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Hi everyone,
I really do have a great big mess and have no idea what to do now.
I will try and keep the history brief.
I have a 5yr old daughter, myself and her father split when she was 3 months old due to him cheating. During the split there was violence in front of the baby and he was cautioned with Assault by Battery.
Until she was about 3yrs old he had regular contact agreed between us. Initially he came to my house to see her, as she got older he took her to his Mums and then progressed to having her Sat & Sun, sleeping over Saturday at his house.
In that time he has a new girlfriend who has 2 of her own children and they have 1 together, they all live together. I have a new partner too and we also have a child together.
We had a lot of disagreements in the 5yrs, we do not have the same standard of parenting. He very much leaves the children with whoever will look after them and just likes to be present but not do anything. He doesnt take our daughter out anywhere, their house is filthy and really not a nice environment, they smoke in the house and in the car, he refuses point blank to pay child maintenance, he is in debt and has baliffs chasing him for things, the girlfriends children are not children i would chose for my daughter to mix with, not their fault but they swear, have nits and are dirty, they were involved with Social Services before for screaming in the middle of the night and for smearing poo up the walls in the bedroom...
In January this year we moved 200 miles away. This was not a surprise move and was always on the cards since before my children were born. My ex took me to Court to ask them to stop me from moving. The Court did not stop me going and instead said that we need to return to court to work out access.
We had 3 court hearings, the issues we were arguing over is that he wants more access and I want less purely because I dont think its good for a 5yr old child to be going up and down the motorway so much and I do not beleive his home is a safe environment. I have however invited him to see our daughter as much as he likes up where we live, days out etc.
There is currently a Court order giving him half of School Holidays and every other weekend but she much sleep at his Mums house.
The very first visit he broke this, he had our daughter sleep at his house and had her sleep in the basement without any ventilation, fire escape etc, it stinks of damp down there and isnt a habitable room. He had her for a 2 week holiday and she was not allowed to ring me. He promised her lots of activities to keep her there and did none of them. She came back after the 2 weeks absolutely traumatised. She was riddled with nits, very tired, crying, clinging to me, talking all about how she was left with the girlfriend as he went off to work, she didnt do any of the things he said they would, she wasnt allowed to call us, she was adamant she wants going back and to be honest i dont blame her!
I emailed him and told him what she had said and how upset she is. I said I cant let that carry on as she is emotionally traumatised and that is not good for her. I said the 2 weeks was too long and she really doesnt want to go back. I asked him to come and meet me to discuss what we can do to help her and what needs to be changed.... he then ignored me for 3 months and refused to come and meet me to discuss.
So now we are up to date. We have heard nothing from him for 3 months, now he emails asking to meet. So what do i do now?
Should i take my daughter? I dont want her manipulated as he is very intimidating and she is scared to tell him what she wants to tell him. I obviously dont want her subjected to seeing the 2 of us disagreeing and I know we will disagree, he wants the contact to resume every 2 weeks and my daughter doesnt want that and I feel things need to change.
Is meeting to discuss the best thing given that I know we will not be able to agree? Should I instead ask to go to Mediation?
There was a CAFCASS report done during the court process and it was recommended that she doesnt go to his house until a home check is done but he refuses to abide by that. I cant afford to take him to court myself to enforce this.
I also have another issue that I have developed disabilities that have now been diagnosed and I am no longer able to drive therefore I cannot do the half way meeting as before. He will not take this well. What will happen about this?
I really do have a great big mess and have no idea what to do now.
I will try and keep the history brief.
I have a 5yr old daughter, myself and her father split when she was 3 months old due to him cheating. During the split there was violence in front of the baby and he was cautioned with Assault by Battery.
Until she was about 3yrs old he had regular contact agreed between us. Initially he came to my house to see her, as she got older he took her to his Mums and then progressed to having her Sat & Sun, sleeping over Saturday at his house.
In that time he has a new girlfriend who has 2 of her own children and they have 1 together, they all live together. I have a new partner too and we also have a child together.
We had a lot of disagreements in the 5yrs, we do not have the same standard of parenting. He very much leaves the children with whoever will look after them and just likes to be present but not do anything. He doesnt take our daughter out anywhere, their house is filthy and really not a nice environment, they smoke in the house and in the car, he refuses point blank to pay child maintenance, he is in debt and has baliffs chasing him for things, the girlfriends children are not children i would chose for my daughter to mix with, not their fault but they swear, have nits and are dirty, they were involved with Social Services before for screaming in the middle of the night and for smearing poo up the walls in the bedroom...
In January this year we moved 200 miles away. This was not a surprise move and was always on the cards since before my children were born. My ex took me to Court to ask them to stop me from moving. The Court did not stop me going and instead said that we need to return to court to work out access.
We had 3 court hearings, the issues we were arguing over is that he wants more access and I want less purely because I dont think its good for a 5yr old child to be going up and down the motorway so much and I do not beleive his home is a safe environment. I have however invited him to see our daughter as much as he likes up where we live, days out etc.
There is currently a Court order giving him half of School Holidays and every other weekend but she much sleep at his Mums house.
The very first visit he broke this, he had our daughter sleep at his house and had her sleep in the basement without any ventilation, fire escape etc, it stinks of damp down there and isnt a habitable room. He had her for a 2 week holiday and she was not allowed to ring me. He promised her lots of activities to keep her there and did none of them. She came back after the 2 weeks absolutely traumatised. She was riddled with nits, very tired, crying, clinging to me, talking all about how she was left with the girlfriend as he went off to work, she didnt do any of the things he said they would, she wasnt allowed to call us, she was adamant she wants going back and to be honest i dont blame her!
I emailed him and told him what she had said and how upset she is. I said I cant let that carry on as she is emotionally traumatised and that is not good for her. I said the 2 weeks was too long and she really doesnt want to go back. I asked him to come and meet me to discuss what we can do to help her and what needs to be changed.... he then ignored me for 3 months and refused to come and meet me to discuss.
So now we are up to date. We have heard nothing from him for 3 months, now he emails asking to meet. So what do i do now?
Should i take my daughter? I dont want her manipulated as he is very intimidating and she is scared to tell him what she wants to tell him. I obviously dont want her subjected to seeing the 2 of us disagreeing and I know we will disagree, he wants the contact to resume every 2 weeks and my daughter doesnt want that and I feel things need to change.
Is meeting to discuss the best thing given that I know we will not be able to agree? Should I instead ask to go to Mediation?
There was a CAFCASS report done during the court process and it was recommended that she doesnt go to his house until a home check is done but he refuses to abide by that. I cant afford to take him to court myself to enforce this.
I also have another issue that I have developed disabilities that have now been diagnosed and I am no longer able to drive therefore I cannot do the half way meeting as before. He will not take this well. What will happen about this?
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