Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

[ZaraAusten]

Hello

I am aware some may think my story is absolute lies but I can assure you its not, I have just come on here in the aim of gaining some advice regarding this situation. I also acknowledge that people may feel like I purposefully got pregnant which was not the case at all so I feel the need to explain myself some what regarding that.

I have a one month old daughter with a football player from a premier league team, I won't mention names or teams as I am not interested in drama I am just interested in my daughter and getting advice so I can get support for her. We were never in a relationship but we were sleeping with each other, going out and talking so I would class it as seeing each other, only very briefly however. We didn't use contraception when we had sex, he never asked if I was on the pill but I always made sure he pulled out, not that that's any excuse at all and I am not passing blame.

When I found out I was pregnant I was 14 weeks gone already. I told him straight away and he asked what I was going to do. I said that I didn't know and he told me to let him know when I knew. I told him a week later that I can't abort the baby (due to having a scan and seeing my little baby and the doctor telling me graphically about the abortion procedure that would be offered at this late stage) He just said "ok" and didn't question or argue with me not having the abortion but he said little else. I messaged him a few weeks later regarding my 20 week scan and asked if he wanted to come with me and he basically just told me just because he is letting me keep his baby doesn't mean he wants to play a part in its life. I messaged him after my 20 week scan hoping he would come round and told him that I was having a girl and that I would love for him to be a part of her life if he re thought his decision. Ultimately he blocked my number from contacting him. I read on social media a few days later that he had a girlfriend (who he was not with when I fell pregnant, but I assume she does not know that I have a child with him)

He knows the baby is born as he had a friend contact me to ask how she was, I asked him if he planned to contact me and he said no and that he just wanted to know she was ok (she was born premature)

I am not after massive amounts of child support so I can live work free or anything like that at all. I work full time (but I am on maternity leave currently) I am 21 and I am still an apprentice so do not get a massive wage. I do get child benefit and some tax credits but not an awful lot. I live on my own, I did live in shared but when I fell pregnant I had to find a 2 bedroom flat. I spent a lot of money on deposit/furniture as well as baby things and went well in to my over draft and had to take out loans. In addition my landlord does not accept housing benefit, I could not find one that did, I had 3 months to be out of my old property and no family to help me so had no option but to move in. I can afford the rent/bills but before I was getting working/child tax I couldn't and got in to further debt trying to cover the bills whilst pregnant. I can scrape by now but I have no spare money at all to even buy baby clothes with.

I would honestly be content with £30 a week from him, I just need him to take financial responsibility for his daughter. Of course I would love him to see her but it doesn't seem he wants to, regardless I still feel I need and deserve help financially. He roughly earns £10,000 a week, I would not care if he earned £200 a week, I would expect the same amount of financial help. All I want is a contribution that will allow me to buy my daughter clothes with out me having to not eat just so she can wear the next size up clothes!

I haven't phoned child support agency up yet. But I have been reading online, I have read that incomes over a certain amount (which his is) can not be taken through the agency and will need to be taken to court. This obviously is a concern as I do not have any money at all for legal fees etc and I don't even know where I would begin with this.

[Kati]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

Hi Zara, welcome to LB
Don't worry, you'll find us a friendly bunch here and we won't judge you or your decisions!!

Firstly, do you think that the father might be willing to come to a 'family based' maintenance agreement (where you decide between yourselves a fair 'price' without the need for courts etc... - https://www.gov.uk/arranging-child-maintenance-yourself

If not, your best bet is to talk to Child maintenance Options (http://www.cmoptions.org) who are your first point of call before you can apply to the Child Maintenamce Service (which is taking over from the CSA). CMS is a chargeable service, so it is better if at all possible to either come to an agreement yourselves or use the CMO

K xx

[SPQR]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

I agree with Kati.

Child Maintenance Options should be your first point of call (https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance/overview). There is an application fee of £20.

You can use Child Maintenance Options even though the footballer's income is higher than the maximum threshold they assess. What they would do is assess his earnings at their maximum limit. This would be mean that he would have to pay maintenance of £294 per week. You would only have to go to court if you wanted him to pay more than this.

[PAWS]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

Hello Zara
Can I begin by saying this chap does not know how lucky he is! He should be down on his well messaged knees thanking god you are such a fair and dignified person. You have not run to sell your story, you have not clobbered him with legal demands and you have not splashed this all over the social sites.
As Kati said above we do not judge anyone on here (–if they did I would be getting my metaphorical coat!!) and there are some pretty smart beagles on here who may be able to help. Now I haven’t got a clue what your next move would be when it comes to legal or mediatory moves but can I just say this;
Yes, a man should have just as much right to decide when he becomes a father as a woman has to decide when she becomes a mother however it is not as if you are asking for the earth here. It is definitely worth trying to get him to volunteer some form of support instead of going in all guns blazing but £30 a week? F that! I know you may be able to scrabble together a living yourself and naturally you want to be fair but you would be struggling especially in the years to come. Try the sites Kati recommended and remember you are never alone.:grouphug:

[Kati]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

As Kati said above we do not judge anyone on here (–if they did I would be getting my metaphorical coat!!) and there are some pretty smart beagles on here who may be able to help.

If they did I'd be putting on my 'admin' hat :lol:

[pmduk]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

One thing to remember is that as a professional football player his earnings may be variable. Hopefully Baby will receive sufficient support from him, but his circumstances may change through injury or a downturn in his career so be aware this may happen. Additionally he may demand a DNA test this is common for people in the public eye, so don't take it as a personal slight - the results will protect all three of you. I wish you all the best.

[nemesis45]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

One thing to remember is that as a professional football player his earnings may be variable. Hopefully Baby will receive sufficient support from him, but his circumstances may change through injury or a downturn in his career so be aware this may happen. Additionally he may demand a DNA test this is common for people in the public eye, so don't take it as a personal slight - the results will protect all three of you. I wish you all the best.

You are certainly a very generous young lady and should I think be treated at least as fairly as you have treated the father.

I do feel that for babe 's sake you should put " maintenance " on a formal basis.

Having a close family member who has been in similar circumstances, a DNA test " cleared the air" and secured a child's future.

nem

[leclerc]

Re: Baby's father is a football player, do I have to go through court?

The OP has not logged in since June 2015......so I'd say nothing to see here at the minute.........