Children's rights ???

[Diana M]

Re: Children's rights ???

So, tomorrow is the day I can finally lodge the papers with the court. Just so I know I've got the right forms, can someone please clarify or put a link to the forms I need?

Did you mean to post this on your ownthread where the history of your own issue can be seen?

http://legalbeagles.info/forums/show...875#post697875

Di

[RJH]

Re: Children's rights ???

Did you mean to post this on your ownthread where the history of your own issue can be seen?

http://legalbeagles.info/forums/show...875#post697875

Di

Yes! Sorry, had both open on seperate tabs and obviously used the wrong one. D'oh!

[Allbee1]

Mediation letter

So I received this letter today. No date on it etc. Father of the kids has decided he now wants contact after messing them around for over 4 years. Of course he is playing happy families with new g/f of 3 months so is trying to prove he's dad of the year and I'm stopping him from seeing the kids. Where as it's the children who don't want to see him at all after all the messing about he's given them. Please find attached this letter. Is it a formal thing or just information where the ex is trying to scare me ???
Thanks in advance you guys are angels. X

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

Hi Allbee1,

It looks like he has taken legal advice regarding contact and they have told him he needs to try mediation to settle this amicably without the need to make a s1 Children Act application. How old are the children again?

In the event this went to Court (pending confirmation of the children's ages) then the Court will, more likely than not say that it is in the children's best interests to have contact, unless there are specific circumstances (which would have to be pretty serious) that should prevent such contact.

I would suggest maybe mediation is sensible if they are initially offering a meeting with you alone in the first instance where you can point out the issues over the last 4 years and your reasons why you are reluctant to make further arrangements. However, as I say unless there have been very serious issues such as abuse, it is likely that the family Court would order some sort of contact.

It may be sensible to try and agree something without the need to go to Court. Maybe building up to a regular arrangement over a period of months. You could then see how this goes. Maybe he will shoot himself in the foot and not keep to the mediated agreement which would make it harder in the future to argue for contact on his terms if the children have been messed around. They will of course be that much older then too. Using the mediation route would be a lot cheaper than digging your heels in and waiting for the Court application to come through? Have they mentioned costs of attending mediation? Is your ex offering to pay for you to attend?

If the children are older then the Court may be more reluctant to make an order, as older children do have a tendency to vote with their feet.

Hopefully this gives you some pointers. I'll wait to hear their ages before adding anything.

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

Hi Allbee1,

It looks like he has taken legal advice regarding contact and they have told him he needs to try mediation to settle this amicably without the need to make a s1 Children Act application. How old are the children again?

In the event this went to Court (pending confirmation of the children's ages) then the Court will, more likely than not say that it is in the children's best interests to have contact, unless there are specific circumstances (which would have to be pretty serious) that should prevent such contact.

I would suggest maybe mediation is sensible if they are initially offering a meeting with you alone in the first instance where you can point out the issues over the last 4 years and your reasons why you are reluctant to make further arrangements. However, as I say unless there have been very serious issues such as abuse, it is likely that the family Court would order some sort of contact.

It may be sensible to try and agree something without the need to go to Court. Maybe building up to a regular arrangement over a period of months. You could then see how this goes. Maybe he will shoot himself in the foot and not keep to the mediated agreement which would make it harder in the future to argue for contact on his terms if the children have been messed around. They will of course be that much older then too. Using the mediation route would be a lot cheaper than digging your heels in and waiting for the Court application to come through? Have they mentioned costs of attending mediation? Is your ex offering to pay for you to attend?

If the children are older then the Court may be more reluctant to make an order, as older children do have a tendency to vote with their feet.

Hopefully this gives you some pointers. I'll wait to hear their ages before adding anything.

Hi they are 15 and 8.

To to be quite honest I am happy for him to take me court. He was abusive mentally. And screaming in my youngest face "shut the f**k up your giving me a migraine every time he did have them not very often at all. I've also found a sex video of him on my younger daughters iPad which she has seen before I could get the thing off her. My older daughter was also left to look after the youngest on these rare occasion visits as he would go to sleep. He was on Facebook and on friend requesting barely legal teenage girls and also found emails of him asking people on eBay to try on the underwear they were selling so he could see what it looked like. They do talk with his mother and father on FaceTime. So this isn't a I'm going to punish aeveryone thing. He is completely unfit person to be around these girls. I live in stoke and the mediation is in Birmingham. Where his girlfriend lives. He lives in Cannock. Not a chance with the anxiety I suffer am I going to Birmingham which he knows. I think first session was free.

Thnks again

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

Hi Allbee1,

Now I recall, when you mentioned the iPad issues. I would contact the mediator (by phone) and flag these issues. You may then get some sort of confirmation that the matter is not suitable for mediation which could help in the long run if it goes to Court. It is definitely worth discussing the mental abuse issues and the inappropriate things that you believe have happened on the previous contacts. It is unlikely the Court would insist on contact with your 14 year old but the 8 year old would probably be expected to see their father. Forgive me if I have it wrong but had your older child said they would go to contact, to make sure your youngest was ok there? It doesn't seem right or fair to put this on your eldest mind you.

It would be an idea to keep a diary if you haven't already, of any incidents. Try and prepare a timeline that you keep up to date going forward. It should include incidents, contact occasions and the outcome of such contact, children's comments where appropriate following contact etc.

I'm glad the children still have some contact with their grandparents. Just as an aside, would they be able to assist with any contact arrangements, if it came to that?

Maybe supervised contact is a way forward? I don't mean to be pushy over the contact but am just aware of the Court's attitude so trying to think of alternatives for you rather than having the stress of Court attendances, costs etc.

It is of course for him to make the application to Court. Maybe the cost would put him off? So you have the 2 options currently, try and agree something through mediation even if supervised contact initially or wait to receive a Court application.

Here if you need us.

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

I had mentioned to him about sending all the evidence I have to his solicitor and all he said was " well if your solicitor wants to send me the evidence then he would instruct a solicitor". So I don't even think he has one only that he has been seeking advice and this "free " first session is all he got. I assumed if he wanted to go to court being as though it's him that is making an attempt to go he would have to apply.

The grandparents live in Bedfordshire so realistically wouldn't be able to. I can write everything down. I also have the video footage and pictures of all the evidence I have. My youngest is going to be starting counselling soon due to many dif things going on with her. She even tells the school daddy put a rude film on her iPad. Or daddy's mean and shouts. She remembers him throwing us out of the house at 10.30 one evening in winter where we had to travel to my mums an hour away. Etc

i cant see personally any way forward with mediation as I'm not willing to force the children to go. However I could call them to see what they say.
And they are refusing and will happily tell you or anyone else why.

I know the court will act in what they see is in the best interest. However all they see is pieces of paper of he said she said. Obviously because you do get the vindictive parents who try to stop others just because.

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

Hi Allbee1,

It is a really tough one. So pleased your youngest is getting some help now. That will obviously have a bearing. I would suggest just contacting the mediator to acknowledge receipt of the letter and maybe explain a little around why you don't think mediation would be appropriate. Then just wait to receive an application. As you hinted earlier, this may well be that your ex is trying to curry favour with the new girlfriend. appearing to be the dotting dad, with the vicious ex who won't let him see his lovely children yada yada yada.

If he isn't likely to get funding for a Court application, then it may well not happen, or it may in which case you deal with it at the time. It seems to me if the children refuse and on the basis of the incidents that have happened the Court may order CAFCASS be involved to speak to the children themselves.

Do get that timeline going so that if you ever need to prepare a statement it will be a far easier exercise and you'll already have dates and examples to include. It is hard, you want to be free of the ex and they keep popping up just as you think you're getting sorted.

Contact the mediator and explain why you don't think it's appropriate to try and mediate. As you say this may well be the only thing he is willing to try due to lack of funds but also be prepared for an application. If that happens you will need to justify why you didn't try mediation so something on record to the mediator would be helpful, explaining that the children do not want to see him due to past experiences when you have encouraged contact in the past and give a few examples. I recall the iPad incident but this thing with facebook is maybe something new? Write it all down so you can be clear about dates, events etc when asked. It will help.

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

Hi Allbee1,

It is a really tough one. So pleased your youngest is getting some help now. That will obviously have a bearing. I would suggest just contacting the mediator to acknowledge receipt of the letter and maybe explain a little around why you don't think mediation would be appropriate. Then just wait to receive an application. As you hinted earlier, this may well be that your ex is trying to curry favour with the new girlfriend. appearing to be the dotting dad, with the vicious ex who won't let him see his lovely children yada yada yada.

If he isn't likely to get funding for a Court application, then it may well not happen, or it may in which case you deal with it at the time. It seems to me if the children refuse and on the basis of the incidents that have happened the Court may order CAFCASS be involved to speak to the children themselves.

Do get that timeline going so that if you ever need to prepare a statement it will be a far easier exercise and you'll already have dates and examples to include. It is hard, you want to be free of the ex and they keep popping up just as you think you're getting sorted.

Contact the mediator and explain why you don't think it's appropriate to try and mediate. As you say this may well be the only thing he is willing to try due to lack of funds but also be prepared for an application. If that happens you will need to justify why you didn't try mediation so something on record to the mediator would be helpful, explaining that the children do not want to see him due to past experiences when you have encouraged contact in the past and give a few examples. I recall the iPad incident but this thing with facebook is maybe something new? Write it all down so you can be clear about dates, events etc when asked. It will help.

Hi hi thanks I will call the mediator tomorrow. And def get a timeline of events written down.
The emails and the face book thing are along the same time as everything else he has done. I get so wound up with the stupidity of it all I forget to mention previously. However will take my time and get all things organised in case he makes an application to the court.

Im all for kids seeing both parents. My older son moved in with his dad when he was 15/16 as his dads was closer to the college he wanted to go. however his dad was fantastic father and still is.

Im looking out for the girls and worries me his new gf has a young daughter because as soon as his feet are firmly put he will do the same things to her and child. However I'm not getting involved with that or I will be the jealous ex "rolling my eyes at this point". She has to find out herself.

Thanks for for your advice. I will no doubt be back. I think you ladies and gents on here are amazing. X

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

Thanks Albee, we try x

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

Ok so I've now had an email from my ex saying he's filing the court papers on the 27th April. So court will be happening and his parents are paying for that as he's not working. I'm on esa and cannot get legal aid unless I can prove the emotional abuse that we have endured over the years as I had never reported it. So looks like I will be supporting myself. ���� This is not going to end well.

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

You don't know it won't end well. Wait to receive the Court papers. He hasn't issued yet. Once you get them then we deal with the next step.
All you can be is truthful. Once you have the papers maybe get a free or reduced fee appointment so you can have the options explained before making any decision.

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

I'm absolutely devastated I don't think I can get help with this. But your right I don't know how it will end. Another waiting game. The panic has set in I'm afraid. Thanks for your reply Peridot x

[Peridot]

Re: Mediation letter

You can get help, it's just knowing where to start. Please take a breath you will get through it. As I say he hasn't issued yet.
Let's assume he does, you are going to need some support, there are several options out there and which you can access now rather than wait to receive the Court papers.

The Gingerbread organisation offer support in various forms and can be found here:- https://gingerbread.org.uk/
They may have local groups near you that you could go to?

I have also been told about Coram who deal with children law cases and offer advice:- http://childlawadvice.org.uk/
I understand they can provide telephone advice and also reduced fee assistance although you would need to speak to them about this. The website has some useful information on it that may help.

It may be worth contacting the CAB (Citizen's Advice Bureau) many of their offices have solicitor evenings dealing with specific areas of law. You may get an appointment with a specialist if they are available in your area.

Please don't feel like you are alone there is help out there.

[Allbee1]

Re: Mediation letter

Thank you so much I've said your all angels on here. I will definitely be looking in to the above things you mentioned. X