In desperate trouble for shoplifting

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Please do put this incident into context

The incident occurred when you were distraught.
You were acting completely out of character
The goods involved were of minimal value.

No one with an iota of sympathy is going to think you guilty of anything other than concern for your loved ones.

When you visit your doctor refer him to this site if you feel it will make it easier for you.

Now please concentrate on your family and put this behind you

[jessaragen]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Sorry, but maybe you are wrong about your husband. He might support you and together you will find a solution. You need help!

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Sorry! It's me again. I've been reading all about RLP on this site and I'm still really worried about giving a false address last week. Some spoke about CCJs. Is it possible that when they realise I gave a false address that they could do something like that to me?

- - - Updated - - -

thank you so much but I can't do it to him. I keep looking at his photo on my phone and he is such a sweet dear man. I hope people don't mind if I keep posting on here because seriously you guys are my only source of comfort and advice just now.

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Post away as much as you like.
You might not get an immediate response as we do have families, jobs (we're not all retired) etc:tinysmile_grin_t:

To obtain a County Court Judgement, M&S would have to take you to court (which they won't do as already discussed), then win (which is not certain) then you fail to pay what amount the court might order within 28 days.
Don't worry about a CCJ.

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Thank you. I'm actually feeling a wee bit calmer this afternoon and I so appreciate all the time you've given me. I am doing some work with NICE as a patient/carer representative because on top of everything else I care for my older sister who has advanced dementia! I really drew the short straw I think in terms of family commitments!

i met a lovely lady barrister at the meeting and told her in confidence what I'd done (I also told her how wonderful people here have been) and she, like you is convinced I won't hear anymore.

ive also talked my husband into taking a last minute holiday (next week) in Italy which I think we both desperately need. My other sons (I have three) will keep an eye on their brother for us while we're away. It's only for a week but I'm hoping it will help. I'll still rush for the post when I get back! It is going to take me a long time before I feel truly at ease again. I don't know how habitual shoplifters do it, I really don't. They must live on their nerves. I feel as though I'm walking around with a bit red arrow over my head saying this person is bad. Stupid I know and if I don't hear anything else from M and S I'm sure I'll get better but it's a slow process . It will be a long time before I go shopping on my own again.

[Celestine]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Hello Maxwell x

Great to see how much support and comfort you are getting from the LegalBeagles community. We often find people suffer very badly after similar incidents.

As far as I know, Marks & Spencer do not use civil recovery or RLP, so in all likelihood that was the end of the matter.

The reason they took your name and details was more likely to add to their own 'head office' data on shoplifting and to perhaps use to enforce any ban from their stores. In this regard, they may have written to say you are banned from the store you were stopped at or the whole chain of M&S. I very much doubt they would have bothered though, given the low value item involved and your age and demeanour when you were stopped.

So, now you really do just have to get on with your life and totally put this behind you.

You do need to see your GP and be honest that you have experienced two incidents of loss of comprehension and control of your actions. These are sometimes referred to as fugue states. You go into an autopilot and things happen during that time that you are unaware of doing consciously. This does need discussion with your doctor because this could be a reaction to recent events with your son and this is a potentially rather 'dangerous' symptom. How do you know this won't happen again...in another store? Or perhaps your reaction could trigger other behaviour such as wandering off alone and not realising where you are heading. So please, cease worrying about 'stealing'. To commit a criminal act requires intent and clearly you did not intend to steal. I 'stole' something when my 3 yr old daughter hid a disposal camera from Boots in her buggy. When I got home and discovered it, I felt quite sick at the possibility of having been stopped and accused of theft. (I took it back)

You sound like you are going through some very tough times, so a holiday to Italy will be a great idea. Beautiful time of year, not too many tourists and time to enjoy with the man you've been married to for 40 years and clearly love very dearly. And, he clearly feels exactly the same, so go and enjoy that because many people don't even get a glimpse of such love in their lifetimes! xxx

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Oh you are so so kind! My son has now agreed to get some psychiatric help himself because his brothers have really laid it on the line to him just how much his reaction to the end of his marriage has affected everyone who loves him. (he was taken to a psychiatric unit when he tried to hang himself but declined further treatment at the time. He does have a crisis number though which he is going to ring while we're away).

We know he is really suffering but at the same time the boys have told him that he is also being a bit selfish because he has been inclined to phone me just before I go to bed since this happened and spend ages telling me all about what has happened with his wife and then crying on the phone and getting upset with me if I tell him what I think. As I point out to him, if he doesn't want to know then he shouldn't ask me. Of course the result has been that I don't sleep after one of his calls. His older brother has told him to 'give mum a break!' because even though they know nothing about my shoplifting he says that I've been looking rough and they are worried about me.

To be honest I've been more worried about my husband. He has just felt so helpless with all of this and being an 'old copper' he finds it hard to face a situation that he can't sort out. He's so used to being the person who makes things better. Our daughter in law originally walked out and left her children as well as our son. It was all out of the blue one Sunday afternoon. She just told him quite calmly that she didn't love him anymore, that she had found somebody else and she was going there andthen. She then took a bag she had packed without him knowing (while he was at work and off she went. She has since collected the children - which our son was powerless to prevent because they are only ten, eight and three and, as he said, they needed their mum no matter what we think about things. She won't speak to any of us and has blocked everybody from her Facebook. She won't return any calls so we've just given up to be honest. At least my son has the children every weekend and they either come to us or to one of his brothers which is good because his children get on really well with our oldest son's children as well. I know it's tearing him apart thinking that she might be playing happy families with his children and her new man. He refuses to see a solicitor because he's still hoping she'll come back to him so it's all very much in limbo at the moment.

I am going to see my GP on Monday before we go away next week bcause you're so sensible and right. I've tried so hard to be the strong one and the 'good mum' and carry all my family and I'm beginning to realise that its affecting me more than I have known. My family laugh at me because even once when I've been really unwell ( I had bowel cancer a few years ago but I'm fighting fit now) I always says I'm fine and they think it's quite funny. I can't run the risk of doing anything so dreadful ever again. I shake if I think about it.

I think it was the shame of what I did that was the final straw because I've always been totally honest - even rushing back to the paper shop when I realised I'd underpaid by 5p for my paper!

You're right about my husband as well. I adore him and always have. I was only sixteen when I first met him and he was a few years older. I was twenty when we got married and there has never been anyone else for me. Oh sure, we have arguments like everyone else, we're not 'star crossed lovers!', and there are times when I could cheerfully wring his neck but he is the most honourable, decent person I have ever known. Of course, that's what makes this whole thing worse because I thought I was like that too.

This site is amazing. People here have given me some desperately needed comfort and reassurance and the strength to admit that I'm not as tough as I'd like to be - hence going to my doctor on Monday.

I can't wait now to go off to Italy. It was just a stroke of luck that my youngest son saw this last minute deal in the travel agent's window for a hotel we've stayed at before so my husband said right that's it. We need to get away and we're going. Again this is a first because we've never booked and planned a holiday with only a few days to go like this! I'm sure it will do us both good.

Given how much help you have all been to me, if I can offer help to anyone else then I'd love to do that. I'll keep an eye on the various topics here as well.

[Celestine]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Have a wonderful and romantic time in Italy! Sometimes those last minute spur of the moment trips can be the very best and you two certainly need some recovery time to process what has happened in your son's life.

On that subject, it sounds as if your son has good, regular access to the children, he should focus on maintaining THAT status quo because if he falls apart mentally he could erode his time and rights to be with his children, so all support and focus should be on recovery not retribution or anger at your daughter in laws' actions. Divorce is a horrible process but it absolutely does not have to be the end of the world, often it can lead to new beginnings and although your son is distressed, he IS a father and he has to focus on that responsibility ahead of his clear distress at being abandoned by his wife so sadly.

It sounds like you are a very close family, it is great your other son is being firm with his brother and helping him find a path forward. Perhaps this closeness is why you have been so particularly affected by the situation. I do hope your GP is supportive and will advise you how to manage this process more smoothly.


We would love for you to join in and help others through distressing times. We know this community is very powerful and can reach out through the internet and make real people feel less alone. I felt real pride in reading the posts by Des8 which clearly helped you calm down and rationalise your experience. It's always lovely when new people who have received help, go on to help others in turn....it is how this whole community works, and boy does it work!

xxx

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Des8 has been amazing! He (I'm guessing he's a man, apologies if I'm wrong) was the first person to respond and I've felt as though he's been holding my hand all week.

i only found this site because I'd been frantically googling shoplifting and search terms associated with that but, boy, am I glad I came here! I was reluctant to ask for help on some other sites because I'd seen pretty foul comments made to other people who'd done similar stupid things to me. It's not helpful being told you're a worthless criminal when it's clear that the person is in total distress. Just scanning other people's posts here reassured me that I probably wouldn't get a load of abuse. Believe me, nobody could make you feel worse than you make yourself feel .

obviously I don't know who any of you are or what prompted you to start this fantastic website but I'm not exaggerating when I tell you that you've been a total lifesaver for me. As I said I hope I can hold someone else's hand in the same way that Des8 has been holding mine.

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Well thank you for those kind words, and yes my OH tells me she's glad I'm male enough to keep the car on the road, do the plumbing, roofing and keep the grand children in order (I'm Grumpy to them unless something needs repairing)

More seriously, I too came to this site, as peeps here are very rarely judgemental, and seem to understand that few of us are deliberately evil and that, but for the grace of God, there go I.
Mistakes occurr, and when under stress, emotional strain, or even medication memory lapses happen, or people just act out of character.
At times like that people need support, not ill founded castigation, and that is what hopefully comes from this site.

Now off you go and as Celestine said enjoy your holiday (that's an order from the boss!)

[Kati]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Des8 has been amazing! He (I'm guessing he's a man, apologies if I'm wrong) was the first person to respond and I've felt as though he's been holding my hand all week.

Well thank you for those kind words, and yes my OH tells me she's glad I'm male enough to keep the car on the road, do the plumbing, roofing and keep the grand children in order (I'm Grumpy to them unless something needs repairing)

He IS great isn't he (and we can cope with the grumpiness :lol??
Go enjoy your hols [MENTION=92540]Maxwell[/MENTION], you deserve it xx