Pre-arranged funeral

[fairy dust 49]

Hi I desperately need help and advice , my dad passed away last Wednesday at home with me by his side .He was ill for some time and spent many weeks in hospital and while he was there he asked me to pre-arrange his funeral ,which I did and it was paid for in full with cash and card .
I informed the family members of my dads passing and thought all was well until the following day I received a call from the coroner telling me that there was to be a post mortem as my brother and sister did not believe dad had died of natural causes .The post mortem was conducted on Monday and yesterday the coroner telephoned me with the results that my dad passed away due to bronchial pneumonia and copd .
I informed the funeral parlour of the findings and it was ok to start the arrangements for dads funeral , but now my sister and brother are putting the blocks on the funeral by saying I have not got their permission to arrange it and it is up to them even though they never bothered with my dad ,I was and still am his next of kin and was also his full time carer .My brother and sister have also told the funeral parlour involved that if they also go ahead with the funeral they are going to sue them and my self .
Doe`s any one know if they can do this as mentioned before my dad wanted a pre-arranged funeral which he paid for .

[Amethyst]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

I'm sorry to hear of your Dad's passing - last thing families need at this time is to be fighting. Are you able to discuss with them what your Dad wanted and arranged before he died ? Maybe they want to be involved and feel left out - could they arrange the do afterwards or flowers or something ? Did your Dad leave a Will do you know?

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Thank you for reply Amethyst ,yes they knew about the pre-arranged funeral when it was pre arranged .we have not got on for some time .Our mum passed away on April 3rd good Friday this year and they did not inform me of her funeral hence I could not even send any flowers .I am not stopping them from attending dads funeral and as mentioned it is all ready arranged so it is just getting a date for the service and cremation ,so we only have to get our flowers .I can`t understand why they want to stop it going ahead he is their dad also what are they going to benefit from leaving him in the funeral parlour ..

- - - Updated - - -

No dad did not leave a will he told every one it was going to probate ,I have all ready informed his bank of his passing but I am still waiting on the death certificate .

[MissFM]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Hi Fairy Dust,

I'm also sorry for your loss and for how extra difficult the behaviour of your family must make this for you.

Just in purely practical terms, I'd've thought if your father both pre-arranged his funeral and paid for it himself it would be both disrespectful and wasteful to go against his wishes.

Perhaps you could write to them to try to calm things down, if you're up to it. The great thing about letters is that you can put a point of view without being shouted down or an argument developing.

I can't understand why they're trying to prevent it, either, except that people can behave most oddly when grieving - especially if there is guilt there in the mix, as there all too often is.

Very best wishes xx

[des8]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Sorry to hear of your loss and subsequent problems.

Are your siblings for real?
If there is a will, the executor arranges the funeral.
If intestate the person most likely to be administrator arranges the funeral
The cost of the funeral comes out of the deceased's estate.

The funeral was prebooked and paid for.
Presumably your father paid for it.

Are they really wanting to oppose your father's wishes?
If they move the funeral arrangements to another director they are likely to lose the money already paid.

If you continue with the funeral, what are they going to claim in court?
What are their losses?

Personally I would ignore them (your relationship seem to have broken down already) and follow your fathers wishes.

As your father died intestate, think about applying for letters of administration quickly.

[des8]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

When your mother passed away, you say you were not informed about her funeral.
As you were presumably with your father at that time, was he informed?
Were your mother and father married or in a civil partnership at the time of her death?

Regarding your father's funeral arrangements, are they for burial or cremation?
Are your siblings disputing the method of disposal of your father's body or ashes?

These would appear to be the only grounds for disputing the arrangements already made, and your siblings could apply for an injunction to stop the existing arrangements going ahead.
However they may not be successful, and I still cannot see on what grounds they could sue for damages.

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Thank you Des8 for your advise ,in relation to my mums passing and funeral no dad was not told as they were divorced some 20 years ago and my dad was still in hospital at the time of her funeral.My dad is down for cremation as that what his wishes were .His funeral plan was made in early July and yes it was all paid for by my dad. You seem to have the same idea as me that my family are doing this to me just over who receives the ashes .The funeral parlour have informed me the ashes are to come to me as I am now their client now dad is not here and also I was down as his next of kin.

[des8]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

"Next of Kin" is basically a meaningless phrase in this situation.
Unfortunately the wishes of a deceased person have no force. The decisions lie with either the executors, or if intestate with the administrators.
However there is a High Court case where it was held the wishes of the deceased should not be ignored.


The administrator is most likely to be either you and/or your siblings.

If your siblings want to stop the cremation they must act fast to obtain the injunction.
After the service will be too late.

The form (cremation1) applying for cremation asks if near relatives have been advised of the application and if they have objected.
The form requires a statement of truth.
I wonder who completed the form, and when.

The person who receives the ashes is the client of the funeral directors.

No one owns the ashes, but the right to possess the ashes probably sits with the administrator or the person who arranged the cremation.
Interestingly as there is no property in a body (it cannot be "owned by another in life" and therefore neither in death) one cannot be accused of theft of the ashes, but can be accused of theft of the container in which thy are kept!

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Thank you Des8 ,since my dad was in Hospital at the time his funeral arrangements were made I was made the funeral client as it was me who made the arrangements with my dads wishes .I have statements in the house were my dad said he did not want contact with my brother and sister and these statements have been signed and witnessed by my dads carers and district nurse oh not not forgetting his social worker and the police when we had to call them out because my brother was banging hell out of my front room window.The police on the 999 call heard all the that was going on and sent 2 police cars with lights and sirens on and they told my brother to move away ...

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

It has just been brought to my attention why my brother and sister are delaying my dads funeral ,reason is the so called brother and son of dad is going on holiday next week and also they want the funeral to take place at the end of October ,can they delay his funeral for that reason ?????

[MissFM]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

It seems to me unreasonable to delay the funeral for a month without a very good reason indeed.

Perhaps you could hold the funeral as planned and suggest that your brother arranges a memorial service when its convenient for him & your other siblings? x

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Have got the funeral parlour working on the situation ,they agree with your comment that is very unreasonable reason to delay .Hopefully I will get the go ahead even if the family members involved don`t agree and if they go on holiday that is their problem ,my main concern is laying my dad to rest in peace .

[fairy dust 49]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

Have tried all morning phoning different solicitors to get help over my dads funeral ,but no joy .My brother and sister are still putting the halt on my dads funeral ,so now I don`t know were to turn to .

[Amethyst]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

How are your brother and sister putting the halt on the funeral ? Have they taken any action at all ?

[stevemLS]

Re: Pre-arranged funeral

We delayed my aunt's funeral by a week because my brother and his family were on a holiday that had been booked for some time so that in itself isn't, in my view, unreasonable.

The rest of it sounds like it is, though - I would take a "put up or shut up" approach and make the arrangements for it to go ahead. If they actually take any action, cross that bridge when it comes.