Problem sharing bills

[MikeR71]

Hi,

My wife and I are both working and earning enough to cover rent and bills jointly. However, I have always paid the rent and the bills because she wasn't working.
She has now been working for a year but I still continue to pay all the bills while she refuses to contribute. I don't think this is fair specially since recently our bills have increased. I am often left out of pocket early in the month.
I have spoken to her and she still refuses to contribute.

I want to know my legal rights in this situation. I am considering canceling my direct debits for all bills and even have the baillifs come around. All the bills carry both our names even though I have been paying for them and I can prove that.

What are my options here? Any advice would be much appreciated.

[shell]

Re: Problem sharing bills

You sure you two are married and not just housemates?

[Budgie]

Re: Problem sharing bills

What reason (s) does your wife give you for not contributing?

[Celestine]

Re: Problem sharing bills

Hi Mike

Blimey, that's quite a problem. The legal system can only really offer remedy in the event of a divorce, your issues lie firmly within the parameters of the 'relationship'.

What reasons does she offer for refusal to contribute? Does she earn a lot less than you? What does she spend her earnings on?

How long have you been married? Is the relationship otherwise healthy?

Sorry for all the questions, but her behaviour is extremely odd and unfair.

Cancelling the DD's will lead to debts and charges jointly in your name, so will not actually cure the problem either.

There must be some words, some logic, some conversation that can make her see sense.

Happy to help you formulate what that is.

[shamen]

Re: Problem sharing bills

Thats a very unfair position to put you in. Sounds like someone has the old world view of 'the man should provide' but then want her cake and eat it with the new world view of 'woman can go out and work and do just as much as men'. As the other have asked, how long have you been married? are the bills in joint names? Id ensure as many bills as possible are in joint names as you can.

If I were in your situation I would write down all of the monthly outgoings on paper and put both your and her income too. Add up the two incomes and you are left with your total household income. If her income is 12% of the household income, then split the outgoings 88% / 12% and give her the amounts. Don't make the mistake of 'asking' her to pay her percentage, make it clear she 'has' to pay - be firm yet clam. Dont say 'if you dont then X will happen' as women tend not to respond to well to that.

If she does not agree there are a few routes. First, counseling together. If my wife would not agree to counseling to help our marriage I would have serious doubts over her commitment to me. Be prepared to hear the age old line of 'I dont want some stranger knowing our business' - that usually translates as 'I know I'm being an idiot towards you and I dont want someone else to know or side with you'. Try to persuade her that counseling is to build a stronger relationship which will have benefits in all kinds of areas of your marriage. In fact, I fully recommend marriage counseling even to people who do not have marital problems - it helps communication no end and actually brings to the surface small niggles which may have built into big problems over time.

If that fails and she still does not contribute, I would be considering a separation if that were my situation, though you could do the no pay bit which (assuming joint finances and bills) would mess with her credit rating but also yours too. You also have to consider the impact that would have on her if bailiffs come by - if her ingrained view of a husband is a provider and suddenly you are not doing so and she is being harassed by debt collectors and bailiffs then it could really affect her world in a negative way - the 'curl up and put the spikes out like a hedgehog' defense.

Best of luck to you - dont be a brow beaten or whipped husband - relationships are give and take - a lifelong partnership. Settle for nothing less.
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Just had another thought when i was outside having a cig - is it possible your wife has debts or outgoings of her own that she is hiding from you and using her wages to pay off?