Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

[Brewster0101]

Hi - This is going to sounds bad of the cuff on my part, but the history is long.
I am the father to a 13-year son. He lives with his mum, we've never been together since his birth. We were never married, I don't have legal responsibility for him, I never sought it.

We kept things somewhat civilised for 13 years. I've paid maintenance always and we've made arrangements for me to see him regularly.

Problem is that she is now remarried and has a small house with 5 more children and another on the way. This is resulting in her (the mum) trying to tell me to have my son more, like whole school holidays etc, which I can't do as I work full time. She has become very aggressive and more offensive in the last 14 months. She is often not home at our normal arranged time for me to drop my son and just generally making things harder.

Can she legally 'leave' him with me without my permission? and if she does what can I do?

[Kati]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

tagging [MENTION=6]Amethyst[/MENTION] ... if she can't advise then she may know who can xx

[Diana M]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

What a shame when everything seems to have gone so smoothly for nearly thirteen years.

Has your son said anything to you about all this? Would he like to spend more time with you if the logistics could be worked out?

Di

[Brewster0101]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

He doesn't want to spend more time with me. I live about 60 miles away. He has his friends and sleep overs etc at home.

There is something wrong with the dynamics at home for him. There seems to be alot of angry behaviour that flares up every 2 or 3 weeks. When he is being told off he wants to live with me, but last year we seriously gave him that option and he didn't want to.

Problem is I feel that his mother feels she can push me around and dictate what she wants and when. I only hear from her when she has problems, never about school reports or the good stuff.

[Brewster0101]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

My concern is that she will ( and has constantly threatened to do so) drive him to my drive way and leave him there.

If I was at home all day , I'd have no problem. But I work long hours and my wife is away for 6 weeks. I've no one else who can look after him.

[JulieM]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

Can I be blunt?

The most important person in all this is your son. How many people live in this small house, two adults and 6 children and one bun?

How many of the children are your ex's ? Is there a possibility that your son is being abused or bullied in some way, remember abuse comes in many forms from many people.

I know it's nearly school holidays, maybe even holidays now, do you have any contact with the school.

As you seem to have no parental responsibility legally , if your ex dropped him off you would have 3 choices, keep him, return him or contact social services. All 3 could have deep implications for your son, children can be very sensitive and 13 is an awkward age.

Sorry i cant offer real help. You have my thoughts and moral support though

[leclerc]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

How to leap from mother being a bit of an arse to the dad and wanting him to have his child more to child abuse? That is a big leap btw. The boy's view at that point in time would be taken into consideration IF, and this is a huge IF, there is any law case.

I think the kid needs to tell his mum his views and why he has them to be honest.

[Brewster0101]

Re: Advise on how to deal with mum and son issue

Thanks Julie for your reply.

Hi leclerc. I don't think there is any case of abuse. My son demonstrates from time to time very uncontrolled anger at home. This could be from lack of space, attention or maybe something else. It happens with me from time to time. I think his mum fights fire with fire - this is her way, and where he gets it from. So things spiral out of control very quickly at home for them. And this is when I get contacted out of the blue.

Mum often takes her anger and frustration and directs it at me. The step dad is also hot headed, but I don't think there is any concern for abuse, although he can shout very loud and be very intimidating.

Little background, the mum has been in and out of the foster system as a child, her mum suffers from mental issues/aggression etc
My sons mum also works at the same school. She is very paranoid of what people think of her and is very very good at keeping problems at home away from the public.

Talk of child services or me getting legal advise sends her into a frenzy of abuse and rubbish. Sad thing is I listen to it over the phone - perhaps I need to learn to hang up.