Abusive relative threatening me with police wellness checks

[Catcabin]

Growing up, I was abused by a relative and moved away as far as I could as soon as I was able. I've done my best to keep contact to a minimum, responding politely to messages (doing less than that means her behaviour escalates).

Since lockdown, her messages have become more frequent and, between being poorly and caring for my partner, I've not been able to keep up. I asked her if she could be a bit patient and explained that I would be slow responding or may not respond at all.

Today, I've had a message giving me a deadline to contact her before she feels she has 'no choice' but to call the police and ask them to check on me. Obviously, that's extra hassle I could do without! Plus it would be a total waste of police time. I've responded (I panicked) with a short message saying I am okay. I'm now worried that this will become her new tactic to get messages etc. when she wants them.

Does anyone have any suggestions for what I could do if this continues going forwards? I'm reluctant to actively take action against her for harassment etc. due to a promise I made to another now deceased relative. I'm sorry if that sounds a bit wet!

[paulajayne]

Sounds like controlling behaviour.

Can you not sever all contact?

[Catcabin]

Yes I agree, she's trying to find a way to control me. I've tried to cut contact in the past, but had pressure put on me by family members, family friends etc. as well as by her. I'm sure I could get an injunction or something, but it would be a massive headache as she's very good at convincing people she's acting in my best interests!

[paulajayne]

Sounds like you need to stand up to her - inform her that you wish NO contact from her (By Text) and then block her number.

Inform family members of what you have done and the reason why. Do this by text as well if it feels better that way.

Stay strong.

[Catcabin]

I think you're right. I can't contact the rest of my family unfortunately (all contact has to be through her unless she asks them to contact me - I don't have their details) so it's going to be a bit of a bumpy ride. Wish me luck!

My main worry at this point is that she'll then try telling the police she's concerned for me or something along those lines. Obviously I can show them that I'm fine, but given her past behaviour I'm a bit worried about what she might tell them. Would it be overcautious to send an email to someone in my local police force to warn them she may be in touch?

[Celestine]

I agree that you should write to your local force to alert them to this dynamic? It may prevent a waste of police time and needless intrusion into your life.