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Hi
I am currently in a sticky situation with my employer and want to know where I stand. I'm basically being asked to resolve a personal issue that I do not want to resolve, or will have to leave the company.
To begin with let's 're wind back to a year ago.
12 months ago - my mother's partner who is the director of the company and I work together - all is well
11 months ago - my mother joins the company , working 2 days a week for 4 hours a day. I am full time.
10 months ago - my partner becomes pregnant - despite being told she could never have kids due to poly cistic overies
9 months ago - my mother and her partner own at house, but rent it put. At this tome my partner and I are renting it from them. I spawn a discussion regarding the longevity of the contract. My mother admits that they want to move back in but managed to secure us another property to rent from.
6 months ago - me and my partner are all set to move. I receive a call from my mother asking if we can move in a month later because the estate agent had requested so. My response was no because I'd booked time off work and already packed. She did not like that response and got personnel " your attitude stinks its always all about you etc". My brother and I grew up in a unhappy/unstable household, she's been telling me the same thing since I was 10 years old and I've learnt its just a projection of her own feelings. I broke down at work after this conversation. I called her back afterward to tell her exactly how I felt about her. It included "you've been a bad mom". My therapist agrees on this btw. She latched onto that and did not speak to me for two weeks.
5.75 months ago - I receive a call from my moms partner the director. He basically tells us that I've really upset my mom, and that whatever issues I had as a child I was making up. He then went onto say we shouldn't be having kids at 25, not to bite the hand that feeds you and a raft of other insults.
5.5 months ago - I began to liaise with the estate agent directly. They explained the situation and I said at best 6 days. My mother had originally said a month. They were fine with this and thanked me for giving them something. A few days later I get a text out the blue from my moms partner (the director) saying he has cancelled the house - I didn't get a reason. This caused me to break down at work.
I subsequently received a call from the director that I should find somewhere else to live and pay 2 months rent. This was at the time I needed their support the most. In the end we ended up living at my partners parents.
3 months ago - so there is no talking to each other at work between the director and o even though I've been saying hello he has just been ignoring me. At this point they were moving into their house as planned. The day after they start applying pressure to resolve things, but no chance of a sorry clearly indicating that they are innocent and start playing the victims. My response has always been the same... I don't trust you but I am willing to ove forward bit I need to see that you respect my opinion and if I am to let you into my life again. Basically willing to forgive. So long as they gave me time to get over my emotional hatrid towards them. They never gave me that time constantly applying pressure to come around and play happy families, using other people's feelings as a way of blackmailing me, and using my job against me.
1 month ago - my child is born. I go ahead and ring my mom on the day she was born. The conversation went ok and I said I would be in touch but I need you to understand that this not going to be straightforward for me.
3 weeks ago - I get a text from the director asking if they can come round. As if I am willing to let them in so easily. At this point my hate is rife still. But still I ring my mom and say I'll meet up with her first. She agrees and we agree on a date. She is happy with this.
2 weeks ago - I see her in work a few days before we are due to meet. It's like she is a different person. She comes over to me with a look of disgust and tells me she doesn't want to see any photos and tp let her know what time I want to meet because everyone is apparently waiting on me. At this point I'm thinking ffs again all about her the story of my life. I wait outside in the car park and say you are clearly not ready we will we arrange in this time. This ends up causing a huge argument. What got me angry is that apparently everyone is !!!!!ing about my partner at work - which is nuts because nobody knows her !! She didn't understand why I am so upset and don't trust her. I told her about how I used to constantly cry myself to sleep as a child when she and her partner (the director ) used to argue for weeks on end. I told her I hated life as a child. Her response to this was," you are wrong you shoidlnt of felt like that " to which I said "I was a child I knew nothin but my feelings " to which she said "good luck with your child see how you do "... So Yeh..
Friday - I am asked to me my boss whom is also a director at a pub. I meet him and he talks about the situstion. He says he has been having conversations with the bad director. He tries to act as a physcologist. I trust this guy more than anyone so I let him continue. The bad director has basically been going around making me look like a bad person for not sorting things out with my mom. Therefore by his logic any work I do for the company has a negative twist to it becsue the way people perceive me. Which me being me had no response for, I don't know if this is right. I've been the top employee for the last few years, winning days out etc for it. My reputation is top notch due to my work ethic. Apparently I am now digging myself a hole and throwing my repustion into it because I look like a bad person because the diector is talking about me in a negative way. Therefore as the director is a director , and my mother is the partner of the director I am the expendable one. Despite me being top employee and her working 8 hours a week doing sweet fa. So basically I have been given the choice of making up with them or leaving.
That's where I am aplogogies for the length and spelling !
I am currently in a sticky situation with my employer and want to know where I stand. I'm basically being asked to resolve a personal issue that I do not want to resolve, or will have to leave the company.
To begin with let's 're wind back to a year ago.
12 months ago - my mother's partner who is the director of the company and I work together - all is well
11 months ago - my mother joins the company , working 2 days a week for 4 hours a day. I am full time.
10 months ago - my partner becomes pregnant - despite being told she could never have kids due to poly cistic overies
9 months ago - my mother and her partner own at house, but rent it put. At this tome my partner and I are renting it from them. I spawn a discussion regarding the longevity of the contract. My mother admits that they want to move back in but managed to secure us another property to rent from.
6 months ago - me and my partner are all set to move. I receive a call from my mother asking if we can move in a month later because the estate agent had requested so. My response was no because I'd booked time off work and already packed. She did not like that response and got personnel " your attitude stinks its always all about you etc". My brother and I grew up in a unhappy/unstable household, she's been telling me the same thing since I was 10 years old and I've learnt its just a projection of her own feelings. I broke down at work after this conversation. I called her back afterward to tell her exactly how I felt about her. It included "you've been a bad mom". My therapist agrees on this btw. She latched onto that and did not speak to me for two weeks.
5.75 months ago - I receive a call from my moms partner the director. He basically tells us that I've really upset my mom, and that whatever issues I had as a child I was making up. He then went onto say we shouldn't be having kids at 25, not to bite the hand that feeds you and a raft of other insults.
5.5 months ago - I began to liaise with the estate agent directly. They explained the situation and I said at best 6 days. My mother had originally said a month. They were fine with this and thanked me for giving them something. A few days later I get a text out the blue from my moms partner (the director) saying he has cancelled the house - I didn't get a reason. This caused me to break down at work.
I subsequently received a call from the director that I should find somewhere else to live and pay 2 months rent. This was at the time I needed their support the most. In the end we ended up living at my partners parents.
3 months ago - so there is no talking to each other at work between the director and o even though I've been saying hello he has just been ignoring me. At this point they were moving into their house as planned. The day after they start applying pressure to resolve things, but no chance of a sorry clearly indicating that they are innocent and start playing the victims. My response has always been the same... I don't trust you but I am willing to ove forward bit I need to see that you respect my opinion and if I am to let you into my life again. Basically willing to forgive. So long as they gave me time to get over my emotional hatrid towards them. They never gave me that time constantly applying pressure to come around and play happy families, using other people's feelings as a way of blackmailing me, and using my job against me.
1 month ago - my child is born. I go ahead and ring my mom on the day she was born. The conversation went ok and I said I would be in touch but I need you to understand that this not going to be straightforward for me.
3 weeks ago - I get a text from the director asking if they can come round. As if I am willing to let them in so easily. At this point my hate is rife still. But still I ring my mom and say I'll meet up with her first. She agrees and we agree on a date. She is happy with this.
2 weeks ago - I see her in work a few days before we are due to meet. It's like she is a different person. She comes over to me with a look of disgust and tells me she doesn't want to see any photos and tp let her know what time I want to meet because everyone is apparently waiting on me. At this point I'm thinking ffs again all about her the story of my life. I wait outside in the car park and say you are clearly not ready we will we arrange in this time. This ends up causing a huge argument. What got me angry is that apparently everyone is !!!!!ing about my partner at work - which is nuts because nobody knows her !! She didn't understand why I am so upset and don't trust her. I told her about how I used to constantly cry myself to sleep as a child when she and her partner (the director ) used to argue for weeks on end. I told her I hated life as a child. Her response to this was," you are wrong you shoidlnt of felt like that " to which I said "I was a child I knew nothin but my feelings " to which she said "good luck with your child see how you do "... So Yeh..
Friday - I am asked to me my boss whom is also a director at a pub. I meet him and he talks about the situstion. He says he has been having conversations with the bad director. He tries to act as a physcologist. I trust this guy more than anyone so I let him continue. The bad director has basically been going around making me look like a bad person for not sorting things out with my mom. Therefore by his logic any work I do for the company has a negative twist to it becsue the way people perceive me. Which me being me had no response for, I don't know if this is right. I've been the top employee for the last few years, winning days out etc for it. My reputation is top notch due to my work ethic. Apparently I am now digging myself a hole and throwing my repustion into it because I look like a bad person because the diector is talking about me in a negative way. Therefore as the director is a director , and my mother is the partner of the director I am the expendable one. Despite me being top employee and her working 8 hours a week doing sweet fa. So basically I have been given the choice of making up with them or leaving.
That's where I am aplogogies for the length and spelling !
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