My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

[brucebommer]

For a couple of years now, my daughter has expressed an interest in coming to live with my wife and myself. Things have now come to a head as every time she is here she wants to know when she can stay permanently. She does not get on fantastically with her mother and after they moved area a little over a year ago she began having problems at the new school. She cites the reasons for wanting to be here as she has more friends, she feels more relaxed and secure here and wants to go back to her old school. I still live in the old marital home and i think she sees this as her home and just wants to come back. I sought legal advice around six months ago but they were very dismissive and basically told me it was a no win situation as the mother could spend more time with her and the courts would be loathed to uproot her as she has a brother and sister who are happy to stay with their mother. I feel this is not the case as we would only be restoring her to where she came from originally. I have the backup of my wife, parents and sisters around me so would never need to use any other form of childminding. What is the legal standing on this situation as i would dearly love her to come live with us and she is adament that she wants to be here but her mother is bitterly opposed to the idea.

[IanM]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

I like to believe that people come to the forum for an honest approach to their problems so to maintain that policy i think you should buy a lottery ticket because the odds are about the same.

Only if your daughters health or safety were at serious risk would they consider allowing her to live with you as opposed to her mother and brother and sister which if proved true would result in all the children being removed, not just the one that wants to live with you so you have to be careful going down that route.

Although your daughter, and you, may want her to live with you, you may just have to make the best of the time you do spend together and wait until she is legally old enough to choose for herself.

Good luck.

[labman]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

Sadly, I also think it's highly unlikely. Your best hope is specialist legal advice, but don't be surprised if they give the same advice you've already been given.

I know this isn't what you want to be told, but without substantial due cause to uproot her, and separate her from her mother, brothers and sisters, it is very unlikely.

What you can do is encourage her to make the most of where she is. 9 year olds are easily influenced, and support from you for her current situation may go a long way.

I too wish you good luck, and your daughter happiness, wherever she is.

[Inca]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

My advice is seek legal advice straight away,get Cafcass involved and ,at the very least,TRY. I can talk about this issue from recent personal experience,although I do agree with labman and Ian,,you wil have a right old tussle on your hands.

[sparkle99]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

i will say this, u do have a hope in hell if u have lots of money a pro dad cafcass officer and a better solicitor. it happened to me. My son now lives with his dad, i'm in a no way a bad mum or a danger to him. I have a daughter who lives with me. If its truly what your daughter wants then go for it? be careful tho as children do like to say things to please their parents but the fact that your daughter is 9 means that what she wants will be taken into consideration.

[Petemcc]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

I have been through something similar. My oldest daughter wanted to live with me after we seperated. I asked my ex, and was refused as "ill get more money if i have her"

I went to a solicitor, payed an absolute fortune on solicitors fees, court costs etc, only for the court so rule in favour of her mum. Not because i was deemed a bad parent, but because the sherriff is old fashioned (his words) and believes a child needs its mum.

My daughter is now 11 and still of the same opinion that she should live with me. Her mum has stopped my access every time she gets a new fella, or decides im not doing what she asks enough.

My advice is if you think you have a chance, fight for your daughter. When they turn 12 their opinion carries heavier weight with the court. Do not give up and always be there for her regardless of the sacrifices you will have to make.

My daughter knows ive fought for her most of her life and i honsetly think she is happier knowing that i havent just given up on her

[Kitiara]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

We are also going through this at the moment, my partners 9 year old son wants to live with us, he has told everyone who will listen, including writing to our solicitor about the emotional abuse (and in one case physical abuse from his stepdad) and his fears for the future. We share the same concerns and have applied for residency on his behalf (these are all his allegations not ours) The CAFCASS officer came out to see us a week ago after visiting his mum earlier in the week and last night rang to let us know that his report has been submitted and signed off by his manage and they are recommending that his son comes to live with us in the summer after he has finished his school year at his current school .... we prayed this would happen, but given that everyone seems to think that kids should be with their Mum, we didn't hold out much hope. The judge still needs to rubber stamp it, but as the CAFCASS officer said, the courts go with the recommendation of CAFCASS 99% of the time, so fingers crossed that come July we can start being the proper family *L* has wanted for so long. It looks like we are going to get the happy ending we have fought so hard for, and I know this is not always the case, but for anyone starting this journey - as long as you believe your doing it for the right reasons - then go for it, you may not get the outcome you want, but your child will know that you did everything you could for them.

Thank you to all the LB's who have advised (and listened to my moans), there is now a light at the end of what has been at times a very dark tunnel.

Kit

[PlanB]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

You say that your daughter has moved to a new area and has problems with her new school and is not making news friends. If this is the real reason she wants to go back to her old home (rather than a positive choice to be with her father not mother) then maybe you could try to help her get more settled into the new school and her new environment.

If she's missing her old friends introduce her to the delights of Facebook and Skype :typing:

[leclerc]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

I have been through something similar. My oldest daughter wanted to live with me after we seperated. I asked my ex, and was refused as "ill get more money if i have her"

I went to a solicitor, payed an absolute fortune on solicitors fees, court costs etc, only for the court so rule in favour of her mum. Not because i was deemed a bad parent, but because the sherriff is old fashioned (his words) and believes a child needs its mum.

My daughter is now 11 and still of the same opinion that she should live with me. Her mum has stopped my access every time she gets a new fella, or decides im not doing what she asks enough.

My advice is if you think you have a chance, fight for your daughter. When they turn 12 their opinion carries heavier weight with the court. Do not give up and always be there for her regardless of the sacrifices you will have to make.

My daughter knows ive fought for her most of her life and i honsetly think she is happier knowing that i havent just given up on her

I think you need to ask for a court ordered contact because it will hold more weight. Clearly the mother cannot use the child as a weapon against you or when she has a new fella. I think you are talking about the Gillick Competant. At age 13 I believe she can effectively hire her own solicitor to enforce contact and to make her own views known.

[Inca]

Re: My 9yr old daughter wants to live with us. What are our chances?

My stepdaughter was 13,,which made life a tad easier when we took her mum to court for access.(Thanks leclerc,,I couldn't think why her age made such a difference,just knew it did)