Please help me. - my son is suffering.

[Lennon]

I will try to keep a long story short.

My son was born from an affair (yes I get it but stuff happens)

I have never had PR not on the birth certificate and my wife at the time made me leave the area and basically abandon him ( i know stupid but i was young and trying to save my family). She wouldn't let me see him I had to sneak up north to see him on occasions.

Basically the child was removed from mom for various things and Grandma in 2012 was given a residence order for all 3 kids (3 different dads) now I have been involved in his life for 2 years stong over nights and all. the mother and I have a good relationship (as friends) and she is good friends with my partner. She has put me on the Birthcertificate so now I have PR! He is 7 btw.

Well the day I got PR my mother (she is so vindictive) called Social and basically said i was a flight risk and made all sorts of allegations against me and my partner. All untrue and the police have warned her to stop.

But the day I got PR was the Day my contact stopped and I got a nasty msg from grandma saying "take me to court".

So i tried mediation as by law I have to.... She didn't show up so now I can take her to court.

The problem is in the meantime my ex wife and mother have "bonded" since our divorce and her kids *who aren't mine* are hanging around my son even spending nights together (there is a lot of anger there and im worried) he is being forced to believe these people are his brothers and family they are not.

My mother attempted suicide recently and SS don't see this as a danger she put all over facebook "she did it in the name of my son because I am trying to ruin his life" She is a nutjob.

Me and the mom have agreed he shouldn't be spending time with my ex wife, her kids or my mom... butthe grandmother with an RO sees no issue and won't stop him from seeing his "brothers and family" she had no problem stopping it when I was playing her game but when I got PR she changed.

Question is we have been told as she has PR she gets one more percent as she has the RO so its a 33 33 34% split. Now surely if mom and I agree its 66 v 34? Can anyone help?

I am currently going to apply to the courts for a contact order (all though there is one in place for the mom and granny breaks it so I don't have much hope) and one to stop my mom from seeing him unless supervised and NO overnights with my ex wife.

can anyone shed some light am i correct about anything any advice?

thanks for reading.

[Lennon]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

anyone?

[Kati]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

Hi Lennon, I'm sorry this was missed ... I'm not sure how much help I can be, but I've found a few links that you might want to read through:

• http://www.familylives.org.uk/advice...sidence-order/
• https://www.gov.uk/looking-after-chi...of-court-order
• https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&rc...84349003,d.d24
• http://www.cab.org.je/index.php?opti...=89&Itemid=107

K xx

[leclerc]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

anyone?

I am confused on the whole thing so for clarify, and in line with the Children's Act 1989 let's put the child's view into the equation and can you retell the story with this in mind.

You= father
Mother= child's mother
Your mother= paternal grandmother or GM for short
Ex-wife= the same
Child's mother's mother= Maternal grandmother

I think the story is confusing at the moment. If you go to court for a contact order and is granted by the court then whoever has residential order must comply with that. Failure to do so might be disastrous. Have you considered applying for a residential order yourself on the basis that you are in a stable relationship, clearly have had contact with the child and that you are the biological father. Historical nonsense ie you abandoned your child is interesting to note but you were young and stupid, etc etc,.

The Children's Act 1989 is very much child centred so let's hear the story again but put it in terms of words that we both understand. I hope that makes sense?

Your mother does have rights under the Children's Act 1989 to apply for contact with her grandson as well.

[Lennon]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

I am confused on the whole thing so for clarify, and in line with the Children's Act 1989 let's put the child's view into the equation and can you retell the story with this in mind.

You= father
Mother= child's mother
Your mother= paternal grandmother or GM for short
Ex-wife= the same
Child's mother's mother= Maternal grandmother

I think the story is confusing at the moment. If you go to court for a contact order and is granted by the court then whoever has residential order must comply with that. Failure to do so might be disastrous. Have you considered applying for a residential order yourself on the basis that you are in a stable relationship, clearly have had contact with the child and that you are the biological father. Historical nonsense ie you abandoned your child is interesting to note but you were young and stupid, etc etc,.

The Children's Act 1989 is very much child centred so let's hear the story again but put it in terms of words that we both understand. I hope that makes sense?

Your mother does have rights under the Children's Act 1989 to apply for contact with her grandson as well.

Thank you let me try again:

My child was born from an Affair, My wife at the time made me move and told me to leave the child behind. I was young and fighting for my marriage.... I have seen him previous a few times but when I separated from my wife 2 years ago I began a BIG time rebond and I am involved in his life.

The child was removed from his mom for various things ( I don't know story as I didn't have PR until 2014) and Maternal Grandma in 2012 was given a residence order for all 3 kids (3 different dads) now I have been involved in his life for 2 years strong over nights and all. the mother and I have a good relationship (as friends) and she is good friends with my partner. She has put me on the Birth certificate so now I have PR! The child is 7 years old.

Well the day I got PR GM(my mom) called Social and basically said i was a flight risk and made all sorts of allegations against me and my partner. All untrue and the police have warned her to stop. But the day I got PR was the Day my contact stopped and I got a nasty msg from Maternal grandma saying "take me to court to see your son".

So i tried mediation as by law I have to.... She didn't show up so now I can take her to court.

The problem is in the meantime my ex wife and GM have "bonded" since our divorce and her kids *who aren't mine* are hanging around my son even spending nights together (there is a lot of anger there and im worried) he is being forced to believe these people are his brothers and family they are not. The GM attempted suicide recently and SS don't see this as a danger she put all over facebook "she did it in the name of my son because I am trying to ruin his life"

Me and the childs mom have agreed he shouldn't be spending time with my ex wife, her kids or GM... but the Maternal grandma with an RO sees no issue and won't stop him from seeing his "brothers and family" she had no problem stopping it when I was playing her game but when I got PR she changed.

Question is we have been told since Maternal Grandma has PR she gets one more percent as she has the RO so its a 33 33 34% split. Now surely if childs mom and I agree its 66 v 34? Can anyone help?

I am currently going to apply to the courts for a contact order (all though there is one in place for the childs mom and Maternal grandma breaks it so I don't have much hope) and one to stop GM from seeing him unless supervised and NO overnights with my ex wife.If SocialSservices can't see an issue maybe a judge will.

I will be going for full RO of my son but hoping for contact. My son has been made afraid of me through his grandparents but wants to see me. However its hard as the adults rule his world.

can anyone shed some light am i correct about anything any advice?

[leclerc]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

I think I have got it. Ok, Your mother has the right of contact with the children. I think you should point out to the Maternal GM that your son is being told that the children of your wife are his brothers and sisters when they are not even related by blood to them albeit I would probably not be doing this at the moment but I would, if you have not already, note this down as a concern you have for his well being.

If you have PR then I am not sure on this percentage issue. The Grandmother got a Residence Order in 2012, can I ask if you opposed it or sought a Residence Order yourself?

Furthermore, do you live far away from the GM in view of your potential to get an RO in the future?

Does your partner support you in your efforts for a RO?

You need to distance yourself from your mother if you are going to look for an RO and I might add that I would not oppose contact with your mother although I agree with you 100% that it should be initially supervised with only family and the ex-wife and her kids are NOT family.

The final point I want to make in relation to you is a simple one and it relates to the law. It might help answering your question but the percentages you talk about above is not the issue because the law is about what is in the interests of the child.

If you apply for a residence order or are looking at it then please read the following article:
http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed54992

Best to be prepared than otherwise

[Lennon]

Re: Please help me. - my son is suffering.

I think I have got it. Ok, Your mother has the right of contact with the children.
My mother doesn't have legal right of contact but the Maternal GM is working with her to stop me from seeing my son. They were all fine with me seeing him until I got PR this year (I was not on the Birth certificate until nov 2014)
I think you should point out to the Maternal GM that your son is being told that the children of your wife are his brothers and sisters when they are not even related by blood to them albeit I would probably not be doing this at the moment but I would, if you have not already, note this down as a concern you have for his well beinges I have pointed this out to social services safeguarding team who are involved because the Kids mother has complained that teh MaternalGM is emotionally abusing the kids. SS don't see my issue and they can't force the situation to change sadly. They are just being spitful because of me.... because my wife left me and is trying to make my life hard.

If you have PR then I am not sure on this percentage issue. The Grandmother got a Residence Order in 2012, can I ask if you opposed it or sought a Residence Order yourselfI didn't get asked on this at all because I didn't have PR until 2014 sadly. And I am going to go to court for a RO.. but last time someone tried this the judge said they don't want to pull apart the kids. I will try though. The Kids mum has a court date coming up shes trying for her kids back I doubt she will win.

Furthermore, do you live far away from the GM in view of your potential to get an RO in the futurhe I moved from Wales to MAnchester where my son and his GM live to actually be closer and form a bond. They have told my son I will kidnap him and apprently he is scared of me. However when ever I see him he just misses me

Does your partner support you in your efforts for a RO?Fully without her im not sure I could do this.

You need to distance yourself from your mother if you are going to look for an RO and I might add that I would not oppose contact with your mother although I agree with you 100% that it should be initially supervised with only family and the ex-wife and her kids are NOT familwiAgree My mother hasn't spoken to me since the divorce 2 years ago she always wanted me to see my son but now she is mad that my new partner has given me freedom and allowed me to make a bond with my son which my exwife never allowed. My mother has tried to call SS on us and police many times so much so the police actually issued her a warning.. I can not stress how evil she is. She even tried suicide put it on fb and said "This is all for my grandson... and the people who are trying to rip him from me" -- drama much!

The final point I want to make in relation to you is a simple one and it relates to the law. It might help answering your question but the percentages you talk about above is not the issue because the law is about what is in the interests of the child.

If you apply for a residence order or are looking at it then please read the following article:
http://www.familylawweek.co.uk/site.aspx?i=ed54992

Best to be prepared than otherwise

Thank you!!!