After some family law advice please!

[Mumof331]

Hi. I have 2 sons aged 10 and 8 from a previous relationship. Following our original split almost 7 years ago they did see their biological father, occasionally overnight in the beginning but more commonly a few hours every few weeks in the evening. This was usually after I'd begged and pleaded , and provided dinner so he didn't have to cook for them. The contact dwindled until he would go months making excuses without seeing them. In 2011 he rang and said he was leaving town and moving away , he didn't speak to the boys themselves , and I over the years have made excuses for him. Within the past few years there have been a few occasions where they've asked for more information and i decided they were of appropriate ages for me to be able to say that he just wasn't ready to be a parent, and I couldn't force him to stay. I got with my current partner 6 years ago and we now have a daughter together. He also has 3 children from a previous relationship that live with their mother. We are not married , but plan to in the near future. My boys asked a few years back if they could change their surname to their stepdads name, and be the same as their sister and step brothers, and start calling him dad. Iv explained that I wouldn't really know where to start.. My other worry is not noing the whereabouts of their biological father, or his mental state, he never was very stable in any case. I would like something in place to state that they live with me and that they don't have contact with their dad. Does such a thing exsist? My partner is also looking to gain parental responsibility. Iv heard removing parental responsibility of an absent father is almost impossible?! I just need something in place , for my own piece of mind and for their safety. As for the name change, that was there choice, and I concider them old enough now to go along with their wishes. Iv told them they'd need to keep their original surname also as they maybregret not doing so. Just to add, they have no contact what so ever with their dads family, his family have never attempted to contact me with regards to the children. Even when we were together. They met briefly when the youngest was a few months old. Their dad and his family all know my address, and could contact me at any point. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Where do I go from here?? Thanks in advance .

[Kati]

Re: After some family law advice please!

this might be of some use to you - http://www.ukdp.co.uk/parental-respo...and-and-wales/

Absent fathers holding parental responsibility

In order to change the name of a child with official record holders such as the Identity and Passport Office all holders of parental responsibility must agree to the name change. If a mother wishes to change her child's name but cannot gain the consent of their father who holds parental responsibility because his whereabouts is unknown she must obtain a court order.
This involves submitting an application to the courts who will then decide if it is in the best interests of the child to undergo a change of name. A change of forename is usually a fairly straightforward process but if a mother is attempting to change her child's surname from that of the father to something else, it may be more difficult. The courts will have to agree that disassociating from their birth name will not be damaging to the child.

and this - http://www.ukdp.co.uk/child-name-change-court-order/

Absent fathers holding parental responsibility

When a child's father is absent and holds parental responsibility, problems naturally arise when trying to gain his consent for a name change. In this situation, it may be possible for a mother to change her child's name by Deed Poll without the fathers consent or a court order.
The whereabouts of the father must be unknown and the child's mother must have taken sufficient steps to contact him before making an application for a name change. When you receive your child's Deed Poll document and start sending it of to the relevant organisations, you will need to enclose a covering letter giving details of your situation. This should explain your attempts to contact the child's father, how long he has been absent for and how he is no longer a part of your child's life. It should also mention that no financial contributions are made to the child's upbringing and other details of a general lack of involvement.
Please note that in this situation, where consent has not been obtained, there is a high chance that not all official record holders such as the Identity and Passport Service will accept the name change. For this reason, we advise that you attempt to obtain a court order when changing the name of a child with whom an absent father is involved.
The only way to ensure that the name change will be accepted is by obtaining a court order. If the father has been absent for several years you shouldn't have any difficulty obtaining a court order giving you permission to change your child's name without the father with parental responsibility giving his consent. Please read the section below for information on how to apply to the courts.

Considerations when granting a Court Order

Whether or not a court order is obtained will depend on a variety of factors. However, as in all other disputes relating to children, the court has always had regard to the welfare of the child involved as its paramount consideration.


Contact between father and child

The amount of contact that the father has with the child will be a primary factor in deciding whether or not a court order is granted. If a father maintains regular contact, for example meets up with his son/daughter weekly and acknowledges birthdays etc. it will be far more difficult to convince the court that it is in the child' best interests to remove his surname.
However, in the case of an absent father the outcome would often be different. A father can be considered absent if he no longer plays any part in the child's life. This could mean that he has not been in contact for several years - no visits, birthday or Christmas cards, or recognition of any kind. In such a situation it is far easier to convince a court that with no contact from the father for such a long period of time, it would be in the child's best interests to dissociate from him altogether. Court orders allowing a change of name are then obtained relatively easily.

The child's opinion and age

It has been observed that the exercise of parental responsibility is limited when children reach an age at which they have sufficient understanding to make decisions about their own future. Such is the case that if a child of fourteen or fifteen years of age, felt strongly about the decision of a name change, their views would hold substantial weight in a court of law. Since the primary concern throughout would be the best interests of the child, if she or he was capable of expressing his or her own views they must be taken into account.
While the courts have not identified a specific age at which children are considered adequately mature, it follows that the older the child, the greater the weight that will be attached to their opinions. Therefore, if an older child rejects the idea of having their surname changed from that of their father, it is unadvisable to attempt to get a court order. In such a case the court will invariably question a mother's motive for the name change.

Good luck xx