Nai..cpp my past being used agaisnt me, feeling low and depressed now!

[Sezy2017]

Hello who ever is reading..

I thought I would come to another forum for some advice & support regarding my messy situation so I met my partner in 2014 and during my court proceedings with my eldest child over custody it emerged my now ex had a finding made agaisnt him I refused to belivee this because I was not show evidence just there word so I decided to stay with this man in secret and enjoy my contact with my child who lives with dad

I separated the two and he would go away when I had my son....

fast forward to now well I found out I was pregnant at the start of the year ss only got involved because I explained my son lives with dad and I have over night contact a worker come to meet me to do a pre birth assesment that was never completed.... But I told him everything

me and my now ex decided to separate I pushed him away as I felt his past could affect our child and obviously he would need to be assessed ect so I explained this to the worker who said don't push him away allow him to be involved I also told him about his past so that he had a clear picture of what action or steps we needed to take it felt so good being honest and he was brilliant it felt like he saw the good in us both and worked with us for 7 months my son was born in Sep

my partner was living with me we got everything ready things were going great he was about to sign us of with no concerns until 2 weeks later he vanished and a new worker got involved he never put in my initial assesment about partners past but they have blamed this on me like i should class him as a risk how can you class someone as a risk when during the relationship he has been great....

I met these women 2 times first she lied and said there was no paperwork by previous worker she came again and asked my partner to leave and he has not been home since he has been allowed supervised contact and then they written an assesment on me after visiting me 2 times saying all this rubbish about how I'm a really bad parent basicly reading history and speculating about me

I finnaly was able to see the judgement well I was read the judgment where it said he was more likely to be the perp my head is all over the place because of how this has all been handled they say I have minimilised the risk yet I have done everything asked of me and so has he they made out we were a really agressive couple and my son was at risk of physical abuse because of dads past and could be subject to arguments and violence when we have not been like that we have had 2 incidents 2 years ago which were verbal and that's it....

I am so mad and upset yes I will protect my child but at the same time I do want us to be a family and I am to scared to say that incase they take baby there making out he could just snap at any moment trying to turn me agaisnt him and I have cut him off but I do feel this could have been managed alot better he is not the person they are portraying him to be he swears he is innocent but that is his issue I was just hoping they would give him the chance to prove himself and with no help or support I feel I have to do as I am told or I will be failing to protect my son is 3 months old now and has been safe when he lived here and safe when he hasnt been here they are giving me the choice to stop contact if I want to because I have heard the judgement but deep down I did want us to be a family

I wanted him to be risk assessd and do courses to prove he is no longer a risk but I don't know my rights or anything it just does not seem fair I know they have a job to do but so do I and I have kept my son safe his dad was brilliant with him despite his past has anyone been through a similar thing I don't want my son not to have a father but I also don't want to make a silly move and have him taken away there giving me no support there lying about me and it is really starting to wind me up there making out I am.a victem but I am far from it I stood up to my abusive ex and kicked him out and then met this.man who has been by rock he does look like he has a bad past with other women but this was when he was younger I can only go off the person he has been since he met me I've had him around so many children who have grown to class him as family and it's all so heartbreaking

[Peridot]

Re: Nai..cpp my past being used agaisnt me, feeling low and depressed now!

Hi sezy2017,

A really difficult situation for you. It is tough walking the line so to speak, but good you are following the social workers recommendations at the moment. You obviously understand the serious risks of not doing so, but want to get the situation sorted out.

You really need to get some face to face advice on this from a child care specialist. It may be that you need to continue jumping through the hoops with the hope that your partner is able to prove himself in time. As I’m sure you’re aware it is all about protecting the child where these situations are concerned.

Reports on the parties and anger management assessments are possible but persuading the Court this is justified can be hard. Of course the previous judgment is going to be very significant in this.
Your child’s father needs to maintain the supervised contact and also jump through any hoops that are suggested in order to show he can do what the LA believes is appropriate in the situation.

I’m sorry there is no quick fix for these situations, get some face to face legal advice from a child specialist lawyer. Take any paperwork you have with you and try and write a timeline of the events to help. Try and stay calm and measured in dealings with lawyers and of course the local authority, in spite of the frustration. You don’t want to give anyone any ammunition to use.

[Sezy2017]

Re: Nai..cpp my past being used agaisnt me, feeling low and depressed now!

I think what annoys me is they expect me to class him as a risk which I am doing but then once he has been risk assessed im supposed to just switch back to oh okay now a peice of paper says he isn't a risk so he isn't a risk it all seems a little backwards to me. I'm upset that the first social worker said everything was fine he had no concerns and now there are involved they do. I am following everything because I do not want to loose my child that would be the worst thing. Also now I have read this judgment I have to safeguard my son which I am doing and dad is also easy to work with because he will stay away although his past doesn't look like he would I know through being with him for 4 years that he is a good person and he needs to prove that now.

What is upsetting is we was a family for 7 weeks. He helped me and was great with our son. They have told me they want me to end the relationship and it has to be my choice but I already know I don't have a choice. If I refused to end the relationship they would say I would be putting my son at risk and I do not want to be labbeled that type of paremt I want to prove I can protect my son. He lives with us for 7 weeks and we had no issues. When baby was I'll we both acted as we should have and took him to a&e he was fine but we were worried and took those appropriate steps.

Under no circunstances would I reshulme the relationship if he stayed a risk. But I am hopeful that if he passed his assesments and does courses like they say he will be doing then I could possibly get back the family I lost because then the risk would have been assessed. But I am to scared to tell them that so it's a waiting game would I be allowed to do that though? Is that a possibility atall? Only if he was risk assessed and passed would I consider getting back together. Because us as a couple were good until all this started and I would prefer to raise my son with with mum and dad then as a single parent because we were a good family unit. Thank you for your reply.

[Peridot]

Re: Nai..cpp my past being used agaisnt me, feeling low and depressed now!

It is so difficult, but you are doing the right thing. Your partner’s assessment will hopefully go well and you can move on. In the bigger scheme if he is the right person then you’ll both jump through the hoops and things will work out. There will be difficult times ahead. Hold on in there and enjoy your children.