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Defined Access Order with no Solicitor

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  • Defined Access Order with no Solicitor

    Hi, I wonder if anyone can help? My partner and I are coming to the end of our tether in regards to his ex wife and seeing his children.


    He has never missed a CSA payment (£86 per week) and works full time. We had a verbal agreement that he sees his children on the alternate weekends that he doesn't work and a day during the week on the week that working weekend falls on.


    For the past 18 months we have gone through situations where she will stop us from seeing the children.


    The first instance was as a result of him telling her that he'd met me which resulted in 8 weeks of refusal to see the children. Then she suddenly decided that after she went into labour (with another mans baby) that we were to have to children. This practically killed my partner emotionally.


    A sense of normality resumed for a while but then the day in the week that we had got cancelled due to clubs that the children had signed up to which was absolutely fine and we welcomed this because it was a positive for the children. But, after speaking to the children there has been instances where they haven't gone to the said 'clubs'.


    Birthdays are a bone of contention too, as my partner works a rota we cannot always guarantee that he is not working. We ask of we can see the children on or around the birthday but this again is so difficult for us to get her to agree this.


    On agreed weekends she will try to tempt the children to stay with her with material gifts and emotional blackmail. Family visits will be arranged on out days so we have to miss out because in her words 'it's what the children want and what they want they get'


    This is only a small example of what it's like for us. We don't want any other days only what was initially agreed on. We understand that the children's main carer is the mother but they want and need a father which just seems to be slowly taken away.


    We can't afford a solicitor and want to know if a defined access order can be applied for with out a solicitor and presented to the court with sufficient evidence? We have tried mediation through CAFCAS which she didn't turn up to. She has said in the past that if we take her to court she will keep breaking the court order knowing we have to pay every time to take her back to court. She doesn't (and never has) work so she would be eligible for legal aid.
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  • #2
    Re: Defined Access Order with no Solicitor

    Many solicitors offer a free initial interview - usually about 30 minutes or so. If you wanted to, you find one of these and then weave your question into the conversation.

    However, as the situation will obviously only get worse and worse, you do need professional legal advice. Obviously, it would cost something in the short term, but would certainly save a huge amount of money and heartbreak later.

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    • #3
      Re: Defined Access Order with no Solicitor

      Oh you poor love...isn't it awful when children are used as bargaining tools? She has no idea of the damage she is doing long term to the children. Whatever you do,do NOT ever criticise her in front of them,,,that's a huge No No however tempting it is.
      Now,,how old are these children and are they girls or boys or a mixture?
      Enquirer makes a valid suggestion,,get yourself a free half hour with a lawyer specialising in Family Law.
      You mention CAFCASS,,we went down that route for access to my stepdaughter...when her Mother flatly refused to cooperate,attended NO meetings or mediation and put every bloody obstacle in our way the Judge finally got fed up and granted us the access we asked for...it was a heartbreakingly long slog but we got there in the end and so will you.
      It may not seem like it now but these children will grow up and get very opinionated as to who with and where they want to be.
      In the meantime,,be so saintly it will sicken her...and by being so compliant it will put her on the back foot.
      Good Luck xx

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