Assited Living

[Hurricane Puffrose]

hey guys

I have a childhood friend (H) and have literally not got a memory that she is not part of, her family became family if you see what I mean.

She has 2 elder brothers, and one (D) has always been, well when we were kids it was said he was "slow".

D now lives with H, but if he is left alone he panics. He cannot cope alone, and has issues with making friends that don;t sponge off him, nick his cigs etc, and D cannot see that this is a bad thing.


H wants to move nearer to me as she literally has no backup where she is, and is slowly losing her sight, but D would have to come with her, and I can't see that being healthy for D or H in the slightest.

We are wondering how we go about getting him assisted Living.
He would need someone to remind him of things like, cooking his meals, or doing his dishes.. someone who will talk to him as D and we can trust to not hurt him ( and yes that does sound a bit pathetic but he means the world to me).

Any ideas?

[enaid]

Re: Assited Living

I think you may have the wrong title for what you are wanting Assisted Living is usually for the elderly.

http://www.housingcare.org/elderly-u...e-housing.aspx

If you read the info on there it will give you a guide to what it means and the homes etc in your particular area.

I think your best bet would be to contact your local Social Services dept (adult) and see what they advise.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

ty enaid i will pass this on to H

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

Hi Puff

It's a really tricky situation if D doesn't have a specifically diagnosed learning disability. Probably trickier still if he doesn't believe he needs support. But I think "Supported Living" is what you might be looking for - this might conceivably help http://www.communitycare.co.uk/artic...sabilities.htm

The key to this will be a good Social Worker - and for the usual reasons (inc. money) it will likely be a fight. I came across some really good places when I was looking for our son (unfortunately no good for him as his needs are too severe) but for young men - or adults with LD in general - there were some really good companies (it's all privately outsourced but funded by either government, SS, CHC or LA) arranging support in shared houses so that the young men had their own pad within a shared house with peers, with overall and individual support according to need. Obviously, you have to really trust the company and their employment/training policies as the scope for abuse is extreme - but if it works it's close to "ideal" as there is a real opportunity for independence within safe limits.

Again, in our case there was a silver lining to our son having had to leave home for a residential placement while he was still officially a child, as there was transition support in place and we had already had the funding battle.

It's hard to find the right solution and if I can help in any way at all I would like to - just shout. x

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

thanks hunny. I think by D's behaviour he could be border line Autisum but it was unheard of when I was a kid. He can't make friends, dislikes contact and has the learning age of about 8. Don't get me wrong he will get up, get washed and dressed and make a cup of tea, but he doesnt realise that people who say they are the gas man arent sometimes.. or that if he goes to the bank for money, said money should go in his wallet not in his hand!

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

If he could possibly get to see a psychiatrist specializing in adults with LD/communication problems/ASD and get a diagnosis it would likely open some doors. "Care in the community" is a bit of a misnomer but it is a legal requirement that people with LD's needs are met and the fight has to be taken there - to proving that the needs are there, that they can be met and the specifics of this. What we have found over the years is that it's helpful to have some "target" provision, get the "professionals" on side - and then fight that very specific battle with no holds barred.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

will explain this to H asap, hopefully she is coming up tomorrow, and bringing D too.. aint seen him for YEARS!!

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

Don't let her think she'll be doing him any favours by sacrificing her life to look after him - it will be better for everyone if a solution that gives him as much independence as possible is found - particularly for him. How old is he (roughly) if you don't mind saying?

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

hes roughly 35/36 ish.
I'm estimating a year or so older than I am.

and yeh shes got 2 teenage kids now, so D does kinda.. need his own space.

[Eloise01]

Re: Assited Living

Another thing to warch out for is the cross authority boundary issues. I don't know much about this, I just came across it recently with a friend.... as I understand it, each local authority sets its own budgets for various care elements, so, for example, one may budget £260 per week, and you can bet your bottom dollar that every "care package" in that area will cost £260 per week. The next door authority may have a budget set at £290 per week... and you guessed it, that's what it costs there.So if you want the care package in the next door authority (or basically, somewhere else) then you only get uour authority's figure and have to make up the difference. This may be very relevant if she is looking to relocate herself and ends up falling somewhere in the middle.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

again bang on.

she is relocating further north and says that her local council and social services dont really care about D, but Social Services don't like him living with her as she hasn't really got the room!

I will contact my council as she is hoping to rent a house literally at the end of the road! They seem red hot on independant living etc.

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

Another thing to warch out for is the cross authority boundary issues. I don't know much about this, I just came across it recently with a friend.... as I understand it, each local authority sets its own budgets for various care elements, so, for example, one may budget £260 per week, and you can bet your bottom dollar that every "care package" in that area will cost £260 per week. The next door authority may have a budget set at £290 per week... and you guessed it, that's what it costs there.So if you want the care package in the next door authority (or basically, somewhere else) then you only get uour authority's figure and have to make up the difference. This may be very relevant if she is looking to relocate herself and ends up falling somewhere in the middle.

Absolutely correct - and it's not just the cost of care but the quality that - literally - cuts off from county to county. We, for example, live on the cusp (as it were) of three LAs and it's really hard to get the provision sorted as they all guard their own pots and areas of excellence (!) instead of sharing.

Here in Wales, the WAG is supposedly going to put it all - SS, ED and HC into one pot, across all authorities, for LD but "the system" is not friendly and no-one is holding their breath.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Assited Living

Where H lives she has asked for things to help her sight wise, and is still waiting.
Mum in my council asked for a step outside her door, got it in 2 days.

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

hes roughly 35/36 ish.
I'm estimating a year or so older than I am.

and yeh shes got 2 teenage kids now, so D does kinda.. need his own space.

All this needs to be highlighted - he is a man, not a child, and needs to be enabled to have a man's dignity.

[MissFM]

Re: Assited Living

Where H lives she has asked for things to help her sight wise, and is still waiting.
Mum in my council asked for a step outside her door, got it in 2 days.

That sounds very hopeful, Puff. all you really need is one good and courageous person within the system to bat for his side (and a lot of stamina lol) x