Relocating

[Guest]

I have a child arrangements order which states that "hereby given permission to relocate with the children". The child arrangements order was taking out in December 2017 and it includes the info that I'd like to move in the next 6 to 12 months.

During the summer holidays, through an argument with my ex I ended up with a bruised face which I initially believed with through being punched in the face. A non molestation order is in place until the end of Jan 2019.

When the child arrangements order was taken out I wanted to move during the school summer holidays. I didn't do anything about this but now want to move at Christmas at the latest. I have told my ex this news. We have not decided how to split the finances. This involves a house. I want to sell the house and relocate 3 hours drive away. He disagrees. He says he'll give me the house 100% to stay in the area. His other offers about splitting the finances IMO are not fair. At the weekend, he announced a new girlfriend to FB friends. He is also quoting social services to me (this is now a closed case) and saying that the social worked "expressed serious concerns" about my planned move.

I feel controlled by his demands. I want to be able to make my own decisions. I want to have a fair split of the money based on needs and contributions to the house and family.

Can I move when I want, ie at October half-term? Will there be any repercussions? Can he stop me moving?

Thanks in advance for any help.

[Peridot]

Hi Unhappymum,

So difficult for you. Ultimately you have an order from the Court that states that you have permission to relocate with the children. Technically your ex could make a further application to the Court but if the circumstances have not changed I can't see why the Court would refuse you permission. From what you have said the order doesn't appear to give a timescale for the 'move' and even then it would appear to be within the 6-12 mths that you initially indicated.

The financial settlement is a separate issue. I assume that the property is in both names? Were you married? Have you sought legal advice on how to deal with the finances previously? How was the property held as joint tenants or tenants in common? Sorry so many questions, but this will help us point you in the right direction. What makes you think his other offers are unfair, again I would ask have you taken advice on any offers?

I understand why you want to be able to stand on your own two feet. It sounds like you have made the right decisions.

Of course the children's contact with their father is another issue. Are you still willing for them to spend time with him after a move? Have you any idea how contact could be arranged. How old are the children and would they be able to travel to see him?

Hopefully with a little more information we can direct you a bit more clearly.

[Guest]

Thank you for your response.

The property is in joint names, bought before we were married. We were married before the children were born. It's in my name 60/40 as tenants in common. I got some legal advice before the incident and the non molestation order. The sticking point seems to be the fact that we weren't married when we bought the house and I have been told that "you wouldn't have done it different amounts if you were married, would you". I paid the 10% deposit on the house.

The child arrangements order already includes contact arrangements with the father after the move. We are moving closer to family.

The finances are mostly about the pensions and the house. Since my primary age children have been born I have worked part time and paid minimum into my pension. My ex has paid 10x my amount into his pension.

He wants 50/50 from the house but he'll let me remain in the family home for 100% of the house. This feels like control. I have been previously advised 60/40 plus 1 pension of his plus spousal maintenance. (I had previously said in paperwork that I did not want spousal maintenance.)

Thank you in advance for any help.

[Peridot]

Hi again,

It does seem like he is trying to hold you to ransom. I suspect that you would feel better with the support of your family in this situation hence the decision to make the move. The offer made does not seem unreasonable 60/40 and if you are willing to leave the claim for spousal maintenance it seems even more fair.

I would go with the advice you have been given. If you have a lawyer acting for you maybe it is time to make the final offer before issuing proceedings for the Court to deal with this if he refuses to negotiate a settlement. With the non-mol order in place I suspect there would be little sympathy for him and as you say it appears to be a control tactic by him. Yes you could agree to have 100% of the property but would he then refuse to sign the necessary paperwork to transfer it? Would the mortgage lender agree to you taking over the mortgage solely. Would he then hold this over you in the future if you still decided you needed your families support so wanted to move anyway?

Sorry it is so difficult. It seems that you have agreed the contact he will continue to have with the children, which is really important this is about their relationship with their dad. However you no longer have to have a relationship with him other than child arrangements. You don't need him controlling what you do going forward. I hope that makes sense?

If you still have a lawyer helping with this do speak to them and maybe set yourself a timescale within which if he doesn't agree to a sensible settlement that you are also happy with then you issue Court proceedings to deal with the finances. At least that way you are within a timetable so things can't just drift indefinitely.