Domestic Abuse Divorce advice

[Fernandes18]

Hi. Sorry if this goes on a bit and the fact I'm on my phone means spelling errors so hope it makes sense.

I have been married for 7 years now we have two children together. Youngest is one and oldest is five.

Things have always been tough and my wife has been extremely jealous for a long time. Nothing I ever did really helped things. I moved away with her but still it all continued and now it has reached the point where things are really bad.

Alot of the issues were about me socialising with people and I finally bit back about my work Xmas party and things have ramped up.

I've taken years of mental abuse and some physical abuse but yet I'm not at a point where my wife has filed for divorce against me for unreasonable behaviour.

I am deeply shocked by this but she has rich parents who can fund things and they have made me an offer to leave of 17.5k. To sign my house over to them and to move out. Does all feel slightly like a bribe of I'm honest. I regret reporting things now but never wanted to because I firstly didn't believe it was really happening and secondly due to the kids.

The issue I have is as part of the divorce her dad, who is the one I'm dealing with throughout, is saying that they have listed me as liable for all court costs due to the unreasonable behaviour but will change this if I take the money.

I own my house but when we put the deposit in it was a gift from her mum and dad after a family friend left them the money. They can prove this as they produced a letter at the time saying the money was being given the my wife so there is proof of that.

If I decide to fight what is on the divorce papers and go to court over the house I probably stand to lose money but wanted people's options on this.

Would I really get nothing from the house sell if they can prove the deposit wasn't mine. The deposit was 45k.

The other issue is the i did want the kids to stay in this house so buying me out seemed like a good idea but morally I'm struggling to accept all this.

Never quite understand how someone can treat you so badly and then still come out better off then you.

Thank you.

Steve

[Celestine]

Hi - welcome to LB
Really sorry to hear of the troubles you are experiencing with your marriage, good on you for seeking out independent advice to get a better picture of the situation.
Whether 17.5k is appropriate would all depend on the value of the house, your respective salaries and contributions and the ages of the children.
It sounds as if the deposit contribution is well evidenced so you are probably wise to assume that as her contribution.

Depending on your respective salaries, one or both of you will need to provide for the children until they leave ft education, so unless the house is enormous, it would probably be cost effective to try to work to keep the children in the home if the house value is modest.

Your wife, as the petitioner, would be liable for court fees but ordinarily each party bears the cost of their respective legal fees unless one party behaves terribly and adds lots of unnecessary costs to the proceedings. It sounds as if they are using the phrase 'unreasonable behaviour' to alarm and unsettle you when in fact it is one of the most common reasons for divorce, especially as we still await the change in law to reflect no fault divorces. Even being shown to have behaved unreasonably during the marriage itself would not be reason enough to force you to bear legal costs for both parties.

I know of someone whose husband was unfaithful and yet the divorce went ahead on the grounds of HER unreasonable behaviour to get the divorce done. I would recommend you contact a firm of solicitors for some initial advice on the financial settlement. A couple of hours solicitor time should give you a clearer picture on whether this deal is fair and will work for all of you in the long term.

[pindorialaw]

We are really sorry to hear about you having gone through such troubles with your marriage. But it is really good that you have decided to seek independent advice to get out of this situation.

Since you are going through such difficult times and your wife and her parents are proving to be really difficult to deal with you should first try and take all the necessary steps for your own safety and the safety of your children. Once that is done, you must seek legal advice from a divorce lawyer. If you leave the house without any good reason, this is what the court would consider for real, this might affect your alimony situation. In case you do leave the house, you will not be able to go back until the court officially divides the property.

Since the deposit on your house was paid by your wifes' parents, there is a possibility that the house will go to her. But it still depends on how you are represented in the court by your lawyers.

Stay in the house until after you discuss each and every detail with a lawyer. If this looks like a decent and safe option, you can continue living in the house at least for a while, if not the only safe thing to do is just leave the house, but in any case our divorce lawyer will explain process and get advice on it.