My options

[hibbmtfc]

Basically I'm gonna be wanting to take my ex to court soon to gain access to see my twin daughters but I've no idea how to go about it

I'm not on the birth certificate
I don't know where she lives
I don't have a contact number for her
I've not seen them since September 9th 2015 cos of her bitterness
She called me a pedo for no reason at all which she said sorry for months later
I've not paid anything since mid October 2015
She's lied time and time again to keep me away from them including telling me she'd moved to Surrey for 4-5 months which is 8 hours away which she never did
The reason she stopped me seeing them was cos she was making small talk and I told her I wanted to stick to talking about the girls and she basically didn't like it.She even rearranged me seeing them cos she was "going out with her boyfriend and she had forgot",something which was also a lie
She offered me contact a few months back for a poxy half hour while they were eating in macdonalds,wtf am I suppose to do in that time of they are eating?I asked to an alternative and she was just making excuses

I don't want a solicitor who's gonna tell me what I want to hear as well just so I take them on,I'd rather have a straight talking one.Can I go for shared custody?Will the courts take into account her lies or the fact I've not seen them for nearly a year and not grant me access even though it's not my fault?Im pretty much clueless tbh

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

Anyone?

[charitynjw]

Re: My options

Hi hibbmtfc

I'm tagging [MENTION=49370]Kati[/MENTION] who can probably suggest the best person/people to respond to your queries.

[Kati]

Re: My options

possibly [MENTION=8640]leclerc[/MENTION] [MENTION=15129]Crazy council[/MENTION] [MENTION=87380]Diana M[/MENTION] [MENTION=6]Amethyst[/MENTION]??

[leclerc]

Re: My options

Basically I'm gonna be wanting to take my ex to court soon to gain access to see my twin daughters but I've no idea how to go about it

I'm not on the birth certificate
I don't know where she lives
I don't have a contact number for her
I've not seen them since September 9th 2015 cos of her bitterness
She called me a pedo for no reason at all which she said sorry for months later
I've not paid anything since mid October 2015
She's lied time and time again to keep me away from them including telling me she'd moved to Surrey for 4-5 months which is 8 hours away which she never did
The reason she stopped me seeing them was cos she was making small talk and I told her I wanted to stick to talking about the girls and she basically didn't like it.She even rearranged me seeing them cos she was "going out with her boyfriend and she had forgot",something which was also a lie
She offered me contact a few months back for a poxy half hour while they were eating in macdonalds,wtf am I suppose to do in that time of they are eating?I asked to an alternative and she was just making excuses

I don't want a solicitor who's gonna tell me what I want to hear as well just so I take them on,I'd rather have a straight talking one.Can I go for shared custody?Will the courts take into account her lies or the fact I've not seen them for nearly a year and not grant me access even though it's not my fault?Im pretty much clueless tbh

I'd advise a solicitor to be honest. First things first, you need to find out where she lives as you cannot issues proceeding against Miss A Smith, with an address of somewhere in the United Kingdom.
You might be eligible for legal aid and DNA tests is the first thing you need to do because if you aren't the father then the case is worthless in pursuing.

If you are the father then you're gonna have to pay child support(and probably have to pay backdated child support since you've paid nothing for almost a year).
Contact is contact so I think refusing to even have access is not particularly something that will go in your favour.

Perhaps she could argue that you did not want contact and you refused access when asked about it.
(her solicitor would make that case and perhaps might suggest that it was a last gasp attempt to try and get a relationship between yourself and your children).

This is from another website: https://www.dad.info/divorce-and-sep...responsibility

It might be useful to you.

[Diana M]

Re: My options

How old are your twin daughters?

And do you know why your name was not put on their birth certificates?

I can see that you stopped paying maintenance towards them the month after their mother stopped your contact so maybe that's only making matters worse.

Di

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

I'm not on the birth certificate cos she's an idiot and never wanted me to have any rights to them,even threatened to adopt them(not Litrally)so I can never have any rights.I didn't even go to the birth cos she "wanted someone there who would keep her calm.I am 100% the father but cos she's so spiteful she will say she don't know just so I have to pay for a dna test,there is no legal aid in England anymore.I don't mean to sound rude but half hour in a packed place while they are eating is hardly contact and she knows I suffer with bad anxiety.She kept making excuses about an alternative.So does her lies and the fact she called me a pedo for no reason mean nothing?I can prove all the things I've said as well.Also why is it fair for me to keep paying yet I'm being kept away from them cos she's a spiteful bitch?Also I've lost count how many weeks I was paying £15-20 a week even though she was only entitled to £7 a week with me being on benefits and I paid half torwards things and bought them things myself

[Diana M]

Re: My options

May I ask (and you don't have to answer) why did the relationship between you and your twins' mother break down? Had you been living together before the babies were born ?

I only wondered how old the twins are in case they're old enough to have their own wishes considered.

Di

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

I did edit my last post and added a bit more on the end.The girls are nearly 3.Feb 2013 we had an argument one night while I was out drinking and she told me she was gonna find someone else and I had a one night stand that night.Ever since then she's been very controlling and basically punished me by using them as a weapon

[Diana M]

Re: My options

Iwe had an argument one night while I was out drinking and she told me she was gonna find someone else and I had a one night stand that night.Ever since then she's been very controlling and basically punished me by using them as a weapon

I think your assessment of the situation sounds about right. You're both angry at each other and she's found a way to press your buttons by denying you contact with your little girls.

The next step is to find a way to break this impasse and I'm not sure that 'going legal' is going to improve your chance of resolving this (I'm not a family lawyer BTW).

Is there anyone who could act as a go between like a grandparent on either side? Maybe even see if you can reach agreement through mediation?

I take your point about why should you keep paying towards the kids when she's being so spiteful, and the only answer I've got to that is it's not their fault and three year olds do need to be fed and clothed.

Di

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

I take your point about why should you keep paying towards the kids when she's being so spiteful, and the only answer I've got to that is it's not their fault and three year olds do need to be fed and clothed.

Di

On the flip side its not my fault im not seeing them.I dont deserve to be treated this way.After everything shes lied about and believe me its alot,i cant begin to tell you how much i hate her and i hope karma gets her in a big way!Shes basically said i will never know where she lives and shes changed her number and also that the girls hate me even though they were only 2 and a half at the time.Only time shes offered me more time with them was when she tried blackmailing me into having ''friends with benefits'' with her to which i told her no,again i can prove this.Spiteful parents shouldnt be allowed to get away with this yet they do and they bloody know it as well.Where is the protection for fathers?Silly me,family courts dont care

[Openlaw15]

Re: My options

Basically I'm gonna be wanting to take my ex to court soon to gain access to see my twin daughters but I've no idea how to go about it

I'm not on the birth certificate
I don't know where she lives
I don't have a contact number for her
I've not seen them since September 9th 2015 cos of her bitterness
She called me a pedo for no reason at all which she said sorry for months later
I've not paid anything since mid October 2015
She's lied time and time again to keep me away from them including telling me she'd moved to Surrey for 4-5 months which is 8 hours away which she never did
The reason she stopped me seeing them was cos she was making small talk and I told her I wanted to stick to talking about the girls and she basically didn't like it.She even rearranged me seeing them cos she was "going out with her boyfriend and she had forgot",something which was also a lie
She offered me contact a few months back for a poxy half hour while they were eating in macdonalds,wtf am I suppose to do in that time of they are eating?I asked to an alternative and she was just making excuses

I don't want a solicitor who's gonna tell me what I want to hear as well just so I take them on,I'd rather have a straight talking one.Can I go for shared custody?Will the courts take into account her lies or the fact I've not seen them for nearly a year and not grant me access even though it's not my fault?Im pretty much clueless tbh

I note she called you a paedophile, even if it were a malicious comment. It seems strange that you're not on the birth certificate? When the girls were born, didn't you want anything to do with them? Did you come into their young lives later on? Were you not at their birth, did you want to be on the girls' birth certificates? I just don't understand how you're not on the birth certificates. If you don't know where their mother is, how can you have a relationship with the girls. The courts would prevent a disclosure of the girls whereabouts if they suspected they were at risk from you. Other than that, you should have the right to have a relationship with your girls. Normally, procedure is mediation but in your circumstances that's not viable.

In general

You don't necessarily need a DNA test to prove you're the twins father, as non biological partners grow close to their once ex partner's children, yet can still get a court order to have access, where the biological parent behaves unreasonably. It depends how much of a relationship you have with your twin girls, which will determine how likely you are to get a court order for access. I presume you have had long relationship with said girls, no doubt since they were born, and have 'father' status to them. The facts: the girls are nearly 3, so it's presumed you have been known as their father since said time and, of course your own family ties with said girls. Besides, only if there was a case of 'paternity' issue realistically and not just some spiteful comments from an ex who knows how to press your buttons, would there be a need for a DNA test to prove the girls are yours (in the biological sense). Your family, ie mother, who've had relationship with the girls could apply for a court order in their own right, as presumably they're kin, ie blood relatives.

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

She didn't have me on the birth certificate cos she didn't want me to have any rights over them which she has told me.I wasn't there at the birth cos she wanted "someone there who would keep her calm" which is just total bs!If your asking me if me being a pedo is true I'd be more than happy to give you or someone else on here a link to her Facebook page and ask her yourself.As I've said,she's said sorry albeit 4-5 months later.My relationship with them has always been stop start cos of her being spiteful and revengeful cos I had a one night stand with someone on the night she told me she was gonna find someone else.End of the day I've done nothing wrong when it comes to them,she's just very controlling and knows she can stop me seeing them at any time and that she "don't have to let me see them" as she says and I can also prove.I was at the hospital the day after and to clarify I've always wanted to be in their lives but cos of her I can't.Then I had no money but now I've come into some.I messaged her friend to tell her to my ex so,since then ex has unblocked me on whatsapp and offered me contact although she wants a friend there as well cos I've told her to drop dead a few times through my anger torwards her now she feels threatened by me which again is total bs.Please note we have never had an argument face to face or a bad word apart from one time she attacked me and cut my ear.She won't let me see them on my own cos she thinks I'll run off with them.She knows I suffer with bad social anxiety so I wouldn't cope in a random please with her friend being there.trust me,she knows exactly what she's doing!She tells me if it goes to court that she will demand I only have an hour every 2 weeks and that's what the court will agree to.If that's true then it's absolutely ridiculous!Ive tried mediation a few times and she's refused everytime.As it stands they probably don't know who I am but that ain't my fault.She stopped me seeing them nearly a year ago because she was making small talk and I told her I just wanted to stick to talking about the twins.Her reaction to that was her rearranging me seeing them cos she was "going out with her boyfriend and she had forgot",something that turned out to be a lie and that I can prove.She was being nosey about my private life so I told her I had friends with benefits with someone which I did at the time,to that she was saying it was a relationship which it was not but she wouldn't take that for an answer and told me I was lying to the girls which makes no sence at all then proceeded to tell me I wasn't gonna go near her front door again,all I can prove

[hibbmtfc]

Re: My options

Just had this from her today as well

Couple of points here Ian.
1- u haven't said what it is u exactly want
2- as u are saying u haven't seen them for a year that also brings up other questions as to who has been providing for them
3- as u have said in your words they are half yours so half financial responsibility goes to you as well if that is the case
4- what you want re visiting
5- the nastiness of messages needs to stop end of no matter how angry you are as this is not acceptable behaviour
6- what you want to be known as to the twins as they have a dad around daily and I don't want them upsetting even a court can't enforce they call you dad I have checked this out
7- monthly reviews to visiting either changing days or uping time etc
8- school holidays will need discussing as I won't upset the other 4 routines and family days out
9- I do have the final say as to who is part of their lives and who is introduced to them they don't like change and I don't want them confused or upset in any way
10- no pictures on any social media at all there are too many people in this world that steal photos to use them for wrong

As I've said,she's controlling and she will never compromise.Ok I'm not paying for them but I've always paid £15-20 a week which is 2-3 times more than she's entitled to and she's also stated before she don't want anything in terms of money

She seems to know it all

"Court will give u 2 days a fortnight"

Before she said it was 1 day a fortnight for 1 hour lol

[Diana M]

Re: My options

At least she seems willing to arrange ongoing contact even if it's not in the way and as often as you would like (yet)

She says she wants the nastiness to stop. She accepts that you are angry.

You're both still 'talking' (or texting/emailing) so there's hope isn't there?

She raises the issue of the fact you stopped financial support for your daughters. It seems she sees that as a statement of some sort. I personally don't think money and contact/access should be related but she does. I guess that's because she does the weekly shop which for three year old twins will not be small!

Hang on in there and keep talking with the mother of your precious little girls until this gets resolved amicably. It'll be hard work but it'll be worth it.

Di