Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

[leclerc]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

Many thanks Johnboy but the ‘deal’ for me was she can trace me if she wants but I cannot and would never try to trace her. I only wanted to show that a parent, even someone who was only a mother technically for 5 days, knows that you have to put your child first no matter what age they are. – However this is not about me!
I just totally support this lady and understand her worries. A bad grandparent, or indeed parent is not better than none at all. Her sister’s and nephews/ nieces relationship with her mother should not be the template for her parenting. It is sad, it is actually tragic. I am all in favour of extended family however if this lady is already being threatened by her mother before the child is even born; well that speaks volumes.

PAWS, not sure if you are aware that I think that Ireland is changing in regards to adoption laws over there. Having read the book inspired by Philomena Lee I think there are organisations in Ireland that may be able to help tracing your child. I digress from the OP for a good reason.

In terms of attempting a section 8 order under the Children's Act 1989, I think you may well find that location is an issue and that in regards to contact with the mother, taking her/him to events that the OP attends each year is sufficient due to the locality of where they are from. As the child grows older their views will be more important in life but in terms of contact with the grandparents are concerned, personally, I think simply taking the child to social events is sufficient.

I doubt the court would allow for undue hardship on you especially if you live some distance away. I would however, seek legal advice from a solicitor who is a family law accredited solicitor if only for a free 30 minute consultation. If you have legal advice on home insurance/car insurance then by all means call them for advice.

I don't have a view particularly on the right or wrongs of given grandparents access to their grandchildren considering that they will have contact with at least one set of grandparents.

[PAWS]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

Many thanks for your comments Leclerc. I am aware of the different organisations and sources of help available but I do not believe that it would be right for me to make the decision to intrude into her life. I made my decision many years ago and feel it would be unfair to try and force my way back into her life. She does have the right and the facilities to trace me.
You see just like johnboy and his stepdad we need to be clear as to what actually makes a parent. It is the love, support and constant sacrifices over a lifetime; not labour or DNA. The whole nature v nurture debate will rage long after we are gone but I do believe that a parent is the person who brings a child up. OK legally there may be a case but I am talking about maternal morals here.
Now I am probably a grandmother (wow, better get some heavy duty night cream) and the reason I mentioned my situation(and I really do not want to hijack this thread with my ownsituation) was to point out that parenting and indeed grandparenting is about putting the child first. Now if my daughter is happy and has a secure carefree uncomplicated life then I would never disrupt that or cause any anxiety to her or the people who brought her up. I.e. Her parents. I would also never feel I had any right to see what may be my grandchildren and the very thought of making my daughter fret or worry would make me shudder. I would trade ever seeing her again if that meant her life was peaceful and untroubled.


We all want to live as the Waltons did but for some it simply ‘ain’t going to happen’. Now if this lady’s mother is willing to make her fret and worry her before the baby is even born and just when she should be feeling cosseted and safe well, sorry but I think she is an extremely selfish woman.

[EdwardJorgensen]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

I must say that don't make any contacts with your mother, it seems that she had not concerned about you and your sister. So its better that you don't contact with your Mother, you can seek contact only with your grand parents.

[Grotbags]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

Hi,,
Please don't let this situation cast a cloud over your pregnancy and the birth of your child..she can't do anything yet.
And,,IMO,,IF she decides to take you down the legal route for access,,let her,,and fight her every inch of the way. She doesn't think you will,because your sister didn't but you come across as a very determined lady.
Keep all the documentation for the day she tells your child (and the wider family) what an evil witch you were preventing the relationship...you will have it in black and white as to why you did it,,can't argue with facts can she?

[MissFM]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

Just read this thread through and it's heartbreaking. I have to agree completely with Paws, the OP and Grotbags. I also come from a non-Janet-and-John-book family. Nothing - no sentimental view of how families should be and certainly no personal neediness - should get in the way of protecting our children from any kind of perceived harm, whatever the personal cost.

We may not get it right, but every decision must come from unconditional love (as Paws describes so eloquently) however great the pain for ourselves.

It would also break my heart not to see my grandchildren but they are the important ones and I absolutely support Concernedmummy in coming to such a difficult decision.

Selfish parents are a perennial bane. If you want the privilege of having children and seeing grandchildren then you have to (continue to) earn it, not abuse it.

Not wishing to hijack the thread with my own personal history, one relevant aspect is that I never met one set of grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins - which led to romantic speculation, of course. But after my parents died I discovered why and their decision was protective and correct. I'm grateful - in case that's of any help.

Good luck, concernedmummy, and enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood! xx

[Kati]

Re: Parents rights - Grandparent seeking contact order. Advice needed.

Just read this thread through and it's heartbreaking. I have to agree completely with Paws, the OP and Grotbags. I also come from a non-Janet-and-John-book family. Nothing - no sentimental view of how families should be and certainly no personal neediness - should get in the way of protecting our children from any kind of perceived harm, whatever the personal cost.

We may not get it right, but every decision must come from unconditional love (as Paws describes so eloquently) however great the pain for ourselves.

It would also break my heart not to see my grandchildren but they are the important ones and I absolutely support Concernedmummy in coming to such a difficult decision.

Selfish parents are a perennial bane. If you want the privilege of having children and seeing grandchildren then you have to (continue to) earn it, not abuse it.

Not wishing to hijack the thread with my own personal history, one relevant aspect is that I never met one set of grandparents/aunts/uncles/cousins - which led to romantic speculation, of course. But after my parents died I discovered why and their decision was protective and correct. I'm grateful - in case that's of any help.

Good luck, concernedmummy, and enjoy your pregnancy and motherhood! xx

:clap2: Well said xx