Letter from solicitor warning someone off - is there such a thing?

[paulfoel]

Son is in college living in same flat as his GF. To cut a long story short shes gone off with someone else.

Its been awful. BUT its escalated between them. Her new BF has threatened him - he did the right thing here and reported the threatening message to the college who advised the lad he wasnt allowed within proximity for 60 days. T

There's been the usual demanding of stuff back etc and some childish cutting up of presents and handing them back. Son hasnt been perfect and I told him some of the stuff he did was petty, spiteful, and unnecessary.

The other night he called security because his ex and her friend who battering his door trying to get him to give a painting back she'd done. He stubbornly refused - just give it back I told him.

Anyway, we've got him a move out of the flat on monday to get away from it all.

This weekend though we had a message from his GF mother without giving details that our son had been harrassing her and it was illegal and the police were getting involved. We've sat him down - hes a good kid to be honest. Hes got Aspergers so I can understand sometimes his emotions run away with him but hes an awful liar he always owns up so Im 99.9% sure theres nothing else.

His ex always struck me as not 100% being right in the head, same with this mother. Obvious concern is that some allegations may be made - when they find out hes moved out that won't go down well. He just wants to move out and move on with college to be fair to him.

Is there even a way I can get something basically telling them to stay away from him? Also as a pre-emptive thing on record in case this escalates again?

[atticus]

You really do not want to escalate this.

See my latest in your other thread.

[islandgirl]

Ignore ignore ignore would be my advice! Ask your son to pack everything she may have a claim to in a box and put it somewhere she can collect. Tell her you will not answer any further messages. Same with you and the parents. It is all noise and bluster. Obviously report any threats to the Police / college. It should be taken seriously.

[paulfoel]

You really do not want to escalate this.

See my latest in your other thread.

Well hes moved away from her now so hopefully it'll all calm down.

The pair of them (against my strongly worded advice to him!) did a bit of childish tit for tat of returning presents they'd been given broken or in pieces. Bit disappointed he did that and I've told him this.

I've also told him that he leave whatever joint chat group hes in with her or her friends and stop arguing with them. I've told him his mother and I have helped him out a lot to get this sorted so either he agrees to now let it go or hes on his own.

BUT to be fair to him ,90% of the dealing hes been sensible. They said he was trying to "control them with the house lease situation and threatening them" which is obviously absurd since they ALL signed the lease as equals. He just wants to get it sorted.

Trouble is he still has a friend who lives in the flat and they know they can rant and rave and it'll get back to him. They're talking of calling the police for "domestic abuse" etc. So indirect threats I suppose.

I just feel this young girl and her mother are'nt the most reasonable of people and, if I'm honest, I think both have got a screw loose.

I just wanted to maybe get something on record to say "look hes moved out, please stay away" to pre-empt anything they may cook up between them. One obvious thing - not that they've mentioned it - is always a parents worse nightmare (if you have a son) is the allegation of rape.

Of course, she'd have no basis for such but would be aware that they could cause a LOT of hassle, upset and grief and drag that out for months and months. It happens.

[islandgirl]

It does happen of course and is every parent's worry. However if they have no contact now this could only be a historical allegation as could the "domestic violence" issue. Ignore the "friend" in the house. Tell them you do not want to hear what they are saying as it means nothing. Keep all issues re the house in writing not phone calls. Tell your son to never ever be in a position where he is alone with her (preferably never in the same room/building as her!). I do not see how a solicitor's letter would help but if you want to spend the money the decision is yours.

[paulfoel]

It does happen of course and is every parent's worry. However if they have no contact now this could only be a historical allegation as could the "domestic violence" issue. Ignore the "friend" in the house. Tell them you do not want to hear what they are saying as it means nothing. Keep all issues re the house in writing not phone calls. Tell your son to never ever be in a position where he is alone with her (preferably never in the same room/building as her!). I do not see how a solicitor's letter would help but if you want to spend the money the decision is yours.

Thankfully no contact now so yes I agree there and I'm hoping it all calms down.
I wish son would ignore his friend but, alas, hes concerned if they're talking about him. I've advised him to do as you suggested but I can't force him.

In terms of the solicitors letter, what sort of format could it take and how much are we talking in terms of cost?

I hear what you're saying but I just have this feeling they're not going to drop it just yet if I'm honest. If it makes them even think twice about any potential stupidity then its worth it maybe

[islandgirl]

The obvious answer is ask a solicitor - most give initial consultation free of charge. But a letter will not stop the friend reporting what is said and will not keep them away from him - only a court order can do that and that has to be "necessary and proportionate". I suggest go and ask what could be done and how much it will cost.

[atticus]

The format solicitors' letters usually take is something like :-

1. state who their client is
2. State the reasons for writing (acts complained of etc)
3. State what the addressee is being requested to do, and by when
4. Specify any consequences that will follow for not doing so.

OIbviously this can vary according to the purpose of the letter.

As to cost: agree a fee with the solicitor. Ask him or her!