struggling!

[biggs]

hello I'm wondering if anybody can help me.
my daughter is 7 next week me and her mother haven't been together since not long after she was born and for the first 3 years of my daughters life she stayed with me every weekend and every other weekend since except for two separate periods of time when i was stopped from seeing her because i couldn't pay due to being out of work. The first of these was roughly 5 years ago and lasted for 4 months and the second was earlier this year and my access was only reinstated after i could afford to start paying again in both instances despite a solicitors letter stating this was unreasonable and wrong in the most recent case. my daughters school work has suffered and she constantly ties herself in knots trying not to say the wrong thing as she is told to call her mothers partner who she has been with since we split DAD and although i have told my daughter that she will not get into trouble over anything she says when she referrers to him as such whilst with me she feels like she has done something wrong as i said its tying her in knots and heart breaking to watch last week she cried for over an hour because she accidentally told me the they plan to give her his sir name when they get married and she was told she would be in big trouble if she told me about it. I am currently being given access but it has been dropped from Friday evening to Sunday evening to Saturday to Sunday every other weekend and no more and my ex partner is being as awkward as possible as i have no real grounds for any legal challenge whilst getting access, i cant afford to take this to court to sort out popper access without legal aid and i relay don't know what options i have available i am at a complete loss so any help would be greatly appreciated thank you

[Inca]

Re: struggling!

Hi + to LegalBeagles,,sorry to read of your plight,,it's awful when a child is used as a pawn in an adults game ,been there,done that,got the grey hair
Firstly..are you named on the Birth Certificate? If not,,why not?
There's a brilliant website :-www.fnf.org.uk......(families need fathers)
I think,,as your ex is playing head games,you really need to contact a solicitor specialising in Family Law (see if you can get a free half hour) or try the pro bono route
You're going to be fighting for years if you don't get this sorted and it seems your ex is going to put non stop obstacles in your way.
She can't base access on 'payments' and she can't just change the childs name (she can call her what she wants,but she can't legalise it (unless you are NOT on the Birth Certificate)

You need to act and you need to act now,,you need all the help you can get so contact your daughters Dr,school,get Cafcass involved and get the ball rolling (and I'm basing all this as if you ARE the acknowledged Dad of this child on the Birth Certificate)
Many other Beagles are more knowledgeable than me on points of Law etc..I only know what I know having fought (and won) access to my step daughter,,but I'll weigh in and help where I can..
Your daughters happiness depends on what you do..it may not be easy but in years to come she will realise that YOU fought for her.
One bit of advice though.......DO NOT SLATE HER MOTHER...SAY NOTHING EVEN IF YOU WANT TO SCREAM YOUR HEAD OFF,,,DO NOT QUESTION YOUR CHILD AT ALL..IT CAN AND WILL COME BACK AND BITE YOU ON YOUR BUM.
You have to enter any legal proceedings with 'clean hands'.Don't lie,exaggerate or make your version of events different to actual facts that you can prove.
Start keeping a diary of 'events' and 'what is said'

Anytime you want to post on here..feel free..we're a friendly tribe of natives


I have asked for the link to pro bono solicitors to be added on here

barprobono.org.uk................................. ......with thanks to Mike770

[strong123]

Re: struggling!

hello I'm wondering if anybody can help me.
my daughter is 7 next week me and her mother haven't been together since not long after she was born and for the first 3 years of my daughters life she stayed with me every weekend and every other weekend since except for two separate periods of time when i was stopped from seeing her because i couldn't pay due to being out of work. The first of these was roughly 5 years ago and lasted for 4 months and the second was earlier this year and my access was only reinstated after i could afford to start paying again in both instances despite a solicitors letter stating this was unreasonable and wrong in the most recent case. my daughters school work has suffered and she constantly ties herself in knots trying not to say the wrong thing as she is told to call her mothers partner who she has been with since we split DAD and although i have told my daughter that she will not get into trouble over anything she says when she referrers to him as such whilst with me she feels like she has done something wrong as i said its tying her in knots and heart breaking to watch last week she cried for over an hour because she accidentally told me the they plan to give her his sir name when they get married and she was told she would be in big trouble if she told me about it. I am currently being given access but it has been dropped from Friday evening to Sunday evening to Saturday to Sunday every other weekend and no more and my ex partner is being as awkward as possible as i have no real grounds for any legal challenge whilst getting access, i cant afford to take this to court to sort out popper access without legal aid and i relay don't know what options i have available i am at a complete loss so any help would be greatly appreciated thank you

Hi and welcome,

Again, sorry to hear what your going through.

I agree with Inca, you need to get yourself a good family solicitor, your ex games have gone on too long and from what you say it's really affecting your daughter.

As inca said, she cannot legally change your daughters name if you are on the birth certificate. She can however call her what she wants. This happened to my brother, his ex wanted to change his kids name to her name. She couldn't do this legally, so registered at school, docs etc as her name. My bro was furious so changed his name , yes I did say his own name by depole to hers, which infuriated her. His argument, "they are my children, they will have the same name as me"

I don't suggest for one minute you do this tho.

[Inca]

Re: struggling!

After all the aggro re names I have been through over the years I'm not changing mine when I get married in January,,,it's so much easier to stick to the name on my REAL Birth Certificate (have 2..long story(,Dad p***ed when he registered me)..BUT.....it will work in OP's favour if he is named as Father on his girls BC (and that she has been registered with his surname)...I know a certain solicitor (on here) who has drummed in..The Devil is in the detail..

[strong123]

Re: struggling!

After all the aggro re names I have been through over the years I'm not changing mine when I get married in January,,,it's so much easier to stick to the name on my REAL Birth Certificate (have 2..long story(,Dad p***ed when he registered me)..BUT.....it will work in OP's favour if he is named as Father on his girls BC (and that she has been registered with his surname)...I know a certain solicitor (on here) who has drummed in..The Devil is in the detail..

Haha, congratulations for January, not long now!

I'm not without name issues either! Long story short, dad brought me and my bro up, at 18 going on my first holiday to ibiza, I need my birth cirt for passport...after dad messing me about for weeks, he gave it to me (left it fold on worktop in kitchen) name on cirt NOT the name I was known as all my life!! I thought I was adopted! I had to pay a solicitor to have my name changed, I felt ripped off. Hahaha. To top that off my bro had a completely different name on his birth cirt to one on mine.

Turns out, my mum was previously married before meeting my dad so I had her married name, when she got divorced my bro got her maiden name. Why my dad agreed I'll never know.