Help needed, thank you

[philip1980]

Hello,

I have found myself in a very unpleasant and upsetting position that I did not think would ever happen to me. I need some help on this

My now ex girlfriend is trying to take everything from me.

We bought a house in 2006 and another in 2007. Each house has a mortgage 1 in my name and the other in her name. My ex worked in the travel industry which fizzed away in 2007, she got made redundant. Since then she has not worked which I did not mind as we could afford everything from my wage.

We now have an 8 month old son

2 days ago I was told to pack up and get out, I refuse to do this as I won't give up my right to bring up my son. I want to watch him grow up and have 100% influence in his life.
My ex is trying to say the house in her name belongs to her which is the house we live in. She says I have to leave. She also says that the money in the joint accounts is now half each and 1 of the cars she is having. Estate agents came around today to value the property as she has decided to sell it.

We are not married and I have paid for everything since 2007 before this for 1 year both wages had been combined.

I put 2 years worth of ISA's in her name total £7200.

I paid for the car she uses in full which is also in her name.

I pay for both mortgages each month and have also paid lump sums off both mortgages.

I pay for everything .

My ex looks after our son while I work

Where do I stand on this can she do this and take the lot?

Also I have a feeling she might try to keep me from seeing my son as she says dads don't have rights and the child will always have to go with their mothers. My ex will most likely move back to her parents and once there I will never get to see my son as they will not let me near if my ex clicks her fingers and tells them not to let me see him.

Any tips would be a real help, thanks

[catinahat]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Hi Phil,

really sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time; its always harder when there's kids involved. Now, firstly, please understand that I'm not a professional, just another parent with a bit of knowledge on aspects of Social Policy and my own/friends' experiences...

In terms of access to your son; your ex is wrong, the courts do not automatically give the mother all the rights. Under the Children Act 1989, all that changed. The main basis of the Children Act is that the 'best interests of the child are paramount'. When you are not married, its important that the father's name is on the child's birth certificate. If your ex has no other children, you have a better chance of what is now called a 'residency order'. The old 'custody' rules are obsolete since the Children Act. A residency order can either be joint or awarded to one parent. If your ex has other kids from a previous relationship, generally speaking, the courts do not like to split up siblings otherwise, you will both be assessed on your own merits.
Even if your ex has full residency order/guardianship of your son, you still have rights of access to your son; even Grandparents have rights under the children Act. In family court, they would normally appoint what's called a 'Guardian Et Litum'. This person's role is to mediate between yourself and your ex and try to come to a solution that you can both live with, but which ultimately, serves what is in your child's best interest. For a court to deny a parent any parental rights or access to their children, there has to have been some pretty dire
reason for that to happen, like abuse or serious endangerment to the child. Even then, some abusive parents might still be allowed visitation rights but these would be supervised at a neutral location and specified by the courts to be a certain place and time and specific duration.
In terms of your assetts, I'm not too sure where you'd stand on that if the property has been put in your ex's name. That may be harder and I'd strongly advise you get specialist legal help with that with a solicitor who specialises in either property law and/or family law. Sorry I can't be of any more help. My first point would be that you get your parental rights/duties defined by the courts. Even if things are amicable now, its better for you all in the long run that you know where you stand. relationships break down yes, but at the end of the day, you've split from your ex and she from you. You didn't 'divorce' your son and he shouldn't lose out on either parent/grandparents ideally. Even if you don't live together. I do hope you can work things out. Things can get acrimonious and unfortunately, many people do put their kids in the middle of it and use them as 'bargaining chips'. Try where possible to not let your emotions in relation to your ex, or any hurts, affect your judgement in sorting things what is best for your son. Wherever possible, two parents are always going to be better for your son than missing out on one of them. Good luck,
Regards, CatX

[charitynjw]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Hi phil,

I agree with cat - things can boil over due to emotional involvement, & often one party will take advantage of the other's 'better nature'

It is wise, though, to have a clear understanding of your rights.

This may help:-

http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/Res...imit=15&page=3

[catinahat]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Hi Phil,

here's a bit more info that might be useful for you, best wishes, CatX

Birth registration

Registering the birth of your child
The birth should be registered within 42 days (six weeks) of the baby being born.
All original birth certificates require the details of the biological mother and where possible the biological father.
Birth registration is also tied up with Parental Responsibility. Parental Responsibility is something that all mothers have automatically and all fathers if they are present at birth registration or if they were married to the mother at the time of birth.

Who should register the birth?
If the mother and father were married at the time of the birth, either can register the birth on their own.
If the mother and father are unmarried, responsibility for registering the birth is the mother’s.
If an unmarried father is not present and does not sign the register, his details will not be included on the birth certificate (and he will not gain Parental Responsibility for his child), unless:
1) He makes a statutory declaration acknowledging that he is the father, which the mother must give to the registrar, or
2) A parental responsibility agreement or court order has been made and this document is presented at the register office.
An unmarried father may register the birth of his child without the mother if:
1) She makes a statutory declaration acknowledging him as the father of the child, or
2) He brings along a parental responsibility agreement or a court order.
An unmarried father may have his details included at a later date by re-registering the birth.

Further information
For more information go to the General Register Office website.

Parental responsibility

What is parental responsibility?
Parental Responsibility (PR) is a legal term.
PR is defined in the Children Act 1989 as 'all the rights, duties, powers, responsibilities and authorities which by law a parent of a child has in relation to the child and his property.'
Without it, you don't have any right to be involved in decisions such as where the child lives, their education, religion or medical treatment. A father with Parental Responsibility can also have more of a say in whether their child is taken out of the country.

You automatically have PR if:
You are the biological mother of the child.
You are the father of the child and are married to (or later marry) the mother.
You are an unmarried father and are registered on the birth certificate (this applies only to those births registered since 1st December 2003).
You have adopted the child.

You must take steps to acquire PR if:
You are an unmarried father and are not registered on the birth certificate.
You are not the biological parent, even if your partner is.

Ways to get PR:
If you are the biological father, you can act with the mother to re-register the birth to include your details on the birth certificate.
If you are the biological father, you can make a PR agreement with the mother’s consent.
If you are the biological father and the mother refuses to make a PR agreement, you can apply to the court for a PR order.
If you are the partner of the biological parent, and your partner’s child lives with you, you can get PR in one of a number of ways: you can ask the court for a Residence Order; you can make a PR agreement with consent from the child’s parents; you can apply for a court order; or, you can apply for an Adoption Order.

Further information
For more information go to the General Register Office website

[jim3940]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Dont lose heart. I got custody of my kids following divorce. it was not an easy road but the courts took the kids wishes into consideration and i was granted custody. Since that time 6 years ago i have met a fair few dads with kids. All i am saying is that you will be heard and given fair access. Dont let the emotional stuff take over. Good luck.

[scoobydoo]

Re: Help needed, thank you

sorry about your problems.

When my sister was in a difficult position regarding a situation where the house she shared was not in her name although she had paid most of the deposit £75000 ( I know she was naive to say the least) she gained a lot of comfort by an initial free 1/2 hour interview with a family law solicitor.

It gave her confidence to face the whole thing a bit more calmly knowing the basics of where she stood and then she could not be "wound up" by lies that were being told to her.

Most solicitors offer this service I think - but they must be family law solicitors - you dont have to instruct them and your ex need not know you have been.

[jskinner]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Hi phil,

It is wise, though, to have a clear understanding of your rights.

I'm in favor with charity.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope things work out well. It is also important to choose a lawyer who specializes in the subject you are experiencing now and educate yourself.

[teaboy2]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Phil if you have proof you were the sole income earner and can prove it from the point of her redundancy i.e. bank statements, then thats what you need to take with you to a lawyer experienced in property law. Showing you were the sole income earner and therefore the one that paid for the mortgage and cars etc, would significantly strenghen your case and increase your chances of winning. Failing that, you could use such proof to sue your ex for every penny you spent.

Am not much use in family law so i will not advise on that, as others here have already given advice on the matter concerning your child. I do feel for you though and i can only imagine how hard it must be for you right now. You will however get all the support you need to help you win this and get access possibly even custody of your child with the help of fellow members here.

Keep us all updated, and get checking those bank statements - As a joint account your name being on the account means you can request those statements from the bank if need be, use a SAR though as thats only £10 where otherwise the bank may charge you £5 each statement. Then take them to the lawyer.

[leclerc]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Phil has not been on the forum since Feb last year. Unfortunately, some thread are reignited when the original problem may or may not have been resolved. This is one of them.

[teaboy2]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Lol Bloody hate it when that happens - Jskinner, its all your fault

[Caspar]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Whichever way you look at it, I think your girlfriend is wrong over the property side of things. I won't go into the child bit as this has been excellently covered above.

If she is saying her house is hers as it's in your name, then the same argument must surely follow through to other property - cars etc......

If things are shared, then this not only applies to cars etc.... but also to houses.

It sounds to me like she is wanting the best of both worlds so she comes out in her ideal position.

Back in the 1980's I was engaged to a girl I loved dearly and we split. I gave her everything, mostly because I was too upset and emotional to fight. If I could have those days again, believe you me I'd find the fight from somewhere. I understand it's very very difficult when your emotions are probably shot to pieces, but you need to try to steel yourself and fight.

[leclerc]

Re: Help needed, thank you

Phil has not been on the forum since Feb last year. Unfortunately, some thread are reignited when the original problem may or may not have been resolved. This is one of them.

Caspar see post