Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

[Johnboy007]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Isit not fairer to tell a child his mother gave him up for adoption then to use the word ‘abandoned’?

I don't agree.......
Truth has a funny way of catching up on you, from the least expected source.......

[Crazy council]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Isit not fairer to tell a child his mother gave him up for adoption then to use the word ‘abandoned’?

There is no right way, and every way causes pain, there is a fine balance between truth and protection when considering what you tell a happy go lucky child about there past and the people in it. Especially were abandoned realy does meen abandoned....

[PAWS]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

I do believe it is all a question of language. It is the term abandoned that seems to judge the mother's motives. To give a child up for adoption suggests the mother had the baby’s best interest at heart. After all none of us nor the adoptive parents will know why the mother left her child or indeed gave them up for adoption. Perhaps the mother who abandoned her child did not know how adoption works or was afraid of the authorities and really did care what happened to the baby. If the documentation shows both the parents as unknown then this may be because the mother did not want the child to ever be burdened with her identity.
Yes, there are mothers who do discard their children. I have interviewd mothers who only had babies because they would not come off heroin to have an abortion. I also know many, many broken birth mothers including myself who had no choice but to give their children away and the thoughts of anyone telling these children that their mothers ‘abandoned’ them is abhorrent.
I strongly believe that if we use any other word other than abandon it would at least leave the child with some idea that he or she was not simply ‘discarded’.

[Johnboy007]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

So what happens when a child finds out, that they were simply discarded?
Would they think any less of you for not telling them the truth? Perhaps they would.
I still believe the truth is the best solution in the long run.
If a mother has to give her child away for special reasons. Then when the child is old enough to understand, tell him/her the truth.
That yes your mum was a good woman who loved you, but was unable to look after you. Maybe some day you will meet her.
If the mother simply abandoned her baby because she didn't want it. Then you tell it the truth when it is old enough to take this on board.
Just my opinion.
Thank God I've never been in that position regarding a mother, although I have with my biological father.
I never knew details about my biological father until I was in my 60's.
Never met him. Obviously he didn't want to know.
Did it bother me when I found out? NO, absolutely not.
I had a loving Mother and Step Father who saw me through my childhood, and I don't regret never knowing my biological Father.
Well maybe a teeny weeny bit.
More of a curiosity.:tinysmile_grin_t:

[PAWS]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

I had a loving Mother and Step Father who saw me through my childhood, and I don't regret never knowing my biological Father.

Well maybe a teenyweeny bit.

I know what you mean john boy. Because of my own experiences I have been involved with various organisations that help reunite separated parents and children. (I say children but they are always adults but you know what I mean) Now I would say that 90% of these children had to admit that they wanted to meet their biological parents out of curiosity more so than a burning desire to be reunited with a blood relative. The saddest cases are people who need to contact their biological parents because of medical issues but these are thankfully rare.
Unfortunately Hollywood has a lot to answer for! One woman I worked with went to meet her mum for the first time expecting to hear the music in the background and to feel a sudden bond or tingly sensation but had to admit that her very first thought when she first saw her biological mothers face was ‘s**t, I hope I do not inherit that facial hair’. She actually felt guilty because she simply could not ‘bond’ with her birth mother after spending a very long time trying to contact her. To be honest that is the way most feel when they are reunited with their biological parents and then they feel guilty because they do not go through the euphoria that Fictionalised stories demand.
It is different for the parents because they have a real memory of the child. However, I have to tell you that in the majority of cases I have either been involved with or have studied, when the parent traces the child(which is a lot harder than you think despite recent changes in legislation)the result can cause a lot of unpleasantness and heartbreak.
Children are a lot tougher than we think and as a general rule honesty is the best policy but there is no point in using words such as abandoned. I think a child should know they are adopted. Telling them that they were abandoned is adding information that is unnecessary. It is not a questionof honesty, it is a question of tact.

[PAWS]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Just a little update, don’t mean to hijack this post but……This morning the adoption authority contacted me to say my daughter had been in touch and would be interested in contact. It will be a slow process with mediation but I cannot tell you how I feel!

[Kati]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Just a little update, don’t mean to hijack this post but……This morning the adoption authority contacted me to say my daughter had been in touch and would be interested in contact. It will be a slow process with mediation but I cannot tell you how I feel!

Oh wow [MENTION=31453]PAWS[/MENTION] :cheer2::clap2::cheer2::clap2::cheer2: I'm so pleased for you!!! Congratulations hun
It couldn't happen to a nicer person!!!!!
:hug: :grouphug: :_tighthug__by_darkm
K xxx

[PAWS]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Yep, I know it is only 4.00pm but I am having a glass of wine the size of a child’s head.
It will be a slow process as a mediator from Barnardos will filter contact and we may not meet for a while but I know the basics, the country she is living in, her ‘new' first name etc. Her parents have been helping her to trace me and she has had a wonderful relationship with them. Apparently she had been looking for a while. Gosh. I know I have waited 30 years but the next couple of months will be unbearable!!!

[Kati]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Yep, I know it is only 4.00pm but I am having a glass of wine the size of a child’s head.
It will be a slow process as a mediator from Barnardos will filter contact and we may not meet for a while but I know the basics, the country she is living in, her ‘new' first name etc. Her parents have been helping her to trace me and she has had a wonderful relationship with them. Apparently she had been looking for a while. Gosh. I know I have waited 30 years but the next couple of months will be unbearable!!!

I'll raise a glass (cider) with you
I'm so happy for you xx

[PAWS]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Ah, thanks so much. This is going to be the most surreal time of my life. I am scared (well not as scared as I was 30 years ago!) but so, so excited.

[Kati]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Excited-scared is the best sort
xxx

[MissFM]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Oh Paws, what wonderful news! Am so excited for you - massive hugs and celebrations !:_tighthug__by_darkm

You do so deserve a happy resolution :hugxxxxxxxxxxx

[dogtired]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

Great news Paws!
OP, have you ever seen the film "The Memory Keepers Daughter?"
No spoilers for those who haven't seen it but a thought provoking film about a child born with Downs.

[Amethyst]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

[ATTACH=CONFIG]14347[/ATTACH]Just a little update, don’t mean to hijack this post but……This morning the adoption authority contacted me to say my daughter had been in touch and would be interested in contact. It will be a slow process with mediation but I cannot tell you how I feel!

Wow that is really wonderful news for you Paws, I truly hope it all goes well for you.

[leclerc]

Re: Abandoning a newborn in a 'baby hatch' as a foundling

[ATTACH=CONFIG]14347[/ATTACH]Just a little update, don’t mean to hijack this post but……This morning the adoption authority contacted me to say my daughter had been in touch and would be interested in contact. It will be a slow process with mediation but I cannot tell you how I feel!

The only words I can offer you is simple: Good Luck.

I am over the moon for you that perhaps a relationship can be formed and can be established and that perhaps some of the pain that you have gone with may be healed in time.