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So my story starts with mental health. I have suffered since I was 12, now 28. I have never been sectioned and have managed to control. T to a certain point. I have eupd, ptsd and depression. This is managed by medication and therapy. I am currently doing emdr therapy weekly at the self referral place local to me. I am meant to see my phsyc every 4-6 months but they seem complacent. The doctor last told me every 5 weeks. When I didn't get my app through I called and they said 4-6 months. While I understand waiting times are long, surely to tell me differnt times etc.. Isn't right.
So, the main issue is here. In AprilÂ*2018Â*I started doing dbt skills group. This was on aÂ*TuesdayÂ*morning and my then 3 year old daughter was at nursery three hours a day in the afternoon. I had asked for her to be swapped to aÂ*TuesdayÂ*morning so I could attend therapy and there was no spaces at that time in the morning to do so. The only person I could get to help have my child was her dad. That's when it kicked off. His answer to having his child while I got better was if he had to do something for me, I had to for him... And that was 'sleeping with him' it was that or not attend therapy. Over the weeks it became bullying and stupid comments. 'oh your so annoying that you won't do anything' 'no point you getting better if you can't go' then the bigger things 'ill tell people you couldn't be bothered and sienna will get taken anyway' and so on. So I felt pressured into getting better but at the same time, I wasn't getting better becuase of all of this adding to my brain.
At the time, I had a fairly big team around me. I had a full mental health team (care Co ordinator, support worker, occupational therapist and phsyciatrist). I also had a pass worker from. Social services which I had asked for to help me with things around my child.
I went to my care Co ordinator about the therapy issue and my ex. She instantly said it was ra**. She alerted the police who told me it sounded more like corecion and duress. I dicided to not push further as by this point a nursery place had come up on the day of therapy in the morning.
I'd done a few weeks of therapy away from my ex etc and eventually found that I was really struggling. I ended up going to my Co ordinator telling her and showing her how I was feeling and coping begging her to see if she could get me and earlier app with the phsych. Each day was the same expect for the last where she told me she didn't know what I expected her to do. She said she didn't want to just call the doc but felt there was nothing else she could offer me. So I walked out feeling worse than before. On the same day I'd also had an app to see my pass worker and told her that at the time, I felt best for little one to go to her dads for a bit while I recover as it wasn't right for her to see me like I was. I was also frightened that I may do something to myself. She called her manager who then arranged with lil ones dad to come collect her for a week or 2. That all happened and we started having taf meetings.
At the first taf meeting, ss requested a mental assessment and letters from phsyc about what was going on. On seeing the doctor about this he just said it was down to working through unwanted emotion etc and that it would pass, it was normal and that I wasn't a threat or anything to child. Ss were happy with that and started little contact sessions for me and little one.
It was suggested that the first contact dad would supervise. This didn't go well. Within 5 minutes he was asking personal questions and getting really close. Asking me to sit on his lap and give him a cuddle. Although I didn't/wouldn't get tk see my child I asked him politely to leave. Even to the point of having the threaten to call the police. So they left. And his idea was to call the social worker telling them that if gone off my head screaming abuse infront of the child, when in hindsight, I asked him to leave due to making me feel uncomfortable and asking questions in a pressuring tone. This then made the contact stop until next taf meeting where I was not listened too, blamed for going off my head when that never happened and warned contact night be permently stopped. Contact then continued to unsupervised visits, yes.. Confusing.
So I then had 2 unsupervised visits with my lil one. Both went well. I was telling my little one about me possibly driving soon as I was close to doing my test. I'd booked it by the second contact so told her mummy's test is coming up. As kids do, she must have gone back and told daddy. Which is absolutely fine. It's not a private thing and she was excited when I told her about it. Suddenly, contact stopped again becuase I'd apparently told her things that I shouldn't have, although he 'couldn't remember what it was' which was strange. Again contact was stopped until next taf meeting where I wasn't listened to and blamed. Then, contact went to over night stays every other weekend fromÂ*FridayÂ*after school toÂ*SundayÂ*afternoon. I was happy with this. It meant that although she want home, I still saw my daughter for a good amount of time, I could focus on recovery and get a job In order to pay for her and do things with her etc.
By this point, I'd been in my relationship for 2.5 years. We had a long distance thing so we were looking at residing together. The plan was for me to go and stay with him, but keep my house for a few months just incase it didn't work out. It also meant I'd still have somewhere to take lil one on contact weekends ( after giving house up I'd book bnbs and stay there or something as I don't agree with showing her new partner. She has 2 loving parents. Yes the. Ore the merrier but my brain isn't there yet).
I think I had 3 food contacts before expmaing to lil ones dad that in 6 weeks (3 contact weekends) I would be moving and we would need to discuss and arrange contact times for the first 2 weeks of me being there so I could work out what times I get here (reasonable times for little one). This got ignored. So on every contact I would remind him hoping to get an adult conversation out of it. But always ignored. It got to the last contact weekend before I was due to go (I'd worked out that I'd go theÂ*MondayÂ*after that contact settle in for two weeks before coming to see her again) and reminded him next time I was due to see her we needed to talk times. He got the hump and instantly pulled little one out and walked off.
From this, about 5 minutes later I had a text stating that I would not be seeing her again becuase I'd emotionally abused her and he was going through court. I was shocked.
Everytime she's come to see me, in pick up times he shows no stability in giving her the emotional needs she deserves. She gets extremely upset and screams and cries and tried to reach out and grab me when he swoops her up. It's like he sees it as she shouldn't be upset and ignored it all. She wants to see me more and if that can't happen she needs more mental support and understanding from both parents not just one.
So I await court papers, mediation which I tried to get sorted was out of the question as I'd apparently abused my child so it needed to go straight to court. Also on the court forms were that I was aprently on drugs but he had no proof.
Eventually court started and becuase of the nature of it and my illness, I had no support, I got quite upset so it went to another date. Also at the first hearing dad got told he needed to update me on child every 2 weeks via text. He never stuck to this so I ended up texti g him every 17 days to remind and prompt him saying 'how is sienna' and can I have an update. Everytime he ran back to court saying id text him harrasing him but never proved anything.
At the next court date I was granted two supervised visits with the social worker to a play center which both went well and both had positive outcome. It was also suggested that the issue was between the parents and not around the child.
So we had our final hearing yesterday. I was granted supervised contact every three weeks becuase as the judge said, I'm aprently a risk to my child and its in her best interest. Every time I tried to question something or ask about something to understand it, is get shut down. At the end the judge shouted for everyone to get out.
The other thing that winds me up is, lil ones dad has a gf, which is fine I'm happy for him, but during the whole court process i had been told by social worker that his gf had grabbed her leaving bruises up her arm.Â* When questioned the social were not happy with the answers so put it down to abuse and physical harm. Baring in mind they had only been together 6 months and he was already leaving kid with her. Now she's allowed supervised contact with my child when ever she wants and I'm hardly allowed any when I've done nothing but try and ask for help to give her a better mother. His previous girlfriend (the one he left for this women) was more or less the same. Would apparently stay in bed while he was out at work leaving his kids there with her. (he has 2 others he sees every other weekend) so he hasn't got a good track record with the people he chooses to have around the kids.
I still have not received the care I need. I feel I'm back to the level I was when I sent her to her dad's. I'm now a week away from being homeless (eviction is going through), the council won't help me due to not having kids and not coming out of hospital. My relationship suffered becuase of all the crap and stress and we are no longer together. I can't see my child and I do not understand why. I'm still not being updated as I should. And my child's suffering. What do I do!!!!Â*
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