Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

[leclerc]

I am thinking miles ahead perhaps but the fact remains that family is involved. I am not supposed to say much about what has happened in family court because I am barred from doing so on pain of contempt of court. This is what some people called the "secret courts" and where a judge at a whim can effectively state that "parental consent is dispensed with" effectively meaning that adoption is forced against the will of a parent or a set of parents by this phrase without having told you what significant harm that you have actually caused. Those judgements are effectively using the mystic meg approach to Child Protection where because of the secretive nature of the courts, the word of a social worker is primary over the words of a parent or parents. There are many forms of online support out there where Child Protection issues are in place, from simple contact issues to the issue of forced adoption as defined above.

My simple question is the name of the thread. Once the children have been adopted, what do you as a birth parent do next? You have not consented to the adoption, you have not agreed with the adoption and yet you are effectively stripped of your parenthood and are forced to have no contact apart from what is called "letterbox" contact which in reality is ineffective. You are allowed no rights to find the child until they hit majority.
What do you do? What can you do for those years potentially if government plans on adoption go through, up to 16 or 17 years?

[Inca]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Lot depends on the 'why'..as in why the child was removed from the birth parents in the first instance. It's a long road to 'closed adoption' and isn't taken lightly. In our family we have the 'child' and no contact with the birth parents for the protection of the child.

[labman]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

http://www.forced-adoption.com/recover-children.asp

Any help? You need to read beyond the initial article!

[TUTTSI]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Having adopted both my kids I know that when they reach 18 they can search for their birth parents.

It must be very hard for a family to loose their kids this way and be stripped of their rights. Unfortunately I do not believe there is anything they can do. They obviously had a family court solicitor, is there anyway that they can appeal this decision as we have seen many times that SS do not get it right.

We had been placed a 3rd child for adoption but the birth mother had a change of heart just prior to the court hearing for the actual adoption and we had a trauma of a huge court case with 4 barisisters attending where it resulted in the birth mother being given the right to her child being returned because the judge said the natual parent(s) unless we knew of any reason that she should not have the child back ie if she was a drug addict or a drunkard then he said the child must go back to the birth mother. He told SS that we should be allowed the next baby for adoption..... sadly they then said we were too old to adopt another child.

Sorry that I cannot be of more help to you and hope that someone will be able to give you more hope.

[leclerc]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Lot depends on the 'why'..as in why the child was removed from the birth parents in the first instance. It's a long road to 'closed adoption' and isn't taken lightly. In our family we have the 'child' and no contact with the birth parents for the protection of the child.

I cannot answer that question as see post 1, it would be contempt of court but needless to say I am biased. Not all cases where it is a closed adoption relate to violence towards the child where contact with the birth mother or father could be supervised. After all ultimately, a child will want to know where they came from and the reasons surrounding their adoption. I would add that the reasons adopted parents are told are not necessarily entirely accurate.

[leclerc]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

http://www.forced-adoption.com/recover-children.asp

Any help? You need to read beyond the initial article!

I have had email communication with Ian Josephs who runs the site and gives advice to parents. He does not actually give advice for what happens after the fact....

[leclerc]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Having adopted both my kids I know that when they reach 18 they can search for their birth parents. Please be aware I am biased as I am answering points. As a parent or relative you can do so through a mediation agency as well.

It must be very hard for a family to loose their kids this way and be stripped of their rights. Unfortunately I do not believe there is anything they can do. They obviously had a family court solicitor, is there anyway that they can appeal this decision as we have seen many times that SS do not get it right Many Legal aid solicitors on family law are pretty useless to be honest. They advice many times to more or less accept that the child is to be taken off you early on, and to work with social workers. For example, if they tell you to move a box in your living room to the right, and you do so, they then say that they meant the other side. Are you aware that they receive payments when a child is adopted?

We had been placed a 3rd child for adoption but the birth mother had a change of heart just prior to the court hearing for the actual adoption and we had a trauma of a huge court case with 4 barisisters attending where it resulted in the birth mother being given the right to her child being returned because the judge said the natual parent(s) unless we knew of any reason that she should not have the child back ie if she was a drug addict or a drunkard then he said the child must go back to the birth mother. He told SS that we should be allowed the next baby for adoption..... sadly they then said we were too old to adopt another child. A lot of times Drug addicts are allowed to keep their babies because they would not make good children to adopt. I would add that my example is specifically where a parent is effectively stripped by the state of their parenthood effectively making them merely a vessel from which children are produced. It reduces their humanity down to less than nothingness.
Sorry that I cannot be of more help to you and hope that someone will be able to give you more hope.

No worries Tuttsi and I will wait for more responses before I say what I think myself. I am guarded for the time being but that won't last too much longer.

[Hurricane Puffrose]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Hi Leclerc,

Having an adopted brother, aunt and uncle, I know the old system of the parent having no rights to the child etc, however as far as I am aware now the parent can seek the child aged 16 .

It's not the answer you were looking for, more a suggestion, but write the child a letter, tell them how much you love them and that you didn't want to let them go, and ask can it be given to the little one when they hit 16. Some adoptive parents, especially those adopted themselves, actively encourage this from birth families.


Sending you cyber hugs hun
hunny much love XX

[Inca]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Our family situation doesn't involve violence the truth will be told eventually I hope everything turns out ok for you in the end too.

[labman]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

I have had email communication with Ian Josephs who runs the site and gives advice to parents. He does not actually give advice for what happens after the fact....

Ah well - I tried!

[SpringerSpaniel]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

There is a Post Adoption Centre in London who can give advice about this situation.

[leclerc]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

Hi Leclerc,

Having an adopted brother, aunt and uncle, I know the old system of the parent having no rights to the child etc, however as far as I am aware now the parent can seek the child aged 16 .

It's not the answer you were looking for, more a suggestion, but write the child a letter, tell them how much you love them and that you didn't want to let them go, and ask can it be given to the little one when they hit 16. Some adoptive parents, especially those adopted themselves, actively encourage this from birth families.


Sending you cyber hugs hun
hunny much love XX

I think that there is a difference between Scotland and England. In Scotland it's 16 years and in England it's 18 years old

http://www.adviceguide.org.uk/scotla...s_scotland.htm

[Emerald]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

All you can do is make sure you keep up with the letterbox contact and during the coming years keep your family's lifestory well documented with photos etc so that the child can see it when older. In these days of social networking adopted children are finding their families a lot younger than they used to. In the meantime if no direct contact was granted then the parent no longer has any legal rights to the child and any contact will be treated pretty much the same as if you approached a total strangers child. There was a case a couple of years ago in North Wales I think (highly publicised so not personal knowledge) where the birth parents met their child and took him out and they were charged with kidnap of a minor and were facing a custodial sentence - I stress here (you'll understand) they only didn't get one as mum had Learning Diffiuclties and another child at home.
There are support groups for parents who have lost their children to adoption and the social worker should have refererred the parent at the time the placement order was made in court.
It's a really hard time ahead of you - has the final contact happened?
You know how to contact me if I can help.

Take Care x

[leclerc]

Re: Post Adoption: Birth parents....what do you do next?

All you can do is make sure you keep up with the letterbox contact and during the coming years keep your family's lifestory well documented with photos etc so that the child can see it when older. In these days of social networking adopted children are finding their families a lot younger than they used to. In the meantime if no direct contact was granted then the parent no longer has any legal rights to the child and any contact will be treated pretty much the same as if you approached a total strangers child. There was a case a couple of years ago in North Wales I think (highly publicised so not personal knowledge) where the birth parents met their child and took him out and they were charged with kidnap of a minor and were facing a custodial sentence - I stress here (you'll understand) they only didn't get one as mum had Learning Diffiuclties and another child at home.
There are support groups for parents who have lost their children to adoption and the social worker should have refererred the parent at the time the placement order was made in court.
It's a really hard time ahead of you - has the final contact happened?
You know how to contact me if I can help.


That is my concern. To kinda update this case, we did appeal for permission to appeal and failed. The judgement is riddled with medical inaccuracies so to be blunt, the next phase is to seek all information under the DPA and to make formal complaints over factual errors.


Take Care x

To be blunt with you, I can see why child abuse happens in local authority care. When you make a complaint to an IRO you are effectively given the spiel that the child is happy in their placement which is a load of BS. In our case, we are looking at other lines of appeal but my suspicion is that we will effectively have lost 2 members of the family to what is called "forced" adoption.