Husband adopting son

[lala1209]

Almost 9 years ago I had my son. He was born disabled and from the age of about 2 months old his 'BIO father' left, he has seen him only once 2 weeks after his first birthday. He knows where my family are if ever he has wanted to make contact. Now i have married a lovely man who adores my little boy so much, he has been in his life since his second birthday and has known no other as a father figure. He would like to adopt my son, I cant find his bio father. However We were contacted about 4 years ago by social services to say if his 'bio father' got in touch we MUST contact them as a matter of urgency due to him assaulting a child *no idea what became of it after that phone call*

Basically Ive been told with some law change or another that if my husband wishes to adopt my little boy that WE must inform him that this man is not actually his daddy as he understands it. He is disabled physically and he is very immature for his age and i fear if we were 'pushed' into doing this it would cause him a lot of distress. Is this way correct, is there no other way around this ?

We both would very much like this to happen for our son, he is the light of both our lives and dont want to deal with his 'bio father', he is also on the birth certificate.

Thank you in advance for any information regarding this situation.

[dogtired]

Re: Husband adopting son

Hello ,
My first partner left when my daughter was 18 months old, he also just came back the once.
I remarried when she was eight and went down the same road, it was a little while ago so things may have changed!
I had to adopt my own daughter!
We also had to trace my ex to get his pemission, eventually did via his sister .
Took another ten months to get to family court and we had a social worker that was her advocate.
She did ask about her " real Daddy" but I got around that one by saying that he still loved her but did not love Mummy
anymore.
Her Dad (adopted) gave her away when she married!
I appreciate that your situation is different but would it not be a case of playing things by ear, you know him and what he is able to understand he just needs love and knowing he is secure. xx

[enquirer]

Re: Husband adopting son

This needs specialist advice, so consult a solicitor dealing in family matters, adoption and so forth.

Although the biological father may have vanished for the moment, he may reappear at some point in the future (they often do, usually in response to some dismal mid-life crisis), at which point you will need to be sure that it's all been done correctly.

As an aside, it might be said that if your son's condition is such that telling him about his 'real' father will cause him great distress (that is to say, harm. And the necessarily forcible process of doing so, likewise), than that might be a reason to avoid it, or at least put it off indefinately.

[dogtired]

Re: Husband adopting son

Thank you for replying,
When we first looked into it Iwent to our local CAB who helped a lot but things have changed now .
Hope all goes well for the OP.

[Inca]

Re: Husband adopting son

Because the biological father is named on the Birth Certificate no adoption can go ahead unless he agrees unless he is deceased (being on the BC does give equal parental rights/responsibilities)
It's a very complicated process (and yes,,you will have to adopt your own child,ridiculous as it seems.).
I agree with enquirer..get specialist help.

[lala1209]

Re: Husband adopting son

Thank you everyone <3 I think we will just sit tight for the time being, i dont want it being detrimental to his childhood. Even if solicitors etc found his 'bio father' he would NEVER in a million years allow my husband to adopt him, just out of sheer wickedness.

[Inca]

Re: Husband adopting son

Thank you everyone <3 I think we will just sit tight for the time being, i dont want it being detrimental to his childhood. Even if solicitors etc found his 'bio father' he would NEVER in a million years allow my husband to adopt him, just out of sheer wickedness.

And therein lies the rub hun......of course,I don't think there is anything stopping you plonking your new surname onto the end of your sons name....as long as he (you) don't use it on legal documents. (happy to be prove wrong of course).....and many double/tripled barrelled named people only use the last surname (I should know,,my maiden name was triple,Mum had delusions of granduer,kept her double barrelled maiden name and added my Dads name on the end):tinysmile_twink_t2:

[lala1209]

Son turns 18 soon - bio dad still hasn't shown up and CSA never found him.
We did have to have the unfortunate conversation of revealing all. He was distraught but 4 years later my son and husband are still as close as ever.
And as my son turns 18 next month he has the right to completely change his own name, so he is by deed poll.
The thing is there seems to be so much conflicting information out there, is it enough to deed poll it without a solicitor? I/he doesn't wish to start something to only find out we had gone down the wrong route.
Going to go through the threads to research more for him, however, any help is appreciated.

[atticus]

Have you read this? https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

[dslippy]

You have done the right things. Strictly speaking, a deed poll is not required. The words mean only that it will be a deed signed by one person only, and there is nothing in the deed which cannot be done without a deed. Still, it remains helpful evidence of the change of name. Get the words right, and it will not matter wheher a solicitor has been involved.

[Crazy council]

Hi. I hope you manage this. I wish i would have done this before my oldest was 18 becuase you cant adopt afterwards and you have to make provisions in your will just in case, but we changed her name officially through the solicitors before she started school ( 25 years ago ). I have 3 granddaughters ( so far lol ) from her.

[meggle]

Have you read this? https://www.gov.uk/change-name-deed-poll

I heard of that form of words being rejected as "Not legal Deed of Poll_(sic), you did that yourself."

[atticus]

I see. And from whom did you hear such tripe?

[meggle]

I see. And from whom did you hear such tripe?

A friend who used that form of words. I agree the person who rejected it was talking rubbish but one can't argue against an idiot unencumbered with a knowledge of the facts.