Husband playing mind games

[ruthie59]

Hello to all you lovely people,

I'm in the process of getting divorced and to say that my husband is playing mind games is an understatement. He has set up the home phone to bar incoming calls from withheld numbers, however I have had to remove the bar in the last couple of weeks to enable calls from my GP concerning treatment to a broken hip and to receive calls from a friend in France who was having a serious operation. I had e-mailed to advise him of this and am still waiting for an acknowledgment although I know he has read the message.

My husband works away from home during the week and I never know if he will be here at the weekend. I received a call from a witheld number recently and the caller hung up before I could get to the phone.

He has previously said that if the facility was removed he would have the phone cut off.

My question is whether he is able to do this. I am trying to be reasonable but his solicitor is demanding that we sort these things out between ourselves amicably as he is not entitled to legal aid. However he is being anything but reasonable and I feel that he is playing mind games with me.

My solicitor and I are waiting for financial disclosure from him.

Apologies for the long post.

Any advice would be welcome.

Ruthie

[Berniethebolt]

Re: Husband playing mind games

I assume that you are still living under the same roof at the moment

Whose name is the phone in, if it is his the telephone provider should not have let you make a change to the service, if it in his name I think he can probably do what he wants .

One solution, if you are remaining in the home after the divorce is to have the phone put in your name but this might just make things more difficult. Do you have a mobile phone? If not why not get a cheap PAYG phone and give the number to your GP and other friends

[ruthie59]

Re: Husband playing mind games

Hi,

The phone is in his name but I followed a numerical sequence to unblock the witheld number situation and informed him before I did it out of courtesy. It's not a permanent measure, just for a couple of weeks and he knows it.

We will be selling the house so no problems there. I do have a mobile but in this part of the country, reception is at best poor so we have to rely on the landline.

Thanks for your prompt reply.

Ruthie

[ruthie59]

Re: Husband playing mind games

Hi,

The situation here has worsened in the past few days. My husband no longer has a job and has moved back into the house, bringing his girlfriend with him. He is behaving very strangely and refuses to speak to me when I attempt to talk to him. He has told his solicitor that he will not acknowledge any letters from mine as he does not qualify for legal aid. How am I supposed to communicate with him?

I want to take steps to get the girlfriend out of the house. Can anybody out there tell me if that's possible? I'm at the end of my tether and feel like there's no point in carrying on. I feel absolutely worthless. Surely this behaviour is a form of mental abuse?

Thanks in advance for any help.

Ruthie x

[judgemental24]

Re: Husband playing mind games

That is unreasonable behaviour as that is still the marital home until the divorce is finalised

You will need to consult a solicitor or better the CAB or local law centre to apply to the County Court for some sort of restraining order.

This will be for unreasonabkle behaviour until the divorce settlement.

You do not have to put up with this emotional torture of him swagging another woman in tow in your own home

If he wants to live with her then they can rent somewhere else

Are kids involved in the family home??

[ruthie59]

Re: Husband playing mind games

Hi and thanks for your prompt reply,

I have a very good solicitor and have e-mailed her about the latest developments this morning, so hopefully she will get back to me on Monday. I was thinking that some sort of restraining order would be the next step to take but he appears to be so normal in other company that I wonder how convincing he would be in court (assuming he would be required to attend).

I've nearly been this far before but haven't had the courage to go any further but I think that I have no choice now, otherwise I will do something I may regret later.

The children are all grown up (youngest is 31).

Thank you for listening. It's much appreciated.

Ruthie

[PAWS]

Re: Husband playing mind games

Hello Ruthie.
Well it doesn’t matter if he turns up bedecked in halos and angel wings, His unreasonable behaviour is a matter of fact. He has brought his girlfriend into your home and that is out of order.
Now I don’t know a lot about your legal position however I will say that this cr*p time will end. You are about to start the rest of your life and you will be at the steering wheel.
It is a wonderful world and despite your bad experience (and what the gutter press would have us believe) it is full of incredible people. Divorce, as you know is horrible and his behaviour is making it even worse but this will not kill you, it will make you stronger. On Monday your solicitor will get the ball rolling and nip this unacceptable behaviour in the bud but it may still be difficult until you finally get a place of your own. So….until you can finally tell him where to shove his phone ….start planning the rest of your life. Start planning where you are going to live and most importantly, how you will live. Will you take up a hobby you had to ditch when the whole cycle of wifing/ mothering/ housekeeping took over every minute? Drama group? Fancy getting a degree? Get some woman power music going. ‘These boots are made for walking’ is a good one to start the day and lots of Aretha R.E.S.P.E.C.T Franklin. Don’t forget the new haircut.
Ah, it is brilliant to shrug off the cobwebs and get back into the world and this world needs Ruthies!

[MissFM]

Re: Husband playing mind games

Hi Ruthie and a massive :hug:,

Absolutely agree with Judge & Paws - this is domestic violence, even if it's not physical. I don't know what the correct legal instrument would be to get them both out but am extremely glad you have a good solicitor, who no doubt will find a way if there is one.

Am just posting to add my support, FWIW, and to say that you should have absolutely no compunction at all about using the full force of the law to protect yourself in this instance, whatever it takes.

I'd be looking at getting them both out, forthwith, changing the locks, etc. - even if you had to wait until they went out to do that - and a NMO or similar injunction to keep them both away.

Do you have anyone who could stay over with you? One of your children, perhaps, or a resolute friend?

You have us all here for you, too:grouphug: Courage my friend! xxxxx