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Need some advice please..

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  • #1

    Need some advice please..

    Hi,
    I'm just looking for some advice regarding a situation please..I'm 27 & female BTW.
    Three years ago I started working as a support worker in a drop in centre for people with substance misuse issues.Whilst employed there for a year and a half,a few people that I knew of (through friends of friends as its a very small town) called in and out.Whilst there I had completely professional relationship s with the people that used the service even though I knew some of them in a personal capacity.
    I left that job and had a 4month employment break before starting my new job as a drug and alcohol worker for another service in the same town.During that time my close friend entered into a relationship with a male,some of his friends I knew from the drop in centre (although they weren't accessing that service anymore). One male in particularly I got on well with and we talked on social media sites but nothing more..When I started my new job as a drug and alcohol worker I made my boss aware that I knew some people in a personal capacity and that I did talk to them outside of work and she understood.
    Around 8 months ago this male (who is the same age as me) had a lapse and came into service (though not with my team) so I made my boss aware that I knew him personally.As he was involved with a different team I didn't see him or deal with him in any way.He did really well,managed to sort life out and moved to Spain to get away for 6months.We had some contact within that time and I checked how he was but that's it..last week he moved back to see his family and has asked to spend time with me..he said that he likes me and want to take me out.I'm not sure where I stand here so some advice would be great..thanks
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  • #2
    Re: Need some advice please..

    You need to notify your Manager immediately off this guys attraction towards you. Personally you have your career to think about, whilst he may have sorted himself out, you don't know that for certain. Hes been living in Spain so whose to know if hes back on the drinks/drugs again. Its to big a risk for you to get involved in - Tell him you think hes a lovely guy but your not interested in anything more than friendship!

    There was a similar thread to this a while ago, where the lady had been involved in a relationship between working in drop in centres, where the later became a patient at the later drop in centre (though the relationship had ended before she started their) - He made things very difficult for her, to the point the ladies manager became concerned for her safety and even the police were involved, due to the unhealthy interested he developed for her.

    You have probably been there to listen to this guy and the guy feels like you were his shoulder to cry on or person he could truly talk too and that you had feelings for him as a result.
    Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

    By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

    If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

    I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

    The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Need some advice please..

      I guess what I failed to mention in my last post was that I have feelings towards him too...In all,I've known him for a period of around 4years (mostly on a personal basis due to friends of friends outside of work) As I say,during this time we have been nothing more than just friends as I think we both knew the boundaries that we couldn't cross. It was a little awkward when I knew that he had lapsed and come into service but I told my employers I knew him personally and I didn't see him as he was working with another team..I know that he is now clean as I know family members of his and we have mutual friends,so everybody keeps an eye out for him..I just don't really know where I stand in all of this and what to do/who to tell.. I'm really confused.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Need some advice please..

        Originally posted by Anon88 View Post
        I guess what I failed to mention in my last post was that I have feelings towards him too...In all,I've known him for a period of around 4years (mostly on a personal basis due to friends of friends outside of work) As I say,during this time we have been nothing more than just friends as I think we both knew the boundaries that we couldn't cross. It was a little awkward when I knew that he had lapsed and come into service but I told my employers I knew him personally and I didn't see him as he was working with another team..I know that he is now clean as I know family members of his and we have mutual friends,so everybody keeps an eye out for him..I just don't really know where I stand in all of this and what to do/who to tell.. I'm really confused.
        Well your employers can not stop you having relationships with people outside of work obviously, so long as its not one of your patients or a patient of the drop in centre. Basically if he were to relapse and attended the same drop in centre, it would create a conflict of interest in regards to your working there and/or problems for you in regards to your employment, even if hes not your patient. So he would have to go to a different clinic if he was to relapse. Though the best person to speak to would be your manager, but don't say about any of this. Just ask hypothetically, what would happen in such situations. if they ask why your asking, just say a friend asked you and you realised you didn't actually know, and last thing you wanted was to, in the future, find yourself in such a situation not knowing before hand what if any implications their would be if any! At end of the day, know matter who you enter in a relationship with, there is always the chance they develop drinking or drug problems without your knowing and end up being referred to the clinic, though they would probably ask to go to another clinic is they were hiding their problems from you!
        Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

        By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

        If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

        I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

        The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Need some advice please..

          No,he is no longer accessing the drop in centre in which I used to work,nor is he accessing the service of which I work for now - and hasn't done so for 8months..Even when he was he was never my client or a client of my teams.He was working with another team so I never saw him.I just don't want to be crossing any boundaries or get into any trouble professionally - that's what I'm worried about.x

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Need some advice please..

            That's why you need to have an informal and hypothetical chat with your manager as he/she will know the answer! All we can advise on here is matters related to employment laws, not code of conduct related to your profession or ethics etc etc, though we will still try and help best we can obviously.

            Another suggestion though would be to ask your regulatory body or union if your member - That way you wouldn't need to speak with your manager.
            Please note that this advice is given informally, without liability and without prejudice. Always seek the advice of an insured qualified professional. All my legal and nonlegal knowledge comes from either here (LB),my own personal research and experience and/or as the result of necessity as an Employer and Businessman.

            By using my advice in any form, you agreed to waive all rights to hold myself or any persons representing myself of any liability.

            If you PM me, make sure to include a link to your thread as I don't give out advice in private. All PMs that are sent in missuse (including but not limited to phishing, spam) of the PM application and/or PMs that are threatening or abusive will be reported to the Site Team and if necessary to the police and/or relevant Authority.

            I AM SO GOING TO GET BANNED BY CEL FOR POSTING terrible humour POSTS.

            The Governess; 6th March 2012 GRRRRRR

            Comment

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