerns. Each time I try to speak to him about any issues with our son I'm met with threats of legal action. Those concerns are mostly centered around our sons emotional wellbeing.
I suffered coercive control and manipulation during our marriage which only ended last year, this has been reported to Police and is ongoing, however my Ex's desire to control me and our situation is clearly still very much ongoing. I've had a couple of legal heads read it so far and consensus is it's not really worth the paper it's written on, some specifics would be appreciated. His main concern appears to be not wanting me near his property to collect our son as he sees this as 'intimidating', however on the current arrangement we have this means by default he's now at my front door twice daily to collect and return our son, which I equally don't want and neither does my new partner. It feels like he's doing this to continue being able to see my whereabouts and home environment but not willing for this in reverse.
Thoughts/opinions/guidance appreciated.
Cheers for looking.

27^th April 2021
Dear
I am writing in order to set out, what I deem to be, reasonable requests based on recent behaviour by yourself.
These requests are informal; however, I have the intention to make them legally binding should the situation warrant it.
If the following steps are transgressed, my next course of action would be to organise a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) to ascertain whether Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) would be appropriate and effective for us to resolve any issues. I am willing to attend and would endeavour to settle any dispute at ADR.
If MIAM suggests that ADR would not be appropriate for us to resolve our issues, I would seek to apply, with notice (unless the situation dictates otherwise), for a Non-Molestation Order on the grounds that your recent behaviour has caused me to be alarmed, harassed and distressed.
I would be seeking to recover legal costs in relation to an application to the court.
Please see the following agreement that would have the intention of forming a binding understanding between us.
Yours sincerely
The Parties

1. The applicant is .........

The respondent is ......... (nee ......)
Definitions

1. The “children of the family” are:
   1. .......... born on .........

1. The “applicant’s home” is .............

1. The “respondent’s home” is ...........

1. The “applicant’s family” is the applicant, any paternal family member, spouse, common law partner, friend or child not defined as a child of the family.

1. The “respondent’s family” is the respondent, any maternal family member, spouse, common law partner, friend or child not defined as a child of the family.

Recitals

1. This is an agreement between the applicant and the respondent.

1. The agreement is in force until further notice or until a court order is made.

1. This agreement has no bearing on, or intention to alter any child arrangement plan or child arrangement order.

It is agreed (by consent)

1. The respondent, ......., must not use or threaten violence towards the applicant, ........, or the applicant’s family and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.

1. The respondent, ........, must not intimidate, harass or pester the applicant, ........., or the applicant’ family and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.

1. The respondent, ........, must not telephone, text, email or otherwise contact or attempt to contact the applicant, ........., or the applicant’s family (including via social media, social networking websites or other forms of electronic communication or messaging) [except for the purpose of making arrangements for the contact between the respondent and the children of the family or for reasons of immediate welfare for the children of the family].

1. The respondent, ........., must not damage, attempt to damage or threaten to damage any property owned (whether solely or jointly with another) by, or in the possession of the applicant, ........., or the applicant’s family and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.

1. The respondent, ........, must not damage or threaten to damage the property or contents of the applicant’s home and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.

1. The respondent, .........., must not publish or distribute information, stories, videos, photographs, comments or any other form of electronic media, communication, information or material via social media or social networking websites about the applicant, .............., or the applicant’s family or allow any such material to be published or distributed that may imply that the media, communication, information or material is about the applicant, .........., or the applicant’s family and must not instruct, encourage or in any way suggest that any other person should do so.

1. The respondent, ........., must not act with consent or connivence towards a situation that makes the applicant, ..........., or the applicant’s family feel alarmed, harassed or distressed.

1. The respondent, ..........., must not enter or attempt to enter the applicant’s home or any other property that the respondent believes the applicant, ........., or the applicant’s family to be living and must not go within 50 metres of it except for the respondent’s, ..........., or the respondent’s family’s purpose of collecting or returning the children of the family or any such contact that may be agreed between the parties or in default of agreement ordered by the court.

1. The applicant, ........., will collect and return the children of the family to the respondent’s, ..........., address at the agreed times between the parties unless it is mutually agreed between the parties for an alternative collection or return location or time for the children of the family.

Duration of agreement

1. Paragraphs 10 to 18 of this agreement shall be effective against the respondent, ........., and the respondent’s family once it is personally served on them.

1. Paragraphs 10 to 18 of this agreement shall last for an indefinite period of time unless it is set aside by consent of both parties or varied before then by order of the court.

Costs

1. An application for costs against the respondent,..........., would be made should a Non-Molestation Order be sought by the applicant, ........... via the court.

[Bella640]

Hi

The wording is similar to what would be in a non-molestaion order and if you went to court, under family courts it is very hard to get costs back. Its interesting to know it's all against you but he is not prepared to do the same. Looking at it, it seems to make out, these are things you would do? Or is he trying to use the letter to set you up?, especially if DV has been involved. Get some independent free advice from a solicitor, if your on benefits, then you make get legal aid. Otherwise, try legal court bundles on facebook.

[echat11]

Just thinking outside of the box (bear that in mind), can't you also set out your own terms (otherwise it's unequal) as he has done above, then go to mediation, hopefully meet somewhere in the middle.