How to get joint custody through self representation

**Inca** · 20th May 2013, 06:52:AM

Re: How to get joint custody through self representation

Hi and

to LegalBeagles..
First thing I recommend you do is go to your local Citizens Advice Bureau,,they will be able to set you off seeing the right people and what Legal Aid is available (if any).You should also check out a solicitor who specialises in Family Law for a free half hour session .
It's not going to be easy because at first glance you do seem to have regular uninterrupted access to your son and he is still very young.She will obviously say he is in a routine and doesn't want that disrupted.
I'm sure mediation will be suggested.

Good Luck

**leclerc** · 20th May 2013, 15:07:PM

Re: How to get joint custody through self representation

Originally posted by OlliesDAD View Post

Please forgive me for this essay I am new

Heres my situation; Me and my partner split up when our son was 6 months old. I offered to pay money but my ex said she wanted it theough the csa, she does not seem to grasp that they are only there for parents who can not agree or refuse maintenance.
That's not actually correct as any couple couple whether in dispute over the Amount or not can use the csa.

anyway she called them and I paid through the CSA until he was 13 months old and then my job ended so did the payments.

A month later employment was reinstated at which I asked my ex for her bank details to set up £50 weekly. She said No as she didn't trust I would pay her on time. I asked for a copy of birth certificate so I could open an account and pay money that way and she said she had lost it. A month or two went buy I then again asked for bank details at which she refused. I said fine if U want money go to the CSA as I'm done trying here.

I think you should have gone to the CSA since she was not accepting payments.

A year went by where she allowed me to see my son 2 Saturdays a month 10am-5pm no over night stays. During this time I have provided him with lots of clothing and footware all from next, ****, hunter etc as a way of contributing seeing as she wouldn't accept money. 3 times during the year I handed over bags of clothes and footware at a minimum of £150 each time. Every birthday & Christmas its a trip to toys r us leaving me at least £200 down.

My son is now 2 and 9 months and I see him every other Saturday and Sunday 10-5 still no over night stays as she will simply not allow it as his "not ready" I know he stays over night at her mums all the time, i also know she went on holiday and he stayed there and she went to a weekend festival and he stayed there. When i question it, Her response is he still crys for his mum and his own bed so he can't stay with me.. If that's the case why can he cry for his mum and own bed at his nans house but not mine? especially when its for more then one night while she's away!

We have not physically seen each other in almost 2years as she refuses to see me saying we have no need, so i have to pick him up from her mums house and drop him back there too. We have both moved on, I'm engaged and she has a boyfriend who also has children, which hurts me as I know he sees my son more then I do.
to be honest with you, not seeing her is a good thing IF it actually means that contact is kept.

Anyway She finally called the CSA declairing I pay nothing and they now back date the payments and I give her 40% of my wages which is £128 per week. I did offer to provide the CSA all receipts for toys and clothing and they refused them and said it does not count.
I would agree with that as well. What you could have done(in hindsight) would have been to have opened a savings account and simply put money into that every month so that when they asked about the money you could say that you have a lump sum that the mother refused to accept which you would be willing to transfer into an account to cover the back payment.

I have been nothing but a doting father to our child who I cherish and love dearly, I can not understand why she will not allow me to see him more. i am at my wits end and I want to go for shared custody.
To see him more you would need to go through the courts but the fact that you see him at all remains a positive thing for the child.

Naturally I can not afford court and wondered would i receive legal aid? while paying my ex £128 per week and wondered how to go around sf representation? Any advice would be helpful

I think and this may be the case that due to changes to legal aid, custody of a child would not fall under legal aid nor would necessarily an increase in the number of days given.

**sundaygirl** · 5th July 2013, 23:36:PM

Re: How to get joint custody through self representation

its true that legal aid has been cut, so going to court may be off the cards. perhaps you could try mitigation/tribunal (i believe it works out as cheaper).
if you have bank statements/evidence of wiring the money/receipts and photographs of him wearing the clothes, that may go towards somehow helping you.
i hope this doesn't sound patronising but in future try and be smart, pay her via standing order/direct debit - avoid cash in hand, which she can deny, or get a witness. perhaps you could wire the money to her mother?
the BEST idea/protection and most hassle free way would be to give her gift cards (for places like asda for food and clothes that she has to spend in store rather than giving there cash) bought using your debit card - maybe you can have them sent her via the post/email (if you still have her address) or even facebook, so you don't need to ask for her personal/banking details.

i really hope this helps and i hope that this situation works out for you swiftly.

**charitynjw** · 6th July 2013, 06:35:AM

Re: How to get joint custody through self representation

Hi OlliesDAD,

I came across http://www.nacsa.co.uk/ & thought it might help.

How to get joint custody through self representation

How to get joint custody through self representation

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