What do I do?

[Ninja77]

My partner and I never married, have 3 kids together 1, 3 and 8yrs. We split and I now live back with my sister an hour away. My ex has been difficult in letting me see the kids and I now see them every other weekend, making the timings on pick up and drop off very difficult for me considering the 2hr round trip I have to make each time.

I'm paying half the mortgage on the house we both bought, that I no longer live in and £600 maintenance for the children. I also pay for additional things they need and pay for them when I have them.

My oldest is suffering with it, as well as losing both grandparents and an auntie in a short space of time, something my ex has no consideration for and doesn't put the kids first. No seeing them kills me.

I tried mediation 3 times, I had to pay for cause she refused. She gets loads in benefits, money from me and half the house is paid for and refuses to work. The mediation broke down as she wouldn't budge on anything.

With everything I pay for I can't afford to take her to court, nor do I qualify for legal aid...so where can I go from here? I need something official that she has to abide by and I can't sustain the money I'm paying out to her, and have a hope of buying a house for myself and the children. I'm getting hammered while she is sitting pretty and using the kids to boot.

please help...

[Captain Haddock]

There's no incentive for such a person to work, even if the could.

One thing I will ask you to keep doing: keep paying a reasonable amount of support to the children, and keep a record of that! The last thing you ever want, trust me, is the Child Support Agency on your back.

With that out of the way, it's time to look at your own situation, your own well being. The time may come when you will have to make a decision on that mortgage your are paying towards if your are 'getting hammered', as you say. Don't leave yourself penniless at the expense of your Ex!

[Ninja77]

Thank you, I would never stop support for my children...I love them to bits and they would be the ones to suffer.

I feel just lost, stuck in a sort of limbo. I've tried my best, mediation didn't work and I can't afford court - so what do I do? This can't go on, her demands, her rules, everything her way. I need something official that she needs to abide by. But what options do I have?

[Captain Haddock]

Well, you could ask her to consider selling the house, downsizing, whatever. Your last option would be to stop paying your contribution to the mortgage but I wouldn't advocate that at this stage.