In desperate trouble for shoplifting

[Maxwell]

Two weeks ago I was stopped on the way out of Marks and Spencer and told I'd got 'two beauty' products in my bag. I had my jacket in my bag and I lifted it out but couldn't see anything in there (I swear I'm not making this up). The security person let me go. I was horrified when I got on the train later to see there were two face creams in my bag. I seriously can't remember picking them up. Then last week I called in the same shop for a jar of marmalade and then I left again. This time I was stopped in the street by a different security man who said I hadn't paid for the marmalade. To my shock and shame I realised I hadn't.

he took me back to the shop and said he was thinking of calling the police. I almost passed out I was so terrified.

My middle son tried to hang himself three weeks ago after his wife left him and I can only think my mind is not working properly. I have never in my life before stolen anything.

in the end the security man took my name and a photo of me and asked for my address. This M and S was not in my home town and I could only remember my postcode so I gave him my postcode but a different address in my home town - just a number and a road I vaguely know. I have never so frightened in my life. He gave me a letter saying I am banned from that Marks and Spencer and he didn't call the police but said if I ever go in the shop again, the security guards will throw me out.

i totally understand that. I wouldn't dare go in the shop again anyway. I am literally shaking as I write this. I am sixty years old and never ever have I stolen anything before.

now I can't sleep or eat because I'm terrified that the police will come after me. If they send a letter or anything to the address I gave them then obvthe people who live there will report it to somebody or send it back to M and S.

if my husband finds out about this I think it could end my marriage after nearly forty years because he has total trust in me. I'm so ashamed of myself I don't know what to do.

[Kati]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

tagging [MENTION=39710]des8[/MENTION] [MENTION=31453]PAWS[/MENTION] and [MENTION=2]Celestine[/MENTION]
[MENTION=92540]Maxwell[/MENTION] ... PLEASE try not to worry! I know you'll get all the help and support you need from the Beagles xx

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Will M and S send the police after me? I gave them my name and date of birth but panicked over my address. I think the security man said he would inform head office who would decide whether to write to me to ban me from all their stores but I can't really remember if that was right because I was literally shaking from head to foot. He also said if I was caught stealing in any other shop this would be referred to but I don't know if he meant any shop or any other M and S. Believe me it won't happen again! I can't sleep or eat and every time I see a police car I think they might be looking for me.

stupid, stupid, stupid woman. I don't think I'm safe on my own anymore.

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Hi and Welcome
So sorry to hear of your current sad circumstances

So all M&S have is your name, Photo, a postcode and an incorrect address.
If the address is nowhere near your home it is unlikely that it will ever be connected.

M&S are unlikely to write to you directly anyway, and didn't mention any one else contacting you.
At one time they used a solicitors company called Drydensfairfax to try and "recover" imagined losses, but they don't seem to have been active in this field for the last couple of years.
I can only imagine M&S no longer attempt to make these recoveries as there is no ground for them.
Also the item misplaced was of low value.
I doubt there will be any attempt to contact you.

Certainly the police will not be involved.
It is much too late for M&S to report a possible attempted theft of a jar of marmalade!

It is a pity you don't feel able to confide in your husband, as at this time you need all the support you can get.
Would he not realise the strain you are under, and how such a strain can affect a person?
Do you really think a jar of marmalade could end a 40 year old marriage?

If you really can't speak to him about it, I would certainly recommend a visit to your GP as you would seem to be acting out of character, and over reacting to the situation.

Anyway I wish you well, and please try to put this episode behind you.
It really is a very minor matter, although you fear repercussions which most likely will never materialise.

[Kati]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

If the police were going to be called, the security guard would have called them then and there ... I think you're safe in that respect hun :nod:
The most that could happen is a few letters from a company called RLP (which shouldn't because they don't have your actual address )

On the subject of your son ... are he (and YOU too) getting help for this?? Counselling or just talking to someone can REALLY help! I know the Beagles (including myself) would be happy to be a listening ear if you need one :_tighthug__by_darkmxxx

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Thank you so much for your kindness. I couldn't possibly tell my husband because he is so unwell due to what has happened with our son. He cried so much when our boy did this stupid thing. He was only stopped because his (soon to be ex) wife called the police. She had told him she was leaving him for someone else and he went off into the woods with the dog's lead. The police found him tying it to a tree. They have three children as well so it's just been a terrible nightmare.

Ive tried to stay strong for my husband because he truthfully is my soulmate and I love him dearly. He was a policeman himself up to retiring and has a very strong sense of right and wrong- which to be honest I've loved and admired about him.

if he thought I was a thief his world would turn upside down.

the security man didn't say I'd get any letters. He gave me one there and then but I'm not sure if he said the head office would write to me. I hardly understood half what he said after a bit. As I said my fear is if they do and the people at the address I gave report it to somebody and, of course, any letter would have my name on it. If I received a letter with someone else's name on about shoplifting I would be horrified so I'm sure anyone else would be.

[Kati]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

If I received a letter with someone else's name on about shoplifting I would be horrified so I'm sure anyone else would be.

I don't know about "other" people, but whenever a letter arrives at MY house addressed to anyone who doesn't live here it gets sent back as

return to sender ... not known at this address

:nod: xx

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

As your husband is dealing with the same traumatic events as yourself, are you sure he would not realise the strain you are under, and that you need to help each other through this difficult time.
It is not just about a sense of right and wrong, it is about what is right and proper, about understanding, about love and support.
He isn't wearing a uniform now, he isn't judge and jury, this is not a trial.
This time, more perhaps than any other, is the time that a lifetime together must count for more than a petty incident (for which there is a major extenuating circumstance).
To confide in him would surely relieve you of a great portion of the strain of dealing with this incident?

But as Kati says, you can always return here for support

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

I'm having to post only when my husband is not around so thank you, thank you for all the kindness. I shall post more as soon as I can. If anyone has been in similar trouble with M and S please let me know what happened. Did they chase you up or not?

I shall seriously think about seeing my GP as well before I go completely mad.

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

We rarely hear about shopifting from M&S, and I assume it is because they do not pursue alleged offenders.
They seem now a days to rely on a ban.
Sometimes this is for a few months, other times for life.
Sometimes from a single store, other times from all stores.

I very much doubt you will hear more about this.
Please cease worrying, it really isn't worth while.

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Can I ask you, who are RPL? I've never heard of this. Are they some sort of enforcement company?

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

RLP = Retail Loss Prevention.
They are a company who provide certain services regarding security and prevention of losses by theft by staff/customers/anyone.

Following an American practice they thought they could bully vulnerable people into paying them for spurious costs.
They do it by sending a series of threatening letters, written in legalese, demanding payment of typically c£150 for security costs, loss of time etc.
In their letters they threaten court action.
As they can't take action themselves they say they will advise the store to initiate court action.
In fact they never do, as they tried it once and were spanked by the judge.
They resort to empty threats.

Their behaviour is despicable.
In this country we have civil and criminal court systems for imposing punishment and deciding what is equitable and just.
Firms like RLP and solicitors like Drydensfairfax who sometimes operate in a similar fashion are, IMO, little more than vigilantes and should be put out of business.

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

So what happens if I don't reply because I wouldn't get the letters? Bearing in mind I gave a wrong address to security at M and S. Will They then try to track me down to prosecute me?

oh goodness what a nightmare this is!

[des8]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

nothing will happen.
if RLP were to write to you the advice would be to ignore.

There will be no prosecution.
Prosecution takes place when the police are involved, and the case is heard in a magistrates court.
The only claim would be from M&S, and they aren't going to bother over a pot of marmalade as it would cost them more than they could ever recover from you.
That would be a civil claim and be heard in a county court

Please forget it, put it behind you and concentrate on your family.

[Maxwell]

Re: In desperate trouble for shoplifting

Thank you so much for the kind replies I've had. I think I did sleep a bit better last night for the first time since this happened. I have to say I'm still fearful of a knock on the door but hopefully that will get better with time and every time I think about what I did I start to shake again.

It was worse yesterday because we had we had our three grandchildren and the youngest who is only three kept saying 'Meggie (his older sister) has got a real dad.' We have no idea what he was meaning and obviously we can't be pressing a three year old to explain but we're worrying that our daughter in law is somehow trying to present this bloke she's got as new dad.

this on top of what I have done made for a very difficult day. I've only eaten one sandwich since Friday- I told my husband I was feeling poorly with a stomach upset- so, at the very least I'm going to try and eat something today.

im so glad I stumbled on to this site. I feel a bit less alone so thanks again.