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I apologise in advance if this is not the best place or forum to ask such a question, in which case I would appreciate it if you could point me to a better place to ask it.
I am a male employee in my early 40s, working in a London-based mid-size company of 150 employees. This is an office environment, and most times I work remotely.
Recently, I was pulled by a female employee from the HR department, who forwarded some anonymous complaints: "There have been many complaints that you're developing a reputation across this business for making inappropriate remarks about how you feel about women, especially younger women."
After the initial shock, the next day, I asked for clarification. There were 3 complaints on two occasions, both at the company's office, outside working hours, and during social events. The first complaint was filed individually by one person and the second was filed by 2 people. I could only get clarification for the second complaint, because HR wanted to protect the anonymity of the first complainant. The second complaint was described as follows: "We were shocked by what he said and we left the scene immediately after. He was referring to his personal life, that he broke up with his fiance and he prefers only dating younger females. Implying that he's not interested in older women, which we found offensive. He also said that he dated someone new immediately after breaking up with his fiance, implying that women are interchangeable, which we found offensive."
What I remember saying on a similar occasion in the past is: I broke up with the girl I was thinking of proposing to and went on vacation with a new girl. But I am alright, like I said to a girlfriend in the past, who used to joke about my age, if you keep joking about my age, I am going to find a younger woman. I was asked how old my new girlfriend is, to which I responded 19.
I feel shocked, violated, embarrassed and terrified. Male sexuality with younger women is a serious and delicate subject. Having joined a year ago, to date I have built excellent relationships with my colleagues and this could ruin everything. It could break the trust with my colleagues, and eventually the relationships, and my potential for promotion. I can no longer be comfortable in any social setting with my colleagues.
I believe the way HR and the complainants acted on this occasion is disrespectful, harmful, discriminatory and illegal. When I like a certain type of person, whether that be based on age, gender, physical characteristics etc, is all part of my sexuality (sexual orientation), and the workplace should be non-judgemental about sexuality. Just because I am 40+ age does not mean I should not be dating a girl who's 19, or that I cannot date a new girl right after a break up. More so, saying that it's inappropriate and offensive to be open about it is same as saying it's inappropriate and offensive to be open about being a homosexual, just because you don't have the same sexual orientation. Age, gender and sexual orientation are protected characteristics in the Equality Act 2010.
In your view, what is the best course of action?
PS: You can find the full version of the story at: https://yesday.github.io/blog/2022/m...workplace.html
I am a male employee in my early 40s, working in a London-based mid-size company of 150 employees. This is an office environment, and most times I work remotely.
Recently, I was pulled by a female employee from the HR department, who forwarded some anonymous complaints: "There have been many complaints that you're developing a reputation across this business for making inappropriate remarks about how you feel about women, especially younger women."
After the initial shock, the next day, I asked for clarification. There were 3 complaints on two occasions, both at the company's office, outside working hours, and during social events. The first complaint was filed individually by one person and the second was filed by 2 people. I could only get clarification for the second complaint, because HR wanted to protect the anonymity of the first complainant. The second complaint was described as follows: "We were shocked by what he said and we left the scene immediately after. He was referring to his personal life, that he broke up with his fiance and he prefers only dating younger females. Implying that he's not interested in older women, which we found offensive. He also said that he dated someone new immediately after breaking up with his fiance, implying that women are interchangeable, which we found offensive."
What I remember saying on a similar occasion in the past is: I broke up with the girl I was thinking of proposing to and went on vacation with a new girl. But I am alright, like I said to a girlfriend in the past, who used to joke about my age, if you keep joking about my age, I am going to find a younger woman. I was asked how old my new girlfriend is, to which I responded 19.
I feel shocked, violated, embarrassed and terrified. Male sexuality with younger women is a serious and delicate subject. Having joined a year ago, to date I have built excellent relationships with my colleagues and this could ruin everything. It could break the trust with my colleagues, and eventually the relationships, and my potential for promotion. I can no longer be comfortable in any social setting with my colleagues.
I believe the way HR and the complainants acted on this occasion is disrespectful, harmful, discriminatory and illegal. When I like a certain type of person, whether that be based on age, gender, physical characteristics etc, is all part of my sexuality (sexual orientation), and the workplace should be non-judgemental about sexuality. Just because I am 40+ age does not mean I should not be dating a girl who's 19, or that I cannot date a new girl right after a break up. More so, saying that it's inappropriate and offensive to be open about it is same as saying it's inappropriate and offensive to be open about being a homosexual, just because you don't have the same sexual orientation. Age, gender and sexual orientation are protected characteristics in the Equality Act 2010.
In your view, what is the best course of action?
PS: You can find the full version of the story at: https://yesday.github.io/blog/2022/m...workplace.html
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