Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

[Katie72]

Hi
My ex husband moved to a city 25 miles away after we split up.
2 years ago he asked if I would put our children on the bus in our home town and he would meet the off the bus at the other end. My daughter was then 13 and my son was 10. I agreed providing he met them and text me to let me know whenever got to him. I did it so as to maintain contact as at the time he didn't have a car.
He now has a car and insists on the kids catching the bus to him - he never meets them now and never lets me know they have arrived safe, fortunately I've made sure both kids have mobile phones so they let me know. He will then drive them home at the end of contact / weekend.
My kids are now 15 and 12, my daughter often says that she doesn't want to go but the ex insists she has to go to get our son over there. If she wanted to stay at home one weekend he will be awkward and refuse to come and pick our son up.
My son idealises his dad and has started to get upset when returning from contact as he feels he hasn't spent enough time with his dad. His dad has said he can go over to him more frequently but he will have to catch the bus on his own and he will meet him at the other end. I still feel he is too young for this and am not comfortable at all.
The bus journey take 1.5 hours, and stops at many villages on the way.

Are re there any legal implications here? I would appreciate any advice also.

Thanks
kate

[leclerc]

Re: Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

Is there a legal contact agreement in place?

[MissFM]

Re: Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

Hi Katie

What a shame - I'm so sorry - poor little lad. Can his Dad not see that it would only be for another year or so, if that?

12 year olds vary so much in maturity. How does your son feel about the bus journey on his own?

Why doesn't your daughter want to go, as a matter of interest?

Would it change things if he went for longer periods, maybe less frequently (I know it's difficult with school) but would his father be willing to pick him up in that event? Or could you, say, go some of the way on the bus with him and meet his Dad there? (I'm assuming you don't have a car)

[Ruby]

Re: Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

I would not be comfortable puting my 13 year old son on a 1.5 hour bus journey on his own. Being a parent means we need to put the needs of our children first which very often means 'going that extra mile' for them. Perhaps your ex should be reminded of that.

[Katie72]

Re: Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

Thanks all

my son would be happy to go on the bus maybe I'm just being overprotective.
The ex moved away from the town we live in so I have always thought that it is down to him to make arrangements to pick the children up? My daughter is just at an age where she wants to spend time with her friends and she hasn't got any where her dad lives. I do have a car but work full time and I'm always at work when the kids go to their dads.
thanks again for your replies
kate

[Katie72]

Re: Ex wants 12 year old to use public transport for contact!

Thanks everyone.
Unfortunately things have escalated slightly.
On New Year's Eve his dad dropped him off and in typical form for him started crying, and my son saw. He came in very upset. Since then he has decided he wants to go and live with his dad because he misses him so much. What my son doesn't know is that the marriage me and his father had contained a lot of domestic violence - fortunately - my son was to young to hear/see anything. My 2 older daughters from a previous relationship also suffered not physically mainly emotional. From what my younger daughter has said he has started this with her also and that is another reason she doesn't want to go. There has never been a court order in place, I stupidly thought the contact was for the best. I don't wNt my son living with him as I know what he is capable of. How do I stop this without telling my son. He is saying I'm not thinking what is best for him etc.