worried for my son and grandson.....pending court hearing

[Jennie wren]

Hi all,

I am so worried for my son and my grandson. My grandson is now nearly 10 months old. My son & his ex split before she found out she was pregnant - they split because of her being violent to him & her possessive behaviour but that's too long a story to tell - ever since they found out it has been one battle after another with her. Initially she regularly told my son he may not be the childs father so, rightly or wrongly, my son kept his distance until his son was born when he instantly knew the baby was his - he was the double of his father! The very day he was born he sought advice and started action via a solicitor to gain contact, a parental responsibilty order & to have his name on his sons birth certificate - the ex did invite him to attend to register the birth the night before the registration but he was working and it was too short notice to take time off. He asked her to rearrange the appointment so he could attend but she said it had to be done on that day as there was a waiting list of 6 months for another appointment!

Anyway, he has only ever been allowed sporadic contact and only supervised by the ex, during which time she comes onto him & makes advances that are unwelcome. She always messages me inappropriate messages after the contact saying that 'things' have happened between them so my son asked that I accompanied him so as to not be accused of anything he hasn't done. Needless to say the ex stopped me from going and does not allow me to see my grandson. My son then started taking another friend, the ex stopped that also. She invites him to see his son when she knows he is working then accuses him of being 'useless scum' when he says he cant make it due to work. She also takes his son to see him whilst he is at work and classes that as her allowing him contact, which is completely inappropriate too. The ex is always texting my son telling him his son is ill when he isnt, or that she has had an accident when she hasnt so he will contact her. This makes it very difficult for him to determine what is fact or what is fiction.

My son attended a mediation meeting on his own, a requirement before any court action, and his ex received a date for her meeting. After this date, she asked me why my son had refused mediation. My son had not refused mediation, however, we have recently discovered from his solicitor that SHE had refused to attend the mediation meeting. We have also discovered that she has been telling people that my son beat her. I challenged her on this and she would not give me an answer.

His ex has informed me of occasions when her mother, who she lives with, has been violent and smashed the house up whilst my grandson was present. Whether this is true i have no way of clarifying, so as well as being concerned for my son I am also concerned about the welfare of my grandson.

This is a very long story cut very short. What I want to know, if anyone knows, is because my sons ex refused to attend mediation, what happens if she refuses to attend the court? It has caused my son a lot of distress both emotionally & financially and I am worried about the pending court action.

[bluebottle]

Re: worried for my son and grandson.....pending court hearing

Hello Jennie and welcome to Legal Beagles.

The fact that your son's ex refused to attend mediation prior to a court hearing is not going to go down well with a judge. As far as the court hearing goes, the judge could adjourn the hearing or he/she could make a ruling, order, etc., in her absence. If the hearing is adjourned and the ex does not attend the adjourned hearing, the judge could find her in contempt and issue a Committal Order ordering her to be arrested and brought before the court. Hopefully, this will not happen.

Turning to your concerns about your grandson's welfare, as a retired policeman, the behaviour your son's ex is presenting suggests possible mental health issues and this is something of concern. If what you son's ex told you about the behaviour of her own mother has any grain of truth about it, I would be very concerned. Your son needs to discuss the issue of his ex's behaviour with a legal professional as it may be that an application needs to be made to the court for your son to have custody of his son whilst his ex's behaviour is addressed and a decision made as to whether it is in your grandson's best interests to be living with your son or his ex.

[Nikolai]

Re: worried for my son and grandson.....pending court hearing

Don't overlook the fact that if you as a grandparent are being denied contact with your grandson, you have the right to make your own application to the court for permission to apply for your own contact order. This is in addition to any rights your son has. If your son has his own application for contact already up and running, you can ask the court for permission to be joined in as a party to that case. It might be an idea for you to take legal advice yourself. If you do go to see a solicitor, be aware you should look for a family law specialist and don't forget many solicitors offer 30 - 45 minutes initial consultation free of charge, or if not free then at a modest fixed fee. Legal aid may also be available, so do ask.

[Jennie wren]

Re: worried for my son and grandson.....pending court hearing

Thank you bluebottle & nikolai for your replies. My son has a solicitor with which our concerns have been raised, however, she seems to think that it may harm his case should he try to raise these issues. My son has requested a few times that his solicitor write to his ex regarding her behaviour. I have also contacted social services for advice (without naming any party involved) and they said the same, that it might harm his case if I/we were to make a report. I have considered seeking legal advice for myself but I feel it only fair that my son establishes a relationship with my grandson first and foremost. Then, hopefully, I will build my own relationship with him.