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Hi Everyone
this is the 1st time I have posted on this forum but I am in a very similar situation as h4yley80, basically I was married for 21 years & never had any children, I separated from my husband in 2011 & luckily my divorce was plain sailing and that was all finalised earlier this year.
Last year in August 2012 I met my current partner who had recently split up from his wife a month earlier July 2012. He had found a 'secret phone' which turned out as evidence that she had been having an affair with his best mate....she left the family home with their 15 year old daughter & set-up with the new bf in a rented house down the street.
My partner was left with 3 boys at the time aged 12,11 & 7.
I came on the scene a month later & as you can well imagine tried not to but over a period of a few months took on the role of 'Mum'.
There was never a structured access from the mother at all she would see them for 1-2 hours a month if it suited her, however they had regular contact with their grandparents (her parents).
Unfortunately the 11 year boy took the split very badly because she actually left the family home on his birthday, likewise I am sure all the children did but he started to get these 'violent outbursts' with no particular trigger factor, obviously my partner & I learned to deal with them and had him referred for counscelling, his mothers reaction to all of this was 'i dont want anything to do with him until his head is sorted'...when his appointment came through to the see the counscellor again her response was 'i hope you are not blaming me'.....anyway I see these people scripted on Jeremy Kyle but I have now had 1st hand experience of it & find it truely unbelieveable.
To cut the story short in February 2013 my partner filed for divorce & had to attend mediation.... the mediator told both parties that the children would need to be asked who they wanted to live with.... my partners wife said she wanted her house back & only the house (its a joint owned home both names on the mortgage which my partner continued to pay in full when she left...she made no contribution)
My partner said that it came as a package, house, children, car & the dog!!! anyway when he returned from the meeting she text him & asked have you asked the kids yet he'd only just got through the front door!!! the following week she picked them up from school & knocked the front door & said that the kids wanted to live with her....so my partner stupidly didn't query it he packed up his things & moved in with me & the following day gave her the keys back.
6 weeks later the children were still not living with her she they were living with her parents whilst she still lived with the bf & her daughter. My partner had access periodically throughout this time because she made it difficult....however over the Easter holidays they stayed with us 10/14 days they all stated they had made a mistake & wanted to stay living with their dad.
That weekend they phoned her on the Sunday night to tell her they wantedto live with their dad & she said that I was their new mum now & that she wouldnt be around any longer.... she then refused to give the older 2 their school uniform & books so they couldn't go back to school on the Monday which was their 1st day back after holidays... she text my partner on the Monday afternoon to say she wanted to speak to them she picked them up at 4.30 and that was the last we saw of them. Numerous allegations were made by the 11 year about his mother trying to strangle him but Social Services didn't want to know. Then in June I had a text off the 11 year old asking could he come & live with us.....
I have always told them that they are more than welcome & their happiness to me & their dad is paramount.... in the mean time my partner had a phonecall off his wife saying that she was bringing him down to live with us & she cannot cope with his behaviour anymore, which he did & has been with us ever since, but now he will not have anything to do with his mother which concerns me.....she does text him about once a month 'are u ok?' which he never replies to.
We have been on a family holiday together & took his little brother also....no more violent outbursts...... went to see the counscellor who stipulated in his report that in her professional opinion the child should stay living his father & myself.....My partner has just applied for the Tax credits & child benefit to be transferred over....
my only worry is now that my partner has been granted the 'decree nisi' his wife has written in the petition that the arrangement for their son to carry on living with us is amicable but she does not want him changing schools we travel 26 miles a day for the school run.....
I was just wondering what will happen next......there is no residency order.....will CAFCASS need to be involved ?......can the judge make my partners son go back to live with his mother....by the way all the children are a year older now so 16, 13, 12 & 8.....any advice would be so helpful.....many thanks
this is the 1st time I have posted on this forum but I am in a very similar situation as h4yley80, basically I was married for 21 years & never had any children, I separated from my husband in 2011 & luckily my divorce was plain sailing and that was all finalised earlier this year.
Last year in August 2012 I met my current partner who had recently split up from his wife a month earlier July 2012. He had found a 'secret phone' which turned out as evidence that she had been having an affair with his best mate....she left the family home with their 15 year old daughter & set-up with the new bf in a rented house down the street.
My partner was left with 3 boys at the time aged 12,11 & 7.
I came on the scene a month later & as you can well imagine tried not to but over a period of a few months took on the role of 'Mum'.
There was never a structured access from the mother at all she would see them for 1-2 hours a month if it suited her, however they had regular contact with their grandparents (her parents).
Unfortunately the 11 year boy took the split very badly because she actually left the family home on his birthday, likewise I am sure all the children did but he started to get these 'violent outbursts' with no particular trigger factor, obviously my partner & I learned to deal with them and had him referred for counscelling, his mothers reaction to all of this was 'i dont want anything to do with him until his head is sorted'...when his appointment came through to the see the counscellor again her response was 'i hope you are not blaming me'.....anyway I see these people scripted on Jeremy Kyle but I have now had 1st hand experience of it & find it truely unbelieveable.
To cut the story short in February 2013 my partner filed for divorce & had to attend mediation.... the mediator told both parties that the children would need to be asked who they wanted to live with.... my partners wife said she wanted her house back & only the house (its a joint owned home both names on the mortgage which my partner continued to pay in full when she left...she made no contribution)
My partner said that it came as a package, house, children, car & the dog!!! anyway when he returned from the meeting she text him & asked have you asked the kids yet he'd only just got through the front door!!! the following week she picked them up from school & knocked the front door & said that the kids wanted to live with her....so my partner stupidly didn't query it he packed up his things & moved in with me & the following day gave her the keys back.
6 weeks later the children were still not living with her she they were living with her parents whilst she still lived with the bf & her daughter. My partner had access periodically throughout this time because she made it difficult....however over the Easter holidays they stayed with us 10/14 days they all stated they had made a mistake & wanted to stay living with their dad.
That weekend they phoned her on the Sunday night to tell her they wantedto live with their dad & she said that I was their new mum now & that she wouldnt be around any longer.... she then refused to give the older 2 their school uniform & books so they couldn't go back to school on the Monday which was their 1st day back after holidays... she text my partner on the Monday afternoon to say she wanted to speak to them she picked them up at 4.30 and that was the last we saw of them. Numerous allegations were made by the 11 year about his mother trying to strangle him but Social Services didn't want to know. Then in June I had a text off the 11 year old asking could he come & live with us.....
I have always told them that they are more than welcome & their happiness to me & their dad is paramount.... in the mean time my partner had a phonecall off his wife saying that she was bringing him down to live with us & she cannot cope with his behaviour anymore, which he did & has been with us ever since, but now he will not have anything to do with his mother which concerns me.....she does text him about once a month 'are u ok?' which he never replies to.
We have been on a family holiday together & took his little brother also....no more violent outbursts...... went to see the counscellor who stipulated in his report that in her professional opinion the child should stay living his father & myself.....My partner has just applied for the Tax credits & child benefit to be transferred over....
my only worry is now that my partner has been granted the 'decree nisi' his wife has written in the petition that the arrangement for their son to carry on living with us is amicable but she does not want him changing schools we travel 26 miles a day for the school run.....
I was just wondering what will happen next......there is no residency order.....will CAFCASS need to be involved ?......can the judge make my partners son go back to live with his mother....by the way all the children are a year older now so 16, 13, 12 & 8.....any advice would be so helpful.....many thanks
to Legal Beagles....there's a wealth of knowledge on here regarding your situation from many people
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