Funding my divorce

[Deltic Bouy]

I am being taken through a highly acrimonious divorce by my Ex who as yet has not given a single good reason for why she left, she told her best friend I had done nothing wrong to force her to leave but after some initial discussions about what she wants it seems her solicitor has persuaded her to take me for every penny she can.
Due to the costs I had to dispense with a solicitor early on but now things are getting very desperate in the courts dealing with finances which it seems I am being driven to pay all her costs, and maintenance even though her kids are grown up.
I cannot cope or understand what my rights are but from normal income cannot just afford to pay a solicitor outright.
What other options are there for paying for legal advice especially as I am trying to not lose my home which is only 4 years from being paid off but if I lose it, for what I now pay in mortgage I could not afford to rent a 1 bed flat in the area so would likely end up living in my car which will not be good with my health issues

[MIKE770]

Peridot

[2222]

If I summarise this:
1. You need a solicitor.
2. You can't afford to pay one out of income, but the mortgage is practically paid off, so there must be lots of equity in your home.

What is stopping you borrowing against the house in order to afford a solicitor? It's not what you want to do, but it seems you have no choice, as this is a complex area and it's much too easy for the other side to run rings round you.

Incidentally, how is your ex- affording to pay her solicitor? If she has so much money, perhaps you should be claiming maintenance from her!

Finally, have you seen this very useful guide?
https://www.judiciary.uk/related-off...es-on-divorce/

[Amethyst]

Are the children just your wife's children ?
How long were you married ?
Is the house you live in jointly owned ?
Are they asking for spousal maintenance or child maintenance ?
Etc etc

Many questions reqd before any any help can be given - if you've been to mediation already and failed then the court will need to go through everything and a solicitor would be far better placed to advise you what to fight against and what is likely to be seen as fair in any financial arrangements.

SandraF

[Deltic Bouy]

If I summarise this:
1. You need a solicitor.
2. You can't afford to pay one out of income, but the mortgage is practically paid off, so there must be lots of equity in your home.

What is stopping you borrowing against the house in order to afford a solicitor? It's not what you want to do, but it seems you have no choice, as this is a complex area and it's much too easy for the other side to run rings round you.

Incidentally, how is your ex- affording to pay her solicitor? If she has so much money, perhaps you should be claiming maintenance from her!

Finally, have you seen this very useful guide?
https://www.judiciary.uk/related-off...es-on-divorce/

Though the mortgage is virtually paid off the house is in joint names so borrowing against it can't be done without her agreement, it is also pertinent to note that I am at an age where extending my mortgage is going to be difficult

My ex tells me "She has an agreement with here solicitor, he is going to take a percentage share of whatever he can get from me!" Doesn't sound particularly fair way to operate as it incentivices him to seek more

[Deltic Bouy]

Are the children just your wife's children ?
How long were you married ?
Is the house you live in jointly owned ?
Are they asking for spousal maintenance or child maintenance ?
Etc etc

Many questions reqd before any any help can be given - if you've been to mediation already and failed then the court will need to go through everything and a solicitor would be far better placed to advise you what to fight against and what is likely to be seen as fair in any financial arrangements.

SandraF

She has 2 children from her first 2 marriages, they came into my life when they were very young and I brought them up as my own and we never received any help from their Fathers!
I had children from my first marriage who stayed with my 1st wife but I paid for and had lots of visitation rights and they stayed over with us as they grew up and indeed we would over the years go away on holidays as a family of 6.
We were married just short of 17 years.
Yes the house is both jointly owned on a mortgage and due to a period of inability to work for about 2 years due to physical difficulties on my part we had to arrange a shared ownership with a local housing association to avoid losing the house.
I do not know it just says they are applying for me to pay all her costs and to pay her maintenance, this even though she has worked almost throughout the marriage earning near to the same as myself.
We have never been to mediation and indeed when I questioned her on this early on I was told that her solicitor had told her "not to go to mediation as she won't get a fair deal!" This likely tied to the deal she tells me she has come to with her solicitor to afford his services where he will take a percentage share of however much he manages to get out of me!
As I have said I initially employed the services of a solicitor but when he was asking for me to bring my payments to him upto date as they had come to £1500+vat for one 45 minute consultation, one 15 minute phone call, 2 letters and 6 emails it became clear I could not allow costs to keep spiralling out of control like that so had to dispense with his services.

[Peridot]

Hi Deltic Buoy,

Sorry to hear of your issues. Going back a step the divorce has been issued and on what basis?
Now you are dealing with the separation of the finances/assets of the marriage.
All the children are now adults and independent, is that correct?

As far as any solicitors fees are concerned this is of course a matter between the lawyer and their client, your ex. They can come to their own arrangement however their duty is not only to their client, but the Court too.

The way financial agreements are dealt with is based on a number of factors. These are found in the section 25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and include the following:-

• the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources that each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future, including in the case of earning capacity any increase in that capacity that it would, in the opinion of the court, be reasonable to expect a party to the marriage to take steps to acquire

• the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities that each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future

• the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage

• the age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage

• any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage

• the contributions that each of the parties has made or is likely in the foreseeable future to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family

• the conduct of each of the parties, if that conduct is such that it would in the opinion of the court be inequitable to disregard it

• in the case of proceedings for divorce or nullity of marriage, the value to each of the parties to the marriage of any benefit that, by reason of the dissolution or annulment of the marriage, that party will lose the chance of acquiring

Under the Act, the Court has to consider whether a clean break can be achieved.

The court must weigh up all the factors in deciding whether a clean break is appropriate in the particular circumstances of the case. The starting point would be a 50/50 split, but then all the above factors are considered and a decision made whether a 50/50 split is still appropriate.

Mediation is recommended in all but a few situations, for example where domestic violence is a factor then it may not be appropriate for mediation to be pursued.

The application for the financial aspects to be dealt with will include all possible claims and also a request for an order the other party pays the costs. This is usual and doesn't mean that the final order will actually say you will be paying maintenance or have to pay the costs. It will all depend on your respective finances.

Further down the line you will have financial disclosure between the parties by way of Form E's and any negotiations will be on the basis of the respective parties needs and the assets available. Have any proposals for how you separate the finances, been made yet? If you are unable to instruct a lawyer to help you through this I would suggest that at the bare minimum, if you are able to negotiate a settlement that you get any draft consent order considered by a solicitor at that point just so you have some advice on whether the order is appropriate.

If the parties are unable to negotiate a settlement then the matter would have to be decided by the Court. This is a costly and stressful process and if it is possible to avoid it that would be preferable.

A negotiated settlement would be preferable and if the Court feels that the settlement agreed is not appropriate or fair, they

can request a clarification hearing.

I suspect you may be getting ahead of yourself at this stage. Take a breath, start collating your financial information so that you are ready to complete your financial statements and again offer to mediate with your ex if she is agreeable. If there is no reason not to mediate then it does not reflect well on her down the line.

This link may help to explain the process that will need to happen to settle the financial matters between you:-

http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/financial/legal-process.htm and these are the different sorts of order that can be made:- http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/financial/settlement.htm

Take a breath and here if you need any more pointers along the way.

[Photega]

xxxx

[Deltic Bouy]

Hi Deltic Buoy,

Sorry to hear of your issues. Going back a step the divorce has been issued and on what basis?
Now you are dealing with the separation of the finances/assets of the marriage.
All the children are now adults and independent, is that correct?

As far as any solicitors fees are concerned this is of course a matter between the lawyer and their client, your ex. They can come to their own arrangement however their duty is not only to their client, but the Court too.

The way financial agreements are dealt with is based on a number of factors. These are found in the section 25 Matrimonial Causes Act 1973 and include the following:-

• the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources that each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future, including in the case of earning capacity any increase in that capacity that it would, in the opinion of the court, be reasonable to expect a party to the marriage to take steps to acquire

• the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities that each of the parties to the marriage has or is likely to have in the foreseeable future

• the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage

• the age of each party to the marriage and the duration of the marriage

• any physical or mental disability of either of the parties to the marriage

• the contributions that each of the parties has made or is likely in the foreseeable future to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family

• the conduct of each of the parties, if that conduct is such that it would in the opinion of the court be inequitable to disregard it

• in the case of proceedings for divorce or nullity of marriage, the value to each of the parties to the marriage of any benefit that, by reason of the dissolution or annulment of the marriage, that party will lose the chance of acquiring

Under the Act, the Court has to consider whether a clean break can be achieved.

The court must weigh up all the factors in deciding whether a clean break is appropriate in the particular circumstances of the case. The starting point would be a 50/50 split, but then all the above factors are considered and a decision made whether a 50/50 split is still appropriate.

Mediation is recommended in all but a few situations, for example where domestic violence is a factor then it may not be appropriate for mediation to be pursued.

The application for the financial aspects to be dealt with will include all possible claims and also a request for an order the other party pays the costs. This is usual and doesn't mean that the final order will actually say you will be paying maintenance or have to pay the costs. It will all depend on your respective finances.

Further down the line you will have financial disclosure between the parties by way of Form E's and any negotiations will be on the basis of the respective parties needs and the assets available. Have any proposals for how you separate the finances, been made yet? If you are unable to instruct a lawyer to help you through this I would suggest that at the bare minimum, if you are able to negotiate a settlement that you get any draft consent order considered by a solicitor at that point just so you have some advice on whether the order is appropriate.

If the parties are unable to negotiate a settlement then the matter would have to be decided by the Court. This is a costly and stressful process and if it is possible to avoid it that would be preferable.

A negotiated settlement would be preferable and if the Court feels that the settlement agreed is not appropriate or fair, they

can request a clarification hearing.

I suspect you may be getting ahead of yourself at this stage. Take a breath, start collating your financial information so that you are ready to complete your financial statements and again offer to mediate with your ex if she is agreeable. If there is no reason not to mediate then it does not reflect well on her down the line.

This link may help to explain the process that will need to happen to settle the financial matters between you:-

http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/financial/legal-process.htm and these are the different sorts of order that can be made:- http://www.divorceaid.co.uk/financial/settlement.htm

Take a breath and here if you need any more pointers along the way.

Hi
Yes both her children whom I have brought up with no provision from their fathers at all are now both working and in the mid 20's
I do feel that having an arrangement where a solicitor is working on a basis of a percentage share of whatever he can achieve from the respondent (Me) is very improper as this will incentivise the Solicitor seek to get as much as possible, it should be pointed out that the solicitor does not specialise in family matters but rather employment law and when I did see a solicitor he told me this solicitor did his training with them and was quite clearly not interested in family law as it did not pay well enough.
This also shows in the fact that he has told my Ex not to go to mediation because "She will not get a good deal!"
There have been a number of acrimonious events since separating which is on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour none of those were listed as being DV but she then started trying to provoke issues and arguments by refusing contact with my Dog even though this had been ordered in the small claims court order and he has tried to use these for the court to suggest that there was DV, she even took me to court for Harassment but this was subsequently overturned on Appeal as I proved out that she had deliberately provoked issues and had used witnesses whose testimony I was able to get 3 witnesses who contradicted this witness statement to such a point the CPS dropped the case at the Appeal in July.
I have expressed this to the court along with copies of private messages shared with her friends who say she told them when she left I had done nothing wrong to make her leave but the court has refused this and said it is not prepared to have us go to mediation to settle many of the issues without having her solicitor keep getting her to change her initial requests of what she wants.
For example she said that she didn't want to go after pensions but now has done, did not want me to pay her costs or indeed any maintenance even though this is what he has got her requesting in the court now. The Ex said all she wanted was 50% of the property equity to which I agreed saying to get 3 valuations, take the average and I would seek to buy her out by taking 25% from my pension pot which at the time she seemed happy with but then she became acrimonious I have since put this offer in writing to her solicitor back in May but still have no response to this instead keeping pushing ahead for a settlement in the courts.

[Peridot]

Hi Deltic Buoy,

From the sounds of it the only thing you can do is follow this through the Court system I'm afraid. It does sound like your ex (via her solicitor) may not be open to negotiating a reasonable settlement. You seem to have suggested mediation and also made offers which is the sensible, expected course to take. Assuming these are reasonable offers (50/50 split being the starting point) there is little else you can do.

I understand that it is really difficult when you are having this sort of stuff chucked at you but do try and keep a level head about it. Jump through the hoops regarding disclosure of financial information and think seriously about what a 50/50 split looks like, on the basis of all your and your ex's assets, including pensions, etc. This is what the Court will be looking at and will expect the parties to do the same. The Court will rein in your ex's solicitor if he is being unreasonable in the way the matter is being handled. You need to try and keep a cool head and appear the reasonable one, no matter how much you are smarting.

It will get sorted eventually and from the sounds of it the Court is the best place for this to be done. Just try and keep to the facts of the division of assets. It appears there is an element of mud slinging on her side and although really tough you need to stay focused and calm about things, to prevent it deteriorating further and potentially providing any ammunition for her.

If you receive any offers feel free to ask for any more guidance but just bear in mind the factors the Court will be looking at (in the last post the s25 factors) to reach a final settlement.