Dad Jokes :)

[Setmefree3]

What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?

Virgin mobile.

[Setmefree3]

Three Nuns died in a car crash, they went up to heaven at the pearly gates the gate keeper said this really should not have happened so I am going to send you back to earth as different people so tell me who you want to be or look like the first nun said I want to look like Madonna puff,you look like her now and but you can’t use her name And sent her down to earth.

The second one said I want to look like Marilyn Monroe he then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun I said I want to look like Sarah Pipalini. The gate keeper says to her, Sarah Pipalini who is that? she gives the gate keeper a newspaper article he reads it shakes his head no and says it’s not Sarah Pipalini it Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men.

[charitynjw]

Is there life on Uranus?

Probably not, but there definitely is on Mars.........ain't that right, mum?

[Franz123]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.

MOM: Oh my! Who!?

DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?

MOM: WITHERSPOON!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

[1stepahead]

When Injustice becomes Law, Resistance becomes Duty

[Phaeton]

Two Goldfish in a tank, one turns to the other & says "Any idea how to drive this thing?"



Two parrots on a perch. "Can you smell fish?" asks one.



Just ordered a 5 litre tub of tippex.........

.......big mistake.

[charitynjw]

Customer to pet shop assistant "Why are those budgies up there more expensive than those down there?"
Shop assistant "Those ones up there are on higher perches"

[Phaeton]

Found a nasty leek under my kitchen sink today

[Amethyst]

Haha like that

[brass]

1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2
1 1 1 1 race
2 2 1 1 2

[paulajayne]

1 1 was a racehorse
2 2 was 1 2
1 1 1 1 race
2 2 1 1 2

and 7 8 9

[charitynjw]

What do you call a very small pet newt?



My newt.

[DigiSheppard]

Old favourite: I bought a dog from the blacksmith yesterday but he made a bolt for the door

[Furbinka]

DAD: I was just listening to the radio on my way in to town, apparently an actress just killed herself.
MOM: Oh my! Who!?
DAD: Uh, I can't remember... I think her name was Reese something?
MOM: Witherspoon!!!!!???????

DAD: No, it was with a knife...

[charitynjw]

Update re that guy who fell into an upholstery machine.
Doctors have said that he's fully recovered.