Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

[GOLDENBABE1966]

Hope I have post in the right section
Before my father in law died my husband he gave my husband £3000 to help him with our business, nothing was ever said about repayment.Nothing was ever written on paper On the day he died my husband said to his mother I never had the chance to give him the money back , in which she replied he never wanted it back it was a gift to help you setup your business
We have fallen out with his mother ( over nothing may I add ) well she fell out with us over a silly joke about petrol and she blew it of perportion
She is demanding we repay her the money ,Over 2 years she has sent us horrible letters , telling my husband to rot in hell , and he is no son of hers , and I hope he drowns in our swimming pool we bought( its actually a paddle in pool we bought for our grandson ) and she hopes our business fails and she will blacken our business's name , We never replied to them.
Now she has sent a letter ( be recorded delivery ),saying she as sort legal advice saying if we don't pay her the money she as requested in several letters she sent us ( the nasty ones ) she will take us to the small claims court
I need to reply but I don't know how to , please help don't know what to do now
Thank You
sorry its a bit long winded , this is the shorted version . Also very sorry about the spelling and grammar

[des8]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Hi
Sorry to hear about the family fall out.
Regarding the gift, was there anything at all in writing? was it in cash or cheque?
Did your father in law leave a will, and if so has his estate been finalised.
Were there beneficiaries other than your mother in law?
Who was the executor?

I would suggest a conciliatory letter trying to heal the breach, but at the same time confirm the money was a gift.
As your husband implied he was wanting to repay the money, would it not be possible to do so to help restore the family?

If she was to proceed to court she will have to prove the money was a loan (with nothing in writing that will be difficult), and also that it is due to her and not part of the estate; i.e. she has standing to go to court?

[GOLDENBABE1966]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Hi thank you for replying
No there was nothing in writing and it was paid in cash , My father in law did leave a will half the house is owned by my mother in law and the other half is split between my husbands sister and my husband, so in effect my husband owns a 1/4 of the house my mother in law lives in , it is a will they both made before my father passed.
I am afraid the breach will never be healed , she is a very nasty narcissistic woman , she has already disowned 1 son years ago , all she lives for is her daughter and her daughters family , we didn't have time for her you see because all our family work , where as none of her daughters family work at all :-(
I need to reply asap but like I said I don't know where to start .
I have not even shown my husband the letter yet , I didn't want to ruin his weekend :-( .
thank you

[GOLDENBABE1966]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

At the moment we don't have the funds to pay her back in full which she demands , believe me I would love to.

[ostell]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

If it's got this far and no possibility of reconciliation then I would not reply and just ignore unless other, more official, paperwork comes your way.

[Kati]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Unfortunately I have to agree

[GOLDENBABE1966]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Forgot to mention she sent the letter by recorded delivery , and stupid me signed for it :-( so she knows we received it :tinysmile_cry_t: My husband doesn't need this he's very stressed with work and keeping his business afloat as it is , he had an angina attack only a few months ago . How can a mother be so horrible to her own children .

[des8]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Just because you signed for a letter,doesn't mean you have to acknowledge it.
As Ostell advises, as the breakdown is irretrievable, ignore anything other than official paperwork.

Did the will only deal with the disposal of the house? Did it not detail how the balance of your late father in law's estate was to be distributed?

[Amethyst]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

One point with the signed for letter - she knows you have it - so you do need to discuss it with Hubby - if MIL is on a path of destruction if you don't tell him about the letter, and she calls him and says 'why haven't you replied to the letter' ............ etc - you see what I mean. So hard as it is, you do need to share it with him, to take away any potential power over your relationship

[Amethyst]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Also, if you want us to have a look at the letter, see if it does actually sound like she is serious and HAS sought legal advice, or he's just trying to scare you by sending a letter recorded delivery, then you could email me a copy ( as it's not really going to be appropriate for on the forum) admin@legalbeagles.info

If it is a formal letter before action then yes you should respond, formally, and we will help you with that. It won't heal anything but will assist you if she does go further and actually commence court proceedings.

[enaid]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Just my two pennies worth, if said money was given by a father to his son for what ever reason and it was soley his money to give then imho it has nothing to do with the mother. If she has any claims to the money then ask her to prove it.
Seems very sad that a third sibling is cut off all together although we don't know and have no need to know what went on there.
I agree you should tell your OH, you need to be straight with each other or more problems will arise.
Why not charge her rent for the quarter of the property till its paid off.

[des8]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Why not charge her rent for the quarter of the property till its paid off.

Good idea, but might not be possible as terms of will possibly/probably give surviving spouse licence to live in property rent free to end of their natural.
If your sending Amethyst a copy of the letter, could you include a copy of the will.
IF there is any doubt about whether the money was a gift or a loan, it will depend on the terms of the will who has the right to claim it.

[PAWS]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Good idea, but might not be possible as terms of will possibly/probably give surviving spouse licence to live in property rent free to end of their natural.
If your sending Amethyst a copy of the letter, could you include a copy of the will.
IF there is any doubt about whether the money was a gift or a loan, it will depend on the terms of the will who has the right to claim it.

Oh but it would be lovely to send a preliminary letter by recorded delivery telling her you were investigating this option!!:evil:
I know that sounds pretty evil and would probably slam the door firmly on any hope of reconciliation but I have come across this sort of situation before. Anyone who would do this to their own son is beyond redemption. If worded carefully you could slide in to the grey area between making a legal threat and scaring the bejesus out of her!:eyebrows:

[GOLDENBABE1966]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

Thank you all for your replies , I will be telling my husband today :-( , When he gets home from work , couldn't tell him yesterday (I was working till 11pm ) it wasn't the right time :-( I will send you a copy of the letter and will too ,which I downloaded yesterday from Find a will gov.uk ( DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD )
You really have given me a lot to consider , and put my mind at rest :-)
thank you xxxx

[leclerc]

Re: Mother in law demanding money she gave us as a gift

This may sound an odd question but if the loan was from the ESTATE of the late father in law(not sure I read that bit right), then is the wife the sole beneficiary of the said estate or is she acting for the estate?

Has the estate already been signed off re probate?

If so, then any formal action SHE takes might actually be something she is not allowed to do since the executor has effectively disposed of their duties. The legal advice they may have got might have been simply to ask how to recover a loan when the other person refuses to repay it rather than when the money was loaned from someone who is now deceased.