Biological Father collecting and dropping off

[chil]

Hi all,

Just a quick question which I can go into more detail if needed. Is it unfair to ask a biological father to pick their son up for their fortnightly contact from the town where his child lives' train station and drop him back off there the next day at the end of contact? (Obviously the parent with care would be meeting at the station for handover).

Thanks in advance

[Kati]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

I don't see that as a hardship myself ... but [MENTION=6]Amethyst[/MENTION] [MENTION=39710]des8[/MENTION] [MENTION=2]Celestine[/MENTION] [MENTION=85500]Peridot[/MENTION] might have better ideas of the legalities (I've tagged them) xx

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how old is the child??

[chil]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

I don't see that as a hardship myself ... but @Amethyst @des8 @Celestine @Peridot might have better ideas of the legalities (I've tagged them) xx

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how old is the child??

That's what we thought. The child is 8, but as the drop off is on a Sunday it is better for him to be dropped off at home station so that he can get homework done and ready for bed as school the next day. Currently we are having to take our younger son with us on a 40 minute journey to pick his brother up then 40 minutes back; it's too much as both of them have school the next day.

[des8]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

Not knowing the biological father's situation it would be invidious to make any comments about what is or is not reasonable.
Has anyone asked him to change the arrangement?
Could it be changed so that one takes and the other returns the child to respective dwellings: or meet halfway?

It would be better for the child IMO if there is no obvious conflict or problem in seeing to his needs.
He should not be in a position where he feels (rightly or wrongly) that he is causing problems.

[chil]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

Not knowing the biological father's situation it would be invidious to make any comments about what is or is not reasonable.
Has anyone asked him to change the arrangement?
Could it be changed so that one takes and the other returns the child to respective dwellings: or meet halfway?

It would be better for the child IMO if there is no obvious conflict or problem in seeing to his needs.
He should not be in a position where he feels (rightly or wrongly) that he is causing problems.

He has a well paid job, so money is not the issue as far as travelling is concerned. He has no other children to worry about, only getting himself back on the train ( we have a 6 year old that we are having to take with us back and forth which is an issue because of evening meal and school the next day)
I have two daughters that are older now but I would travel 90 miles every other weekend to see them, I really can't see the issue with him travelling the extra stops.

[des8]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

Perhaps there are problems for him catching return trains?
As mentioned previously, we do not know the father's side.

Presumably there is a contact order in place: does this stipulate arrangements for collection and delivery?

[chil]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

Perhaps there are problems for him catching return trains?
As mentioned previously, we do not know the father's side.

Presumably there is a contact order in place: does this stipulate arrangements for collection and delivery?

There is no contact order in place and he doesn't even have PR (All he has to do is apply for it, which is what he said he would do in court over a year and a half ago). He says that it helps us out so we don't have to go and pick our boy up from his place; it's HIS contact time though so he should really do the leg work if he wants to see him.
I had to travel 90 miles each way to see my daughters once a fortnight which I didn't mind doing because I wanted to see them. I did this for 7 years without fail because that's what fathers should do.
I have PR for my step-son as I have been with his mother since she was 4 months pregnant. His bio dad has been in and out of his life since he was 9 months old. He didn't see him for 8 weeks as he had weddings to go to recently which has really affected the lad (he has ASD).
As far as I am concerned, he is my son as much as my other boy and would do anything for him. What bothers us is that this guy has no other dependents and only has to do the trip once a fortnight; surely it's not too much to ask that he does the full trip?
Sorry to sound off but it frustrates the he'll out of me when I have been the parent without care (my 2 daughters) and I had to constantly jump through hoops. This guy seems to get anything he wants even when it went to court.
Thanks for everyone's responses.

[Amethyst]

Re: Biological Father collecting and dropping off

Have you checked on train times for both journeys ? Could be he'd have to hang about at the station for an hour to get a return train.
Might need to be some compromises to make it work long term. The Dad could pick up via the train on the Saturday morning ( or Friday night?) when they run a bit more regularly than Sundays, and presumably you/your partner drives? Maybe one of you could travel down to collect your stepson on the sunday evening and leave the other parent and other child at home? Then you'd only have one round trip a fortnight. Could ensure collection is a little earlier to ensure you can get him home in time for homework and bed - say pick up at 5pm?

I do understand how difficult it is when the parents live so far apart, we live 50 mins drive from my OH's kids, and my kids Dad lives an hour & half drive ( in the opposite direction )... took us a fair while to figure it all out so everyone was happy.

Re PR - is he not on the child's birth certificate ?